5 years old says he hates his mother and whant to shoot her and kill her

[myme]

Hi,

I am new here. But needed some advice, as could not find any post that sounded just like mine.

My 4& half years old son told me today before bed that he does not likes me, he hates me, and will hit me with white thing to kill me so he can be all by himself and cook his own food for himself and his dad....

He was not mad or anything, sounded very normal and calmly was answering my questions in this same manner... We sleep together in one bedroom and adjacent matrasess, and he said that just after i read them some story book, when I refused my 2 and haf old breastfeeding and get to his bed to hug him and keep him warm before he falls asleep. So he told me not to touch him, he is upset with me, ( do not know why??) and he not just does not likes me he hates me. As i continued with asking him that does that mean that I can go away from him and sleep on the street and get eaten by monsters, he replied yes. Then I asked but I need to take care of you and feed you till you grow big and strong, and take care of me when I become little again, he said that then he will grow big and strong. And he will hit me with "white thing" so I can die and he will take care of himself, and can cook his own food... My hart got broken with his calm and descriptive language, like he was thinking each word and telling what really was on his mind... I tried to find some rescue in my husband, he of course thought that I am exaggerating,  he too little to mean it. Then he decided talking to him, he talked about what he eat today, what he did and so on, and then when it come to him asking " who got you this dounat?" - was it mom? - he hesitated, then liyed that it was himself. Then between all the other conversation he continued saying that he is mad at me, and so on, and no his do not want to kiss me.

I am part-time working mom, and leave him and my 2 yr daughter with my friend who also has two kids, one school age, another his age, so they play together all the time, till i get back to work. When I am back I usually bring them some sweets and snacks, for after nap time, sometimes toys, and give them ride in a car around our small town. Then we all get back home, when we go back to our appartment, kids play, or watch cartoons and I get to the dinner prep, and then at night i try reading them a book, and talking a little, and that is how our days passing over. Also, I do not think he pick this language from my friend, as she is usually good to kids, and they good to her as well. But does it mean he likes her better than me, or I do not spend enough time with him, what else should I understand this kind of language from my son??..

I hope someone can advice me. I want to believe that this was just "a talk" of unsensed child, and has nothing to do with what he really thinks or believes about his own mother...

[FarmerBeth]

Sometimes kids test out using strong language to see your reaction, and also sometimes kids feel that strongly right at the moment but it is  a temporary feeling.  I can't tell from your post if this is a totally isolated incident.  If you were getting this sort of talk often, it could be cause for concern, but it's hard to tell from one comment.  My oldest child,especially, experimented with some of this kind of talk, and for him it was a phase, but i can't speak for a different situation.

[Roar]

I agree. I would be concerned if it was a regular thing. It is not uncommon though for four year olds to day "I don't love you" or "I want to run away" or something like that. One way to respond to this is to acknowledge the child's feelings "you sound very angry," "you were very frustrated that I'm busy" and then state your feelings "I love you very much and I would miss you if you moved away."

[rainbow_mandala]

Yup, my DS (who will be 5 in January) will sometimes say he's going to hurt me, run me over, kick me, etc. when he's upset.  At first I felt hurt by statements like this (they started about 9 or 10 months ago) but I came to realize that he doesn't really mean it, he doesn't understand what it means to kill someone or even seriously injure them, he's just upset and showing his feelings with words that he feel will get my attention.  Now whenever stuff like this comes up, I calmly ask him to tell me what's going on, I ask him if he's upset about something.  If he won't really talk much, I keep asking him different things to get to the root of it.  It usually doesn't take long to figure out what the issue is, something I said or did or didn't do is the root, I sometimes have to dig a little to find it, though.  Hope this helps!