My husband (of 1 year) and I have been going back and forth about whether or not to have another baby . Actually, it is me who is going back and forth. Basically, he was never married no kids, and I came into the relationship with 2 kids and previously divorced. We played around with the topic of adding on to our family even before we got married. From the beginning, I expressed a lot of concern and doubtfulness about having any more children ( some reasons to name a few: freedom, monetary issues, no desire for more kids, how will another child affect my other children, stress level is in the red zone). I have become extremely career-minded, and while I love my girls beyond belief I am stressed out and overwhelmed as a parent. To be honest, I cannot wait for the weekend to roll around that they go to their father's so I can get a "break"- I know this sounds selfish, and believe me I feel selfish for even thinking that. I realize that as my children get older, the "gap" between them and a new child would prolong my dream of being more independent. There are days I yearn for them to be old enough to where I can go on vacations and getaways with my childless friends. Also, I have been offered a new position at my job that would require me to fly out of state "X" amount of times a year (10+) and I know that would not be realistic with another baby.
One of my friends suggested I agree to have another child "for him" so long as he agrees to be the primary caregiver, almost like a "role reversal". I have actually considered this as maybe an ideal route in which he a) gets to have a child of his own and b) I can continue with my career and still parent- but as the secondary caregiver? There are times that when I watch him play with my girls that I get an overwhelming sense of pride and happiness, and think about what a great father he would be, but at the same time thinking about being a parent again is just scary and causes me to go into a tailspin. I asked him if he would be okay without having any more kids and his reply was "yeah, I guess", but I feel deep down he seems disappointed, and I am wondering if this disappointment would turn into hostility and resentment. I feel really alone and alot of my girlfriends cannot be supportive of me, not out of cruelty but because they haven't been in this type of predicament. Most of my friends fall in the group of either the "play date moms" or the "childfree ladies". Any helpful advice would be appreciated. Thanks!