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DD groped at school. WWYD in this situation - Page 2

post #21 of 32

Because they're minors, no media outlet will name them. People might individually talk about it, but that seems likely to happen no matter hhow it's dealt with, if it's dealt with at all.

post #22 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

Because they're minors, no media outlet will name them. People might individually talk about it, but that seems likely to happen no matter hhow it's dealt with, if it's dealt with at all.


Of course not... but, it will take less than two days for the entire school to know names.

 

When my dd was in fifth grade, I knew BEFORE school even got out and the kids came home, then Jack and Bobby had drawn a violent booklet about Jenny, and exactly which friend told the teacher on Jack and Bobby... I had the entire story before 5:00 P.M that night... it was the big event of the year.

 

post #23 of 32
I hope that you do decide to do something about what happened. The teacher at the very least needs to be informed about exactly what happened and she needs to be extra vigilant with this boy. I would be at the school first thing Monday morning and would be demanding a meeting with this teacher and anyone who is directly in charge.
post #24 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post




Of course not... but, it will take less than two days for the entire school to know names.

 

When my dd was in fifth grade, I knew BEFORE school even got out and the kids came home, then Jack and Bobby had drawn a violent booklet about Jenny, and exactly which friend told the teacher on Jack and Bobby... I had the entire story before 5:00 P.M that night... it was the big event of the year.

 



 

That kind of gossip happens regardless of how you handle it. The only way to avoid gossip is to do nothing, and the OP is upset about the "doing nothing" choice, and I agree iwth her.

post #25 of 32
Thread Starter 

Thanks again everyone for the open conversation. I am most definitely going up to the school on Monday to have a talk with DD's teacher, as well as the boy's teacher. I've spoken to DD about this a few times since Thursday night and luckily she seems to be handling/processing it very well (so far). DH and I have both spoken to her and get the impression that she is treating this like a very embarassing isolated incident that is now over with and she's moving forward. DH and I, on the other hand, are still completely livid. My take on the situation is that it's FAR better in the long run to do "too much" than not enough, and to treat this situation with the severity that I believe it deserves. Whether or not we will involve the law remains to be seen, and depends largely on how the school handles it after DH and I have met with them to make sure that everyone has a thorough understanding of exactly what happened. As I understand it, there are Federal guidelines that dictate how abuse/assault cases must be handled when children are involved, and I will do what I believe to be the right thing given the circumstances, wherever the chips may fall. 

 

Against my better judgement, I did allow DD to go to school yesterday (Friday) and let her know that she was to immediately tell me if she witnessed any further negative behavior from this boy. The boy's mother also told me that she would visit the school to supervise her son during recess that day. Well, as soon as DD jumped in the car yesterday afternoon the first words out of her mouth were "Guess what [he] did today!" Apparently, even with his mother watching him like a hawk, he attempted to tackle my daughter AGAIN (she ran from him this time), and a few minutes later, calmly walked up to another boy and punched him in the face. His mother saw all of this, and have him a One Minute time-out. headscratch.gif

 

The more I think about this, the worse I feel about the boy. Something must be terribly wrong in his world that he would even understand HOW to do what he did to DD. 8 year old boys who physically and sexually assault other children have some terrible skeletons in their closet, end of story. My focus at this point (other than the obvious, which is making sure my daughter and all other students are safe at school) is to make sure that SOMEONE gets to the bottom of this boy's case and gets him the help that he needs. I don't know his parents very well (just see them occasionally at school events), but they seem like decent people who would want their children to be safe, healthy and happy. But at a certain point, "minding my own business" about another kid's wellbeing or home life should be overshadowed by the strong possibility that something very dangerous is happening/has happened to this poor boy. 

post #26 of 32

I really think you shouldn't send your daughter back again while the boy is still there, and maybe not at all.  The school has twice shown that they can't adequately supervise this boy.  It's just as serious to have a child sexually assaulting as an adult, and if the situation isn't addressed it can only get worse.  I was sexually assaulted at school, and the boy who did it started really young like this boy, and it just kept up until he was a young adult.  I wish someone had taken things more seriously the first time there was trouble, but it was looked at like he was going through some sort of phase and I just gave up hoping that anyone would listen.  It sounds like you are really there for your daughter, so at least she has that much, but she needs all the adults in her life, especially at school when she is away from you, to really listen and be dedicated to keeping her safe.  The school just isn't showing they can do this for her, so you need to protect her.

 

I also think the PP's are right that this should go to the police, for everyone's safety, including the boy.  There really must be something happening to him.  He needs help, and he's not going to get that with a one minute time out.  If the law steps in, it protects your daughter, other girls, and the investigation could get to the bottom of what is happening to this boy to make him hurt people this way.

 

I'm so sorry this is happening to your daughter and to you. I hope everyone keeps safe.

post #27 of 32

I have only skimmed the other responses, and I read all the op posts.  Having been on the receiving end of this behavior as a child about your dd's age and having no one respond as if it were a big deal, I still carry it with me, like it felt wrong, but no one really made any changes.  I understand not wanting to rock her world by pulling her from school, but her world is already rocked and getting her ff the rocking chair really may help her in the long run, give her lots of validation for icky feelings she may be having, but not have the ability to express or fully understand, or even recognize yet that they are there.  This school sounds dangerous.  she can always return if you decide enough has been done.  I would insist on expulsion of the boy, that is just unbelievably unacceptable.  Given that this is a private school, it may be that the school is not subject to the same rules as public schools, in which case I would file a police report.  It seems clear the mother has no concept of boundaries or at least not the back bone to enforce them!  It is not normal for a boy to behave this way, no matter what he might see in a movie or whatever.  Many hugs to you and good luck!

post #28 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by justclaire View Post

The more I think about this, the worse I feel about the boy. Something must be terribly wrong in his world that he would even understand HOW to do what he did to DD. 8 year old boys who physically and sexually assault other children have some terrible skeletons in their closet, end of story. 


What about calling CPS?

 

To me, it's as if this boy is screaming IVE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED and his parents and teachers have their thumbs in their ears, their eyes shut, and are humming -- doing everything they can to tune it out.  He needs helps. There is no good ending in this for him if everyone keeps ignoring it.

 

I think that therapy is underused and that sometimes parents are hesitant to put a child in therapy because they are concerned about making the child feel bad. I see therapy as a very valid tool and far healthier than ignoring problems. I this were my DD, I would definitely find a professional for her to talk to who has experience with kids her age and with sexual assault. Your DD may have some things to say and cry about that she doesn't want to say to you, which is fine. You might look into art therapy.

 

 

 

post #29 of 32

I'm very happy that this boy's mom seems to want to help.  She seems to be doing her best.  But, she's in over her head, and she needs a lot of help.   

 

Honestly, if my son had done that, shown a pattern for this type of behavior, I'd pull him from the school myself, just to protect everybody involved.  Even if these parents don't care about the girls he's attacking (it sounds like they do though) they should care about themselves more.  They could lose everything fighting any lawsuits, or legal bills.  It's not like the legal system is free, or they will work around the parent's work schedule.   She should pull her son out of school, and either find a school where he will be completely supervised at all times.  (I think this current school could manage this themselves though) or keep him at home and get some help for the boy.

 

OP..your daughter sounds resilient, and she sounds like she has some great support and good tools to work with.  I feel like the school should make a bigger deal out of this though... this young man should be spending all of his normally unsupervised time in another classroom, or the office.  At least until they can work out a better plan. 

 

The two boys I spoke of earlier in this post who drew a book full of violent images of one particular girl were both suspended for four weeks, then when they returned, they had to switch classes, and were not allowed to go to the lunch room or recess the rest of the year.  It was a hassle for the teachers who now had to tag team to drag these kids everywhere they went for half a year, but it worked, and it got the message across to the parents of both boys that this was not ever going to be allowed again.

post #30 of 32

I haven't read this entire thread, but I cannot believe what happened to your poor daughter.  The fact that the school didn't even let you know is so disgusting that there aren't even words for it.  Your daughter was sexually assaulted.  I would get the police involved.  I know that you may be worried about freaking your daughter out right now - but this boy has to stop before he progresses.  She may seem to be handling it well from the outside, but kids are notorious for hiding things.  I would probably even have her speak with a counselor.  If it hadn't been for the boy's mother - you may have never realized that it happened at all.  While this is an entirely different circumstance - I had a boyfriend when I was a young teen do some things against my will.  I told my mother about it and she talked about it a little, and then let it go.  I felt like my pain wasn't worth her time to acknowledge.     

 

That little boy also needs some serious therapy.  (He may be receiving it though already since his mom seems to be trying her best considering that she contacted you.)  I know while it's hard to "feel" for him right now, he shouldn't have that sort of knowledge at such a young age.  Even so, he has to learn that sexually abusing others is something is absolutely cannot do.  The school staff that witnessed this though need to be dealt with.  I swear I'd want to have the school shut down.  What sort of teachers don't want to protect their students?  I know there are laws out their stating that school teachers are required to report suspected abuse, so I'd assume that they should have been required to have reported this incident to you.  It's a b.s. for them to have claimed to have not seen anything.  The kids would have caused a commotion.       

 

When a boy in my daughter's class attempted to dry hump her last year, her teacher took immediate action as soon as he found out.  The boy was immediately sent home and didn't return to school for some time.  Once he did return, he had an assistant and never was anywhere near my daughter again.  I remember how livid I was when this happened to my little girl.  I was also in complete shock as I didn't think that 10 year old children would do things like this.  I cannot imagine how I would have felt if she would have experienced what your child did.  This boy should NOT be allowed back in this school.  I'm absolutely shocked that he hasn't been expelled - especially since he tried to repeat the assault.  Don't send your daughter back there.  It's apparent that this school does not have children's best interests at heart.  I am so sorry to the both of you.  I hope your daughter is going to be alright. 

post #31 of 32

I would SO be in the principal's office with a fist full of lapel and reading him the riot act.  There's a top to bottom problem in that school and the principal had better address it not next week, not tomorrow but NOW!  And if he doesn't address it to your satisfaction, you'll tell the school board and the police about it tomorrow.

 

This is YOUR child.  Anything less than a safe environment is unacceptable.

post #32 of 32

Is there an update?

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