13mo sometimes skips second nap, leading to big problems at bedtime

[Ginger Bean]

Sorry this is so long, but I hope someone can help me with this problem, because it's breaking my heart to see my son cry and scream.

He's 13mo and lately his routine has been:

Wake around 6:30-7:15

1st nap around 10:00-10:30 for 1-1.5 hours

2nd nap around 3:30-4:00 for 1/2-1 hour.

Bed around 8:00-9:00

For a while now, he's been skipping one of these naps from time to time (nothing I do will make him take the nap, though I try). This leads to overtiredness and an earlier bedtime, but it has been OK up until now. In the last week, the following has happened 3 days out of 7:

His morning nap started too late or he slept too long, and he skips his afternoon nap and is up from noonish until bedtime. I try to get him to take the nap at 4:00, 4:30, 5:00, then I give up. I move up his bedtime to around 7:00 because he's clearly tired. He has his bath/bedtime routine and goes to bed easily. Then after around 40 minutes, he wakes up. He doesn't want to nurse back to sleep -- that seems to frustrate him more than anything. He will latch and unlatch (making me VERY SORE) and SCREAM and CRY. But he doesn't want to play with his toys, either -- he will whine and cry if you put him down.

Usually his father will listen to songs with him in his lap until he calms down, but he continues to rub his eyes, yawn, and whine. Forward 30 minutes: if I try to nurse him to sleep again, he will try to go to sleep but start screaming and crying again. If he can calm down, he will play or look at his books for a while. Then he will finally let me nurse him back to sleep 1-2 hours later. He seems fine the rest of the night and in the morning.

What should I do?? I dread bedtime now if he's skipped his afternoon nap, and I feel horrible that he's so unhappy. Though he's a frequent night-nurser and a bit of a restless sleeper, he's always been a very easy-tempered, cheerful baby who rarely cries about anything, and for the most part bedtime has been a fun, relaxed time.

I don't think it's physical discomfort because he seems fine otherwise. This only happens on the days he skipped the afternoon nap. The only thing that's changed: his grandparents were here for 2 weeks visiting us and they left last week, so he's getting less interaction and stimulation now.

[carmen358]

My DD gave up her 2nd nap around that time so maybe that's what is happening. Our transition to one nap was fairly uneventful but I've heard it can be rough for some little ones.

[Ginger Bean]

Thanks! Yes, that makes sense. I wonder how long this will go on. It's awful. :(

[carmen358]

Hopefully not too long! I would suggest waiting as long as you can before he goes down for his first nap....I think he'll eventually just start wanting to stay awake longer in the morning. Around 12 or 12:30 seems to be the most common time for toddlers to want to take their one nap. Good luck!

[Kobaby]

DS is in the middle of this transition now too, at 10 months. I feel this is too early (going by the books), so I fought the change. DS had other ideas though, so I'm trying to work with it! I find the day goes more smoothly if he naps at around 12pm too :)

[jennybear]

It's pretty common for toddlers to move to one nap around a year old. That doesn't mean that the transition is painless, though.

I would try moving him to one nap following lunch and then moving to an earlier bedtime as well. It's easier to keep them up and engaged during the morning. 

DD (21 months) generally gets up for the day around 7am, takes a nap from 12:30-2:30 or 3 and then is down for the night by 7pm. She's been on this schedule since she turned a year. When she first dropped to one nap, she was pretty fussy and over tired for a couple weeks until she adjusted.

GL!

[porcelina]

I would not rule out the possibility that what you are describing could be a night terror. My DS1 had them at that early age, and the circumstances of the wake up describe those typical of night terrors. The fact that it's always 40 mins after he goes down, that he may be transitioning from 2 to 1 nap, overtired, that he was crying a lot and almost inconsolable. 

The good news is, they will go away once he completes the transition. The bad news is, that transition may take a while! In the meantime, the only tip that has worked food us is this: wake slightly about 10 mins before the typical time he would wake, just enough to restart the cycle. With DS who is now 3, and working on dropping the nap, we still got the occasional terror. We would wake a half hour before he usually wakes, just re-tucking him in. We never tried this when he had the at 15 months, but I wish we had! Maybe just touch baby to wake slightly. You might have to nurse him back down, but will be easier to do that than deal w terror!

[Ginger Bean]

Thanks for your replies! Things have been better for the past few days, with him taking 2 naps and going to bed no trouble.

I read some kind of newsletter from the Sleep Lady about this nap transition, and it seems my son isn't really showing the signs of being ready yet. She says the average age of this transition is 15-18mo. My son has always taken shorter, more frequent naps, so I think I'll see what he does on his own.

This morning, he woke up a little later than usual, and that would have pushed his morning nap into that danger zone, so I did follow the advice to keep him up until midday. He had one nap, went to bed at his regular bedtime, woke up at the 40 min mark, but didn't scream or cry. :)

PS. I don't think they're night terrors, because he seems wide awake. But I'm not sure, really. If he skips his afternoon nap, I will definitely stay in bed with him until just before the 40 minute mark and stir him slightly. The crying and screaming freak me out!