After weaning, still twiddling.

[kalynnsmom]

My son recently weaned at close to 5 years. I decided to end it because I was just ready to be done. 

He usually would crawl into my bed around 5am, and nurse until it was time to get up. I finally got him weaned but he still twiddles my nipples. When he crawls into my bed, his hand immediately goes up my shirt (I will wear a bra and he still tries to twiddle).. 

Any insight on how to get him to stop? I'm sure it's comfort but it's kinda annoying.. 

[D_McG]

What have you tried?

[coffeegirl]

I would make it very simple and to the point. And just tell him that he's not allowed to twiddle anymore because it hurts you.

My little girl (14 months old) does this sometimes, too. I know it's a comfort thing, and also like a investigative thing. She's like, "hmmm....I think I remember these things. I used to love these for some reason, hmm...." She's too young at this point for me to do anything but put her down or make my boobs out of reach/easy access for her. But for a 5 year old, it'll probably be a lot easier. 

[contactmajik]

He's 5. I think you can comfortably tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he's not permitted to touch you in a way that bothers you. I think you owe it to him to teach him healthy boundaries. There may be some fall out, but he needs to learn that he doesn't get to do what he wants to someone else's body just because it makes him feel good.

[eclipse]

Originally Posted by contactmajik 

He's 5. I think you can comfortably tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he's not permitted to touch you in a way that bothers you. I think you owe it to him to teach him healthy boundaries. There may be some fall out, but he needs to learn that he doesn't get to do what he wants to someone else's body just because it makes him feel good.

This, completely. Five is a great age to be talking about physical boundaries, consent to touching, etc. He needs to learn that, not only is it not okay to touch someone else in a way that bothers them, but that it's not okay for someone else to touch him in a way bothers him .

[maeby]

my 3 year old nurses only in the mornings and every once in a while he will try this. i just hold his hand. if he fights it i tell him it's my body and i don't like what he is doing. if he persists i say "if you can't be respectful you need to leave my bed." rarely does it escalate beyond that.

[kalynnsmom]

Sorry, I should have been clear that I have been telling him to stop, and telling him that I don't like it. Just trying to find other ideas.

Thanks for the ideas, I am going to try these. Hopefully, I can get it through his noggin that its not OK. 

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by kalynnsmom 

Sorry, I should have been clear that I have been telling him to stop, and telling him that I don't like it.

And then what do you do when he persists?  I'm having trouble understanding this honestly.   I have a 5 year old.  I am stronger than him.  There is no way he could twiddle my nipple.  
 

[kalynnsmom]

Originally Posted by D_McG 

And then what do you do when he persists?  I'm having trouble understanding this honestly.   I have a 5 year old.  I am stronger than him.  There is no way he could twiddle my nipple.   

I remove his hand and tell him no and finally after a few times, he stops. He doesn't do this during the day. He does this when he's half asleep as well as I'm half asleep. All I'm looking for is ideas to get him to stop completely.  

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

If he continues to do it, could you just turn your back and sleep on your side?

[D_McG]

I guess if my 5 year old did that to me I'd hit the roof.  I can't imagine even remotely sleeping through it.  I'd be EXTREMELY irritated and warn him that if he does it again he can't come in for a long time.

But.. I don't even let my 5 month old twiddle.  Even the thought of it makes my skin crawl!

[kalynnsmom]

I do turn on my side, and fall back asleep. I guess I turn in my sleep. 

Here's the plan, I'm going to tell him that he is not to twiddle and if he does, he will go straight back to his bed. Obviously, me just telling him no isn't working.  

[kalynnsmom]

I do turn on my side, and fall back asleep. I guess I turn in my sleep. 

Here's the plan, I'm going to tell him that he is not to twiddle and if he does, he will go straight back to his bed and he can't come back for a while. Obviously, me just telling him no isn't working. 

[coffeegirl]

Originally Posted by kalynnsmom 

I do turn on my side, and fall back asleep. I guess I turn in my sleep. 

Here's the plan, I'm going to tell him that he is not to twiddle and if he does, he will go straight back to his bed. Obviously, me just telling him no isn't working.  

This is what I was thinking as I read your earlier posts, and I think it's a good idea. It's what I'm pretty sure *I* would do in your situation. If you can't stop doing this thing that hurts and annoys me, you don't get to sleep with me. The end.

[jenrose]

I've seen animals wean their young. Sometimes they're NOT polite about the process. And with a 5 year old... yeah, I'd stop being polite about it. I think DD1 was 4 1/2 when I started telling her not to come crawl in bed with me until the sun was up. 

Twiddling makes my skin crawl. I think it's supposed to. I'm fine nursing a polite 5 year old. I'm NOT fine with having a five year old's hand in my shirt or on my nipples.

I think doing whatever you can situationally to stop it is going to be necessary. 

I think my sister ended up having her daughter sleep on the other side of her husband when this got to be too much, and when they were night weaning, he coslept in the other room, to stop it. 

[dancinganya]

My 2.5 year old does still try the twiddling though I've been firm about it since she was like 9 months old.  My trick is that I always wear a night shirt and when she tries, I take her hand away and tuck my shirt really tightly around me.  Come to think of it, she only tries while nursing because she has easy access at that point, but the tightening of my clothing often keeps her from doing it.  I think I used to give her another option.  Maybe a stuffed animal he loves to keep his hands busy would help....  

[Asiago]

Twiddling is a different behavior than holding a breast for comfort or security. Twiddling stimulates milk flow, it's a natural action for any nursing child (or woman wanting to pump more milk). It's better to wait one minute for milk to flow to fill one's belly  than wait five minutes with an empty belly.

Since he is newly weaned I would think this action is very normal for any child just weaned. At 5 am perhaps he is hungry and his body has not acclimated yet to going without that feed that he is accustomed to.

[Katie T]

Originally Posted by Asiago 

Twiddling is a different behavior than holding a breast for comfort or security. Twiddling stimulates milk flow, it's a natural action for any nursing child (or woman wanting to pump more milk). It's better to wait one minute for milk to flow to fill one's belly  than wait five minutes with an empty belly.

Since he is newly weaned I would think this action is very normal for any child just weaned. At 5 am perhaps he is hungry and his body has not acclimated yet to going without that feed that he is accustomed to.

I agree with this! I too have a twiddler....she is almost 3 1/2 and she will cry forever (seriously over a hour) if she can't twiddle. I choose not to fight the battle when the other option is twiddle for 10 minutes till she is asleep. Does it drive me nuts? Of course but before I know it she will be moved out and having babies of her own in the blink of a eye. I wish you luck, it is a lot harder than just saying no to a half asleep preschooler. 

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by Katie T 

I agree with this! I too have a twiddler....she is almost 3 1/2 and she will cry forever (seriously over a hour) if she can't twiddle. I choose not to fight the battle when the other option is twiddle for 10 minutes till she is asleep. Does it drive me nuts? Of course but before I know it she will be moved out and having babies of her own in the blink of a eye. I wish you luck, it is a lot harder than just saying no to a half asleep preschooler. 

Not everyone can suck it up though.  I would have pretty violent thoughts if I just 'let' my preschooler do that.  That's not fair to anyone!  I'd honestly take an hour of crying over that.  They adjust quickly.

[eclipse]

Yeah I get why babies have the urge to twiddle, but I really would have quit breastfeeding if that was part of the package for me. Limits, I have them.