Infertility: Dealing with the Emotions

[Jilimy]

I am so mad right now. 

My doctor just called with another "not pregnant" verdict. I went to the doc on Thursday because I was sick and they just wanted to "rule out" pregnancy. Really? I've been trying to get pregnant for two YEARS, I'm pretty sure I'm not pregant, but fine. They call this morning to tell me what I expected to hear: Not Pregnant. And on the phone, I break down into sobs.

I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of feeling like my body is betraying me without any explanation. I want to punch infertility in the face with brass knuckles. I want to know WHY ME. I want to know if I've done something wrong or if there's anything I can do right other than spend a fortune on treatments.

I guess I'm just rambling, because I feel like I have no one to talk to. Everyone around me seems to proclaim they are trying and a month later announce they are pregnant. I feel like I'm on an island.

I'd sure like to know how some of you deal with this. It's a lot.

How do you deal with the roller coaster of emotions?

Edited by Jilimy - 10/17/11 at 11:11am

[shesaidboom]

First of all  to you. This is definitely not an easy thing to go to. I'm sorry your doctors office is so insensitive about it.

I felt the same way - alone - in a sea of pregnant women, questioning what was wrong with me, until I joined the monthly infertility thread on these boards. The wonderful ladies here get it and help so much. I still have awful days and the feelings aren't gone, but there is mutual support and comisseration going on and it helps.

As for the rollercoaster of emotions, I'm not sure there is anything that really takes that away. For some reason, I find that putting my time and energy into volunteering really helps keep me distracted and feeling positive and I've heard the same from many others going through this. Last year I spent lots of time volunteering with a cat rescue. This year I'm a Spark leader and volunteer in elementary schools. I also decided to spend more time on personal hobbies. I've found knitting to be especially therapeutic. Is there something you enjoy that you could start doing? Volunteering, a hobby, a team sport or craft circle?

[Jilimy]

Thank you so much for your reply. It's been really hard. I have no idea why, but all week, I've been teary eyed. I try to keep busy and take it one day at a time. I wish you so much luck. <3