How did you transition from laying with child to sleep to having them fall asleep alone?

[luckymamaoftwo]

My DD is 3 1/2 and one of us still has to lay with her til she is deep in sleep, which usually takes about 50 minutes (rarely less, often longer). We've been very supportive of helping her peacefully go to sleep for SO long but we're both in agreement that she needs to start to do this alone. Any suggestions on how to make the transition? She is very bright but very strong-willed and if she gets an idea in her head (i.e. that she CAN'T go to sleep alone) then she usually holds to it! 

Looking forward to reading your responses. Thanks in advance!

[starling&diesel]

[CherryBombMama]

i have no tried and true advice for you, as we still lay down with our 2yr old, but on the days when he is intent on doing everything "BY. MY. SELF!" (haha,) those are the days i do a quick, "guess what? you get to go night night by yourself today!" clapping and jumping and hoorays follow. 

just giving you a hint in case your daughter has those "do things by herself" days...

:)

[APToddlerMama]

subbing

[mamazee]

I woud say, "Wait here, I'll be right back. I have to quick do X" and then do it and come back. I would increase how long the thing I had to do took until she got used to it.

[luckymamaoftwo]

Mamazee, so how many nights of "wait here, I'll be right back" did it take til your DC accepted it? That may be our next trial.

Tonight we're going to try having DH in a chair next to her bed, reading, while she lays alone. We'll see how this goes, but I'm predicting that it'll start as a new "game" and she'll be okay with it, then she'll turn to crying and screaming when she realizes that he won't lay in bed with her. One of the reasons we've given in and laid in bed with her for so long is because DS is in the next room and will wake if she starts screaming....but I guess we'll give it a shot tonight. Gotta start somewhere, right? Yikes!!

Any other suggestions, mamas?

[BinkieFinder]

I cuddled and nursed my first baby to sleep until she was three.  She just up and decided one day that she could sleep by herself - provided that she had her teddy bear.

With my youngest, I recently started nursing/rocking her.  At first I waited until she was completely asleep, which took less time than laying down with her.  Now I rock her until she's sleepy and she seems happy to lay down in her crib.  (I cheated a little and started using her Cloud 9 turtle that projects stars onto the ceiling.)  There were never any tears involved.  I may have completely lucked out, but I thought maybe she was okay with the change since I changed the routine.  

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by luckymamaoftwo 

Mamazee, so how many nights of "wait here, I'll be right back" did it take til your DC accepted it? That may be our next trial.

Tonight we're going to try having DH in a chair next to her bed, reading, while she lays alone. We'll see how this goes, but I'm predicting that it'll start as a new "game" and she'll be okay with it, then she'll turn to crying and screaming when she realizes that he won't lay in bed with her. One of the reasons we've given in and laid in bed with her for so long is because DS is in the next room and will wake if she starts screaming....but I guess we'll give it a shot tonight. Gotta start somewhere, right? Yikes!!

Any other suggestions, mamas?

I'm not sure how long it took. I didn't go into it with a plan of doing that, just one night I really did have to quick do something, and I told her to wait, and she did, so I started not worrying about if I had to quick run and do something and then go back and snuggle with her more. At some point she started just falling asleep on her own. It might have been a few weeks though.

[Halfasianmomma]

Oh yeah, my progression towards the end goal of DD falling asleep was loooong. I started first by talking about her falling asleep on her own, usually during the day, using a cheerful and enthusiastic voice. I said that since she was now 2, we would have 2 stories and 2 songs, 2 kisses goodnight and 2 I-Love-Yous and then she could fall asleep.

After that, I started with the routine, telling her that I'd be in the adjoining bathroom brushing my teeth, washing my face and other things. She didn't like the idea at all, so I did a practice run during the day. The first few nights of our new routine, I had to stand outside the bedroom door and catch her as she tried to bolt out of the room. She wasn't happy with being alone in there, and there were tears. I never let her cry though. I would simply put her back to bed saying "I love you, goodnight", and give her a hug and a kiss. After the first few attempts at bolting, I told her mama wasn't happy and simply put her back to bed with a hug and a kiss. Eventually, I put her bad to bed without a word. It took a good two weeks of doing this for her to feel confident about staying in the bedroom alone (and this is WITH a nightlight and her Twilight Turtle)...and I won't lie: it was tough. I would text my friend who would "hold my hand" through the process, reminding me that I wasn't letting her CIO, but just teaching her a new routine.

When she was comfortable in bed alone, but still awake, I would go about my nighttime bathroom routine, making lots of noise so she knew I was there. I'd check in every once in a while to make sure she was ok. Eventually, as in a few weeks later, we transitioned to me going to read in an adjoining bedroom, so she could come to me if she was scared but would still have to be alone in the bedroom (door open, nightlights on). Now at 3 years old, she is comfortable with the routine and will sometimes ask me to stay with her. I usually tell her I'll stay 5 minutes but only if she keeps her eyes closed and tries to sleep. There have been a few nights where she wasn't asleep when I left, but she was drowsy and comfortable with her teddy bear and blankie. Other nights, she's out like a light within 5 minutes. It comes and goes as her insecurities come and go.

Good luck!

[azzeps]

We didn't lay in bed with DD, but someone had to sit in her room with her until just recently.  We have a baby, and my DH travels, so it was out of necessity that she went to sleep on her own.  I couldn't be in there with her and with him at the same time.  So I just would tell her, "I have to feed the baby.  I'm right across the hall, and you will hear me." And I would walk him around outside her room, etc.  Then after a few weeks of her accepting that, then I would go downstairs.  Sometimes she still calls to me for me to plant a garden, and I do.  I say that I will spend 10 minutes, as long as she is laying quietly and trying to sleep.  That is our rule.  If she doesn't, then I leave the room.  Yes, she gets mad, cries, gets upset, but then she knows I'm serious.  I only had to do that a few times.  I know it seems kind of harsh, but she is old enough to go to sleep on her own now.  And I need her to in order to meet the baby's needs and my own needs as well.  She is not "crying it out" she is crying because she is angry.  If she cries at all.