How do the kids handle rule changes?

[mami2f3]

Ok, I am ahead of myself a bit, but I am up all night worrying about stuff like this. He doesn't care how much tv they watch or what they watch. ds are 8 and 10 and dd is 3. He doesn't care about bedtimes. He will give them more allowance than I think is appropriate. and I'm sure there are a bunch more examples. So how do I take care of them in the way I know is best without them resenting me and not wanting to be with me? How do I handle not having any control over those issues at his house? 

[hillymum]

Children (usually) are actually really adaptable. It will not take them too long to realise you have one set of rules and guidelines and daddy has another. Quite honestly, children prefer to have rules. It helps keep their life reasonably predictable. it does take my children a day or two to get used to the change, but then we are back on even ground and life returns to normal. Sbx has the children eow so I have them for 12 days straight.

    I will say one thing to you, you really do need to stop worry ing about things you have no control over or say in, or you will go crazy very very quickly. Deal with whatever happens when it happens and vent away.

[floss&ferd]

My oldest is 14 and her father and I haven't lived together since she was an infant.   There has always been two sets of rules.  She's just use to it.  And really, it's not a big issue.  When she was younger, it would day or a day or so to settle down when she came home from a visit.  And if it makes you feel better, I have always been the stricter/more rules parent and she has NEVER said she would rather live with him.  

[mami2f3]

Actually, that does make me feel a lot better! Thanks, moms!

[Devaya]

I've been dealing with similar stuff here, and facing the 'But Daddy says I can do x' a bit, with my 4 year old. So it's reassuring to read this thread. I too have had to do SO much letting go - and still in process with it. My son is not living the life I envisioned for him at all, but that's life and I have to just trust that he will make his own choices as he gets older.