whose biology should i listen to?

[silvermist]

i'm currently in a sad place w/ my 4 yr old- she wants to nurse frequently and it never bothered me until now- now i just feel so trapped and irritable. all of this since the birth of her sister 4 weeks ago. whose biology should we listen to- our child's or our own? 

i had enjoyed nursing her tremendously until the new baby arrived. clearly my hormones say "no" but my heart says "yes" until she latches on, and then Boom- emotions flood in wanting her to let go. she still needs it, though.

both are natural! what to do?

[zinemama]

As the mother of an infant, your nursing priority should be your baby. As the mother of two young children, one of whom is a newborn, your own needs should be a priority, as well, as much as you can make them. Listen to your instincts. "Trapped and irritable" is not the way you want to feel anytime, much less when interacting with your 4yo. I am fully in the camp of nursing an older child as long as it is mutually enjoyable. It's not anymore, and with good reason - you've got a newborn! Just because some women enjoy tandeming and there's an incredible amount of pressure here for them to do so, doesn't mean you have to do it. If mama ain't happy...

[dejagerw]

I felt strong negative feelings toward my older nurseling and I must say that limiting his nursings helped us dramatically. He used to nurse constantly...more than the baby. Now I only nurse him before and after bed and nap. I just explained that he's older now and doesn't need as much milk. The baby doesn't eat much food, but he can eat lots. But if he needs snuggles I'll always snuggle him.

Maybe try cutting down to a manageable amount of nursings and then reevaluate. Good luck!!

[transylvania_mom]

Originally Posted by zinemama 

As the mother of an infant, your nursing priority should be your baby. As the mother of two young children, one of whom is a newborn, your own needs should be a priority, as well, as much as you can make them. Listen to your instincts. "Trapped and irritable" is not the way you want to feel anytime, much less when interacting with your 4yo. I am fully in the camp of nursing an older child as long as it is mutually enjoyable. It's not anymore, and with good reason - you've got a newborn! Just because some women enjoy tandeming and there's an incredible amount of pressure here for them to do so, doesn't mean you have to do it. If mama ain't happy...

I disagree with the fact that there is pressure here to tandem. There is plenty of weaning advice in the "Breastfeeding beyond infancy" forum.

[TiredX2]

I'm sorry you are going through this.

To me, your post more reads as asking for advice on how to continue versus advice on how to wean your 4year old.  If I misread your purpose, forgive me.

That said, I totally understand the feeling.  When mom's are getting negative feelings towards nursing I really encourage them to think about exactly *what* is bothering them.  In your case, is it the frequency, the physical sensation of nursing, your DD's actions as she nurses, etc...  Think about what is bothering you most and try to lessen/eliminate *that* issue.

For example, many tandem nursers have a real aversion to the feeling of the older nurslings mouth when directly compared to the younger.  It just feels "wrong".  Making sure that you don't nurse them together/that there is ample time between the nursings helps some women.

I also cut-down on my older nurslings access quite a bit after early days (months, but my older one was only 2.5).  It really helped my DD to know that even thought I might be busy during the day, there was always a chance for her to nurse at bedtime. 

Good luck!