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Help Am I expecting too much from my DD

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

I am so frustrated with my DD. I feel like I spend most of our time together frustrated and negative with her.


She will be 7 in about a month and she does not listen at all! 

I can be directly telling her not to do something and she is still doing it. I took her to the grocery store with me today and she was touching everything. She even went over to the hot coffee dispenser and I had to take her by the arm and direct her away from it.


Same thing she opened my glove box in the van in our driveway. I asked her to close it, not take stuff out and she ignored me and pulled stuff out.


I ask her to do home work, get dressed, get undressed, come to brush her teeth or hair and she completely ignores me.

She will say ok and then go do something else. She can be very silly and not respect peoples persoanl boundries and space.


I will say that she is very much like I was at her age personality wise, this is part of the reason we butt heads.


I hate this negativity between us and I need help.

post #2 of 3

If my child is having a hard time responding to a direct request, I find that counting for her works well.  Not counting with a threat attached to the end of the numbers, but just counting to let her know that I am still paying attention.  For example, if I ask my daughter to let my son take a turn on the swing and she doesn't respond, I just announce:  I've asked you to get off now and let x have his turn.  Please hop off.  I am going to count for you.  1....2....3...."  Usually she responds by about the count of five. 

post #3 of 3

First off, I would say pick your battles.  For example, is it really a big deal that she goes through the glove box?  Does it matter that she wears pajamas to bed?  Etc. 


I don't have a problem at pointing out the situation.  Like, I see you're going through the glove box.  And, then pointing out that you really don't want them to do it, but honestly, you won't stop them from doing it.  Like saying, "Well, I'm not thrilled with you going through the glove box.  Are you looking for something specific?"  No.  "What are you looking for/doing?"  Nothing.  "Well, I'm not thrilled with you making a mess of it.  Please put it all back when you're done."  Personally, I think it's way better to take that stance than to say they can't do something and then letting them do it anyways.  When that happens, you're saying my words mean nothing and you don't have to listen to me. 


In a way, you already know what to do when something is non-negotiable.  What did you do when she went for the hot coffee maker?  You said, no, she didn't listen and then you physically moved her away from the situation.  Now, put that action on the glovebox scenario.  If it was as important as the hot coffee pot, you would have said no and if she didn't listen you would have removed her from the situation. 


I always like "The Secret of Parenting" by Wolf.  He's a big believer in saying what needs to be done.  You need to get dressed for school and then standing there and waiting for it to be done.  According to Wolf, the biggest secret of parenting is silence.  You state what's needed and then just wait and stare at them until it gets done.  (He words it better than me.) 


Good luck! 

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