unconditional parenting & the misbehaving dog.

[JulieInChicago]

So, we're loving the heck out of our 1 year old son, but I just realized (duh) that while we're being loving to our son, we're totally harsh with our dog.  She's a 70 pound, energetic pit mix who we love (and he loves) but jumps up on people too much and gets in the way.  We're always shouting "Molly, NO!"  and "Bad Molly!" and it takes a stern, firm, loud voice to get her to, say, stop eating my son's food.

Any suggestions for mixing dog discipline with a toddler in earshot?

[hildare]

I don't think it will confuse your kid... 

other than that, what about clicker training/positive reinforcement for the doggie?

[JulieInChicago]

Do you think he will understand that we don't treat people that way but it's ok with a dog?

[hildare]

it never seemed to confuse our toddler.. though i kind of object to saying "bad,"  we sure do seem to have to yell at our dogs alot.  and we have a billy goat who understands that a whip being cracked (not hitting the goat, but it seems kind of violent) is something to pay attention to-- and we don't do that with the kid ;)  she has a pretend whip she uses but knows its not for hitting us or the kitteys, etc.  i think they know the difference.  though it is disconcerting when they try it out (when she got words she would tell the dogs "no" when they weren't really doing anything) so you could try the clicker stuff-- we just didn't go that route. 

[nstewart]

I've been wondering the same thing lately.  We have two cats and one is a bit thick and has to be shoosed off the furniture all the time.  We yell her name and then make a hissing sound.  DS hisses at her when he sees her and the other cat sometimes now (well, not quite hissing but the same sound he makes to tell us he needs to pee.  like a pssstt sound.)  lol.   Good to know they yelling won't confuse him.

[lovepickles]

Same problem here only with cats. I broke down and got a squirt bottle but I hate using it in front of DD. We also yell at them to get off the counters and now DD is doing it. We are trying to move their food so they have no excuse to be in the kitchen but it seems really inconsistent to use UP with DD and scream and yell at the cats. :(

[Beltane]

We have the same problem.  We ended up blocking the greyhounds out of the room when she's eating, but they still knock her over when they walk/run by.  I think for the most part she's used to it - she's almost 14 months. :)

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

I don't think that it will confuse your son but...

You may have more luck telling your dog what TO do, rather than saying "no" or "bad". (So, "Molly, OFF!" when she jumps, or "Molly, sit!").

(the bonus of this is that it's true for humans too - good practice!

[nilatti]

I'm just laughing out loud because I thought exactly the same thing yesterday! We have an...energetic border collie mix, and my baby sure hears a lot of "bad dog" (and also "good dog"--neither really unconditional).

The dog is the one who got me into unconditional parenting. Rewards and punishments barely work with my dog, why would they work with my baby?

[nd_deadhead]

We had a dog before children, an incredible black lab who seemed to understand every word we said, and could practically read our minds, so it wasn't an issue around our house.

We got a puppy when our twin sons were 7, and they delighted in helping with his training. Like Perdita, we taught him what TO do - when he barked or whined at mealtime, we ignored him with all our might - the boys loved the fact that the house rule of "tantrums don't get you what you want" applied to the dog as well as to them. Moments after the dog stopped barking or whining, we praised him for being a good quiet puppy. He quickly learned what Quiet meant, and that barking was inappropriate. That worked for all aspects of his training - maybe it worked so well because DH and I were used to doing the same thing with the children.

For me, because I'm a creature of habit, it's best to not have two completely different discipline styles in the house!

[juneboymum]

I have totally been thinking about all this as well!  We have 2 older, large breed dogs (10 and 11) and a 28 month old son.  We really have to yell at the dogs when they are being obnoxious (mainly meal times and when they want to go in/out/in/out).  It's gotten much worse with the dog's older age, and having a toddler dropping/throwing food.  I'm even a small animal vet and don't have the best answer!  Our son is now completely copying our tone of voice and what we say to the dogs.  My husband always makes an effort to at least say "please" to the dogs and our DS will do that.  Our dogs were much more responsive to positive reinforcement, ignoring, etc when they were younger.  Now they just get in our faces more and more.  It's frustrating!  I never yelled at them before DS was born.  I do feel that we are not setting a great example for our son when it comes to how we deal with the dogs.  It's definitely something we have to work on!  Dogs do need A LOT of exercise, more than most people are able to provide.  Our poor dogs used to get run/walked 1-2 hours a day.  Now they just go out into the back yard.  I'm sure that has something to do with their attention-needing behaviors.

[caetlinh]

We have two big energetic dogs, one who's more naughty than the other, and we also seem to be saying "bad dog" a lot.  it actually does upset my 1 yr old daughter who's very sensitive to our harsh voices and fully understands the word "no."  She's never sure whether we're talking to her or not and we don't want her to be scared, and frankly I hate yelling at the dog all the time, it's not effective.  So we've just changed our lives around again to suit everybody.  The dogs have to lie down in another room while the baby is eating, and when she's done they get a treat.  They are often locked outside or int he garage with a bone if lots of company with small children are coming over, and we try and get them lots of exercise. This seems to be working well.  Good Luck!

[sk8boarder15]

I have 5 dogs, 2 cats, a 13 month old son and a 30 month old nephew (who is over a lot) and I've realized that even though I'm anti-harsh punishment for the dogs, I bop the puppy (oh boy hes a feisty one) on the nose A LOT and now the boys are doing it too! :S oops. I also yell at the dogs a lot. My nephew yells "SIMON CHILL OUT!" all the time and even my son yells "no no no!" at the dogs. So I've been working on doing more positive training too Which is how I do all our structured training. The new puppy really tests me though. He's a little mix with lots of tenacity and energy and hes got short little legs (probably corgi or dauschound) so he jumps really bad. He's the one that's always testing my nerves! 

Teaching the dogs what to do outside of the situations that gets them in trouble really really helps. Teaching them "off" "sit" "stay" and "quiet" when its easy to behave goes a long way in helping them when things get crazy!