Zombie mamas---sleep deprivation commiseration thread - Page 2

[Redmom]

Hi MicaR I couldn't read your post and not reply.  Awwww I want to give you big hugs, I understand what it's like to have a little one who wakes 6+ times a night.

My DS is nearly 12 months and he has woken 6+ times a night since he was about 4 months old. I clearly remember when he was in that 7-9 month age range and the night wakings were THE WORST, and I felt so incredibly desperate and exausted.

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Like you, when I read mamas saying that things did not improve until bubs was 18 months, 2 years etc I felt so desperate at the thought of things being this way for another 1+ years.

The only I can share with you is that things have gotten slightly better for us - particularly around the 10 month mark, he started sleeping a stretch each night of about 3, 4 or 5 hours.  It doesn't sound like much, but was a huge improvement from him sleeping only 1-2 hours and then waking.  It was amazing how better I felt getting a little more sleep, and more importantly it gave me a glimmer of hope that things would improve.

One thing my DH and I have noticed lately, is that when DS starts to stir (DS or I co-sleep with him), many times we can get him back to sleep just by placing our hands/arms around his body and shushing him - where as before he would only go back to sleep by being rocked or breastfed.

My friends with bubs who were the same, also have told me that from about 1 onwards they will start to understand things better.  I've noticed DS understands simple words like "piggy" "ducky" "teddy" etc so now I very consciously say "sleepy time" at bedtime.

The thing that helped me the most, was my DH and my bedtime arrangement.  Basically one of us co-sleeps with DS and handles the wakeups (me by nursing him, DH by rocking him) while the other one of us sleeps in the living room (on the sofa...ha how crazy is that!) and then during the night we swap locations.  So usually I feed DS at about 10.30, and he falls asleep on our bed.  DH comes to bed, then I got to the sofa.  Usually around 3 or 4 DS nees a feed again so I go to our bed and DH comes to the sofa.  Having a few hours of uniterrupted sleep and also just the mental break of knowing that I'm not on baby duty, has made all the difference.  And I'm really lucky to have a DH who is on board with me 100 %.  Perhaps you and DH could think about some way of dividing the night time parenting.

Also, with the Mom's group I belong to, of course they all have bubs who sleep well and complain when bubs wakes once or twice a night of how "sleep deprived" they are - it kind of annoys me.  But I have come to realized that our DS has different nightime needs from their babies so there is no point in comparing.

I too tried "No Cry Sleep Solution" but ultimately it made no difference - I have come to believe that my baby sleeps the way he sleeps and we can't change it.

Anyway, I know how tough it is.  All I can say is to be really kind to yourself and take it one night at a time.  With every month that DS got older, I tell myself it's one month closer to better sleep.

[remymom]

Hi MicaR,

I really feel for you. I started reading this thread when DS was 7-8 months. He's now 9 months. I also was like "there's no way I can do this until he's 18 months or longer." Most of the people I know have either done CIO or they sleep separate from their spouse because they're co-sleeping toddler still wakes at night. I don't necessarily want to go either extreme. We decided to come up with our own method. I thought I had to follow a specific method. Well, not sure our method is going to work since it's only been a week. I'd just like DS to sleep a 6 hour stretch. So we're trying to get him to stop feeding for a 5-6 hour stretch and hope that he'll stop waking if he sees he's not getting fed. I think like everyone says, until you're ready, there is no use in trying X method. That's still how I feel about CIO. Hang in there and maybe trying something YOU feel comfortable with will at least give you the feeling that you're moving forward to your goal of getting more sleep. 

Hugs :)

[newmamalizzy]

Sorry, MicaR, I didn't mean to dishearten you!  Honestly, things have gotten a LOT better for us since DD was your LO's age.  She may still wake a lot, but her sleep is consistently better than it used to be and I definitely don't feel that crazy, awful, sleep-deprived way that I used to.  One thing that's helped is that her ways of going to sleep matured over time, so I expend a lot less energy getting her to sleep.  It's still time consuming, and I still get woken up at night, and it still sometimes drives me nuts, but it is much, much better.  I remember feeling just as you describe, and I don't feel that way anymore.  BTW, once your LO reaches a certain age, it does become easier to encourage changes in their sleep.  You're very right, that even NCSS really isn't no-cry, but...babies DO cry when they aren't getting what they want.  CIO works because babies aren't stupid.  The same thing happens every night, so they learn that that's just the way it's going to be.  You don't have to use CIO for a baby to learn that lesson, though.  You just have to be really consistent, even if your baby does get upset.  I think you'll see by 12 months or so that it's very similar to how you deal with tantrums - lovingly, compassionately hold your ground, and see them through the upset so they know you're on their side. 

[Arete]

I just thought I'd check in as tonight was a real, true zombification night.  I actually stayed up to watch a movie.  DS woke up just as I went to bed at 11, then again at 1:30, and stayed awake til 5, at which point I couldn't go back to sleep, so here I am.  Two hours of sleep in a night makes me not functional.  I am dreading the day.  But I have to do justice to my little pork chop guy, he is usually better than this.  Last night he slept 8 hours straight.  I couldn't believe it when he did wake up and I saw the clock.  I think 4-5 hour stretches in the first part of the night are the norm, then 1-2 hours in the last stage.  But I thought it was funny how many of us have spouses on the couch.  Mine has been stuck down there for months.  He can sleep through DS's wake-ups, but his snoring on top of everything is simply too much for me to take.  newmamalizzy, you are so right.  The babe is quite capable of figuring out what is going on.  I cave in because nursing is the fasted way for ME to get back to sleep, but the time may be at hand to try some consistent something or other.

[newmamalizzy]

Originally Posted by Arete 

I just thought I'd check in as tonight was a real, true zombification night.  I actually stayed up to watch a movie.  DS woke up just as I went to bed at 11, then again at 1:30, and stayed awake til 5, at which point I couldn't go back to sleep, so here I am.  Two hours of sleep in a night makes me not functional.  I am dreading the day.  But I have to do justice to my little pork chop guy, he is usually better than this.  Last night he slept 8 hours straight.  I couldn't believe it when he did wake up and I saw the clock.  I think 4-5 hour stretches in the first part of the night are the norm, then 1-2 hours in the last stage.  But I thought it was funny how many of us have spouses on the couch.  Mine has been stuck down there for months.  He can sleep through DS's wake-ups, but his snoring on top of everything is simply too much for me to take.  newmamalizzy, you are so right.  The babe is quite capable of figuring out what is going on.  I cave in because nursing is the fasted way for ME to get back to sleep, but the time may be at hand to try some consistent something or other.

Oh, yes, the snoring.  Mine's been in the living room for a year now.  He just bought a cot :(

[gitanamama]

MicaR, sorry that you're going through such a rough time right now! The point of this thread obviously wasn't to make anyone feel worse, but I can totally understand how it does. I remember when my little one was 9 months old and waking every hour, I talked to a friend with a then 18 month old who said her daughter did the same thing. It made me want scream, imagining 9 more months feeling so exhausted. But if it's any consolation, things are improving for us little by little. My son still wakes much more frequently than I would like (4-6 times per night) but he's much easier to get back down--often I can just nurse him for a couple of minutes and then roll over. I actually don't feel like much of a zombie most days now. I don't know whether I adjusted to this crazy sleep schedule or if it's actually improved significantly, but either way, I seem to have more energy and be in brighter spirits than a few months ago. Hopefully things will move in that direction for you too!

And I can definitely relate to feeling resentful (if that's the right word?) of moms who've used CIO methods. There have been points where I felt like I would do anything to get a solid night of rest, but even the "gentle" sleep training methods we tried were just too draining on all of us and I gave up and went back to nursing on demand. 

Arete and NewMamaLizzy, 

It's so good to hear that other people play "musical beds" in their houses as well! I always felt slightly ashamed for some reason that one of us ended up downstairs most nights. I felt like I was failing at cosleeping--which is obviously a very silly thing to feel but I think it stems from some of the judgement I've received about cosleeping from family members and friends. Anyway, I've come to embrace our little musical bed routine--we all sleep for a few hours together until I take our little one downstairs to escape the snoring or my hubby retreats to the futon to escape the wiggling. 

[Redmom]

gitanamama

We are another household that plays musical beds.  I figure it is something we will look back on and say "remember when....".  Something to tell DS about what things were like when he was a baby.

[RStelle]

DD was doing great, sleeping for 6-7 hours, nursing in her sleep, then sleeping 3-4 more hours, but now, not so much. She'll sleep 3 hours at he beginning of the night, but then be awake for 45 minutes, sleep for 30 minutes, wake up and get all hyper, and it's pretty much downhill from there. The thing that helps is just realizing that it's not going to last forever. Right now my brain is pretty much mush, though. I actually went to work wearing 2 non matching shoes the other day, I was so not awake yet.

[Skippy918]

I am so tired. My DD (6mos) has been sleeping like crap no matter where you put her. I thought I would be able to sleep better with her in bed with me, but not so much. Last night, it was after 10 and she was ready to party. I have to be up before 6 to get ready for work. I can't keep this up for much longer. I typically try putting her down in her crib around 8. Sometimes she'll stay asleep but other times she'll wake when I'm ready to get to bed and then every 5 mins and need to be rocked or fed again. Then I'll bring her in bed. I have trouble falling asleep while she's latched on, so I kinda just lie there till she's done and then I can fall asleep. I lost track of how many times I nursed her last night, but it was at least 4 . DS was so much better at this age. He would eat and fall asleep and then stay asleep till he was ready to eat again.
I'm at a loss for what to do. I hope she outgrows this soon. I have never drank so much coffee before in order to function at work. I used to be an infrequent coffee drinker, like once a week or less, but now I find myself needing a cup 3 times a week.

[LeaPea]

My 17 month old daughter is a horrible sleeper, and always has been! She still wakes every 2 to 3 hours. Plus, she has to be touching my boob the whole night. I'd kill to sleep on my back Her sleep got better around 15 months, then she got 8 teeth in a month, and it has been horrible ever since. We are starting to come to a breaking point because I'm pregnant and horribly exhausted. My husband and I have been doing a lot of talking and researching, and I think we are going to try Dr. Jay Gordon's method. My husband is going to start putting her to sleep, and he'll be primarily responsible for night wakings. I think if she slept longer, we would all be so much happier.