Do you ever feel you need a giant break?

[Halfasianmomma]

I've been feeling like this lately and it worries me. I hate to admit that I'm at the end of my rope because I love my DD like crazy...but she's been so difficult (major tantrums about every little.frigging.thing, biting/trying to hit, but also super needy and insecure) that I feel that all my free time and energy is devoted to her and there's nothing left for me.

I sometimes wish I could have a whole week-end to myself, to read, take a bath, do some sewing and sleep! But that doesn't seem fair to DD who doesn't see me all day because I WOH FT and I don't want to make her feel like mama doesn't want to see her....And since I live with my folks, I can't constantly ask them to care for DD. They are both in their 60s and starting to get tired more easily.

I dunno what I'm looking for here. There doesn't seem to be a solution that gives me the opportunity to recharge and be as good a mama as I can be.

[floss&ferd]

Can you find a playgroup with other kids her age?  Maybe hanging out with Mama's dealing with the same behaviors would help.  Either by helping you see different ways of dealing with the behaviors or just knowing that you aren't alone.  

[hillymum]

Getting every other weekend off is one of the major benefits of my situation. having that break really does let me recharge my batteries, and I think my kids are reaonably easy kids to be with. I have only just started to be able to sleep without using sleep aids, and find that for one of my days off I do nothing but rest and sleep. I am making the most of the breaks now, as i am reasonably sure that once the divorce is finalised, sbx will stop putting the effort in to be a slightly involved father and my weekends off will be a thing of the past. I am dreading that happening!! It's human to need time for yourself!!!

As to how your dd is at the moment, one thing that helped me through that stage (when married and getting no breaks or me time ever) was to have the mantra of "this is just a stage, and it will change for the better". How old is your dd?

[Halfasianmomma]

She turned 3 in July...it seemed to go super well for a while and then suddenly, her behaviour turned to crap. I've been trying to give her more hugs, more one on one attention, but set firm boundaries so she doesn't tread all over me...but I'm exhausted. The only time I get a break is when she's sound asleep (and even then she reaches out to me in our bed and clings to me), or when I'm at work.

F&F...our neighbors have a 2.5 year old who's going through her tantrum phase, but somehow, their DD just doesn't seem "as bad" as mine. The two girls obviously have very different temperaments. My DD makes a mountain out of every single molehill, is scared of...a whole bunch of things, is demanding/needy/frustrating all at once. And because I'm in school while working FT, I don't have a lot of time for playgroups and whatnot.

[sren]

My kids are a bit older (8 & 10) but I remember feeling completely burned out as a married SAHM when they were that young.  It's funny that we ended up homeschooling because I used to say that I could never do that-- I needed any break I could get!  The kids got so much easier to care for at 4 and 5.

But now after 5 months of single parenting I am absolutely starving for a break, and I am not even working outside the home or living with parents or back in school yet.  No wonder you are feeling spread so thin.  STBX just started unsupervised visits with the kids last week and in the first visit I went from thinking, "What will i do all by myself?" to "Nooooo, I'm not ready for them to come home!"  A little bit of free time just whetted my appetite, so to speak.  Now I am counting the hours until tomorrow's visit...

[tccandlsccmom]

Yes!  Yes!  I feel like that a lot....despite the fact that I love my kids to pieces.  My ex now has court-ordered once per month visits...but he lives far away and I am voluntarily driving the kids part of the way because otherwise he drives over 20 hours without rest...and that just feels unsafe.  So I am trying to be a good sport about giving up me time because I firmly believe that I have to do what I am doing for my kids safety.  Yet another thing ex is doing to still make my life hellacious...

[olien]

YESSSSS!! I ALWAYS feel like I need a break & I do feel bad about it. My older one turned 3 in Aug & he sounds like yours with out the biting. Frankly, he is annoying. Wow, is that so bad of me to say?? Just being honest.

DH is little to no help unless I ask for time to do something wether it is going out or taking a shower. Tonight he called & said he was going out for a steak instead of coming come to see the kids before bed (he was away for work yesterday & will be away tomorrow too). Like I said no help!!! I am praying I can say what SREN does when my kids are in the 4 - 5 range. LOL!

[robinchap1]

3 is a HARD age. And yes, I often feel like I need a break. 

X does see DS pretty regularly but not a lot of overnights and mostly while I am at work.  Good for me that he gets visitation while I work and therefore can make some money without childcare cost and without losing extra time with DS. But it leaves me with no 'me time'.  This weekend I ended up with 24 hours of me time!!! Almost unheard of.  I hadn't had ANY in over a month and leading up to this weekend I was feeling short tempered and needing the break. Then when I dropped DS off I felt sad and guilty. And then, like Sren, when it was time for him to come home, I wanted more time alone!

I didn't get half the stuff done I needed.  And I could have used several more uninterrupted nights sleep. BUT, once I had DS I was SO happy to see him and my short temperedness was MUCH better.  So yes, a big break would be great. There is NOTHING wrong with feeling that way.  But even little ones here and there make a difference.

Sounds like you might need a little quality time alone and a little quality time with your DD.  And it doesn't have to be a lot. But can you plan just one afternoon, even a few hours, where you just focus solely on her? You don't even have to do something special, though you can. Even just playing at home with toys, but with phone off, tv off, no thoughts of work, dishes, etc. Just focus on being in the moment with her. Every so often I realize that I haven't been doing that.  It's hard when there are so many stresses. But when I do it, it makes a big difference.  Even just a short time really changes his behavior. 

And then YOU. Can you ask your parents for just 1 day, or even part of a day? Ask them to take her out so you can be home by yourself to nap, whatever you need?  I totally get that you need more. But a little is something and it may be more do-able without feeling like you are deserting DD or overloading your parents.  Maybe they could do just that a couple times/month.  It would be something you could look forward to and count on?

I am really learning that I do need breaks. It is just so hard to fit them in. 

In any case... hang in there! It WILL get better.  3 is HARD!!!

[Murph12334]

Seeing my daughter and how she acts at 5 compared to my son, 2 - I totally keep telling myself it'll get better with time.  Then keep having to remind myself over and over again. LOL.  Each kids does tend to be a little different and some are a bit harder than others.  When it's been too many weeks or a month without thier dad taking them I totally get on edge.  I was getting that way right before this last weekend. 
Sometimes a break is needed so you can regroup and relax.  At times I have friends or my parents assist if their father doesn't see them for a long time.  Sometimes I'll even have a playgroup with kids like ages.  Though sometimes the playgroups are a fail and much more stressful than not. 

I remember hearing someone say once that they could be around their kids 24/7 without break and they are completely fine.  Which is fine and great...for them.  Though i'm not them and sometimes just need that unwind and relaxation that I can't get with 2 little ones.

Hang in there and try to get a bit of a break in.

[ZoeyZoo]

I would feel that way too if I had dd 100% of the time. When dd is with me I don't have anyone around that can help me. It's not my proudest parenting thing but when I really need a little break I put on some TV or a movie for dd and site next to her on the couch and do something like reading. DD loves to snuggle up to me and I get my quiet time to do something I like but we still are spending time together.

[Halfasianmomma]

Yeah, I also use the TV, more than I would like to, and so do my parents. I understand where they are concerned; they are both over 60 and they take turns picking DD up from daycare every day...Once they get home, they are exhausted and need to prepare dinner, so often the TV goes on so that they are free to do that. My dad often makes an effort to play outside with DD until I get home around 17h45, but then, he can't prep dinner for us, which he normally does almost every night. I've tried to limit DD's tv time to 20 minutes before bed, for her favourite show, but that requires a lot of effort and energy on everyone's part, because DD wants to PLAY with someone.

[Phoenix~Mama]

YES!!!  I function SO MUCH better and am a much better Mama when EX actually takes his full time EOW.  I really, really need that re-charge.  Sadly, he's back to working Friday nights, which means I get 48 hours a month "off".  It's not enough.  I get super snappy.  I should sleep/rest during that time, but it never happens because I need a social life. I work out of the home too, but my work does not give me socialization.  I sit in a little cube with my computer all day.  lol

My DD will be 3 in Jan. and is also getting into major age meltdown stage... it's not fun! And I think it's only human for us to need a break from the constant needy-ness.  We have needs too, you know?