You never know how its going to go. I had a little girl for two months (she was 11.5 months old when placed with me)...i knew she would likely go with relatives and was supportive of that. She came with so many clothes...toys even!...diapers, hair things...and hoped she'd be placed back with the relative who had her (i'd been told that after the new baby was born exposed and taken into care, the mom "hid" the other four kids with relatives, and therefore the baby was coming from one of the relatives who clearly had just gone out and bought her stuff cuz the price tags were still attached to alot of it.)
Still, it was weeks of no worker contact, no visits, nothing and i was starting to think well maybe she'd stay longer, then out of the blue the worker said the mom showed up in court and the next week we had a visit. After that visit the worker told me they were having a meeting at the end of the week to see "when she'd be moved" !!! we went from no contact to moving in a few days?! There was a meeting with the DHS rep, agency worker and i was included via speakerphone, unfortunately the aunt's speakerphone call was dropped somehow. But when i expressed my desire to have the aunt actually come to my home (instead of having the baby picked up by a transporter), sit and talk about the baby, so the baby could see she was going from one loving home to another (and not just being carted off by some strange guy) the DHS was SHOCKED...he acted like he'd never heard of a foster parent wanting to do this. When i suggested it would be a good idea for me to write up a letter detailing the baby's current schedule, include some pics (she'd spent her first birthday in my home and i figured she'd want pictures of that!) etc...again, total shock, he went on and ON how nice and thoughtful that was, how no one ever does that, etc. Frankly it was bizarre to me.
It saddened me to think that these kids are passed around and no one seems to give a thought to attachment or just basic things like emotional safety of the child. She left the next day and i packed up all her things in luggage i'd bought for her (rather than the garbage bags foster kids' things are usually transported in), made up a little album with pics and typed out a two page letter including our contact info and offer of babysitting or anything they might need, etc.
The aunt couldnt come to my home because she "had to work" so in the end the transport guy came and got her, the worker that was with him kept saying "do you have that letter? where's the letter?" and i couldnt decide if it was because they DIDNT want to pass on the letter (so they wanted to intercept it) or because the existence of the letter was such a big deal that they wanted to make sure it got passed on. I dunno. I do know i never heard from the relatives or any more about the child after she drove away. I wasnt particularly attached to her and wouldnt "miss her" in that way (she was kind of an aggressive baby!) and then i felt kind of stupid like maybe they were thinking "why would we want to maintain contact with this random foster parent who we think should never have had the baby to begin with?!" but in my heart i know if my relative was in care it wouldve made me feel better about it to know at least she was well cared for during that time. I provided more pictures to them of her two months with me than i EVER got for my adopted daughter who was in care for years.
Do the foster parents not attend visits? Where i am, i would have to transport the kids to the agency and sit in the waiting room while the visitation took place in the smaller family visiting rooms. There was opportunity for ALOT of contact with the birthparents and since we all signed in on the same sheet they knew my name. At the end of the process with my last kids, the bmom was choosing to have visitation in the larger waiting room with me and my other son instead of the tiny closet like visitation room. But i know in some areas the children are picked up and transported to the agency and there is no contact.
Has the dad provided pictures to the family? Maybe you could make up a little photo album with pics of him, you, your home, whatever...doesnt have to be extensive, just a few pictures with labels of who everyone is, that they could show the baby. Maybe include a note in the diaper bag introducing yourselves, thanking them for taking such good care of the baby and suggesting you stay in contact in the future. Maybe include an email address or phone number. Foster parents often have to deal with birthfamily being negative about them (my son's father complained EVERY TIME he visited about something...what the boy was wearing, the brand of diapers, his hair...as if he thought if he could get him removed from ME he would go home. Not how it works!) so being supportive might make them feel like you're on the same team. In my experience, foster parents feel alot better about the child "going home" if they think that child is going home to a good home.