Suddenly feeling scared about VBACing

[justKate]

This is so strange, but I'm suddenly scared.  I mean, I'm going to do it, because I believe it is the right thing to do, but I'm scared.  And I'm only 16 weeks.

I think the part that's scaring me is the labor--I like the midwives, but I want to stay home as long as possible (hospital is the only option for me).  What if I have a UR at home?  The nearest hospital with a maternity ward is 40 minutes away (even by ambulance), over a drawbridge that opens several times a day.  I didn't feel a single contraction in my abdomen with DD, so I have no faith that I could "feel" if something were going wrong.  For me, back labor felt like "something going wrong" although I guess it wasn't until the end. 

My other thought is that my mother (my only female relative) had a long, difficult instrument delivery with her first (sort of like mine, OP baby that they turned manually at the last minute), and then her next baby "fell out" in 2 hours of labor, start to finish.   I know this isn't a good predictor of what will happen with me, but it adds to my fear.

Any suggestions?  I really don't want this fear in the way when the time comes.  I know the risks, rationally, but I'm still afraid.

[LisaSedai]

You could find a hotel near the hospital to labor at until your contractions are close enough to go in. You could also look into finding a doula with alot of VBAC experience.

[Ms. B. Sprout]

I second the idea of having a labor attendant with you at home, with a doppler or whatever it takes for you to feel safe.

I was also scared for a whole lot of my pregnancy leading up to my VBA2C. I tried to take each fear, examine it, see what I could do about it, take action if possible, and then put the fear to rest as best as possible. When the fear popped up again, I went back through the odds of that risk actually happening, what I had done to minimize the odds/improve outcomes, and then put the fear back to rest.

I would also think -- ok, if I was having a scheduled c-section, would I still feel fear? For me, the answer was yes, I would still feel fear of the risks associated with a third section.

FWIW, my fears peaked at about 16-20 weeks, then I started to feel better (most of the time!). I hope the same is true for you.

The fear is totally normal. It's hard to live with.

[Beccadoula]

Have you looked into getting a doula or monitrice?  I've seen a few moms panic a bit in labor when they get to the place that caused the problem for them last time - it does really take some re-assurance to get through that even if you aren't havening a similar experience.  You've got lots of time, so it would be good to do the footwork now so you can be at ease when labor comes. 

[justKate]

Thanks for the kind words ladies.  I'm going to have a doula, for sure, but its a bit more complicated because I'm birthing at a military hospital (better VBAC rates/rules than the other local ones, believe it or not!), so I'm going to try to find a military spouse doula.  That way she'll have access onto the base on her own.  Or maybe someone who lives closer to me than the hospital.... I know there is a midwife nearby that provides doula services as well.  Hmm.

BTW Ms. B, congrats on your new little one!

I guess i need to keep working through it all.  Maybe contacting doulas would be a good way to start.

[roadfamily6now]

If you cannot find a military doula, you can probably get your doula a pass for a week or so at the visitor center.  That's what we do here, anyway.

Just curious, why must you birth in the hospital?

[justKate]

Oh, that's a good idea about the pass.  I'll definitely look in to that.

I guess it's not a MUST, but I'm really not comfortable with a home birth.  DD's birth was rough all around, and I don't think DH would be okay with it even if I found a midwife that would make me feel comfortable.  The nearest birth center is 50 miles away through bad traffic, over two toll bridges, and one tunnel.  And there's the switch to Standard, at a time when I'm unemployed and we have no extra money (actually in the red, because of my student loans that can't be deferred any longer).  The hospitals within 50 miles are (statistically) less VBAC-friendly than the military hospital, and have terrible reputations for being un-baby-friendly. 

I'm actually really happy with the midwives at the military hospital--they've all been accepting of my choices and supportive of VBACs, civilian and military alike.  DH did a great job of protecting DD from everything I didn't want when she was born, so I'm confident he can handle anything the L&D nurses might throw at him. 

Do you think it might be wise to consider traveling to the birth center despite all of the "issues" with it?  I don't know that i could convince DH to pay for a doula if we're switching to Standard for the birth center...but maybe. 

[justKate]

You know what?  After typing that last post, I'm thinking that I'm a crazy person for not pushing to transfer care to the birth center midwives.  I mean, a big part of the reason that I'm nervous about VBACing is that I want to stay home as long as possible to avoid interventions, without increasing my risk of something bad happening.  So if I'm going to the birth center, then I don't have to worry about the pushy interventions, right?  So I can just go when I'm sure that i'm in labor and not stress about DH having to do anything except hand off DD to my parents and support me, rather than fight battles.

This is the birth center:  Bon Secours Hampton Roads

[hildare]

your last post sounds like you're really making some moves in a good direction for you.

might i recommend a book for you to take a look at?   birthing from within could help you work through some of your fears, either way....

[justKate]

Just talked to a midwife at the birth center.  They don't do VBACs at the midwifery center (which is co-located with a hospital).  The same midwives see VBAC mamas at the hospital side of the facility.  Grr.  And she said the facility is old.  So basically,  all I could gain by switching would be access to midwives who work in a birth center. And the hospital is in need of renovation, whereas the military hospital L&D is brand new, with no nursery and sofa chairs for dad.  This is super frustrating.

[Beccadoula]

I was doula for a mom at a military hospital - her doctor told her not to show her face there till her contractions were 3 min. appart.  It is possible that you would not be required to be there from the first moment of labor?

[Ms. B. Sprout]

Originally Posted by justKate 

BTW Ms. B, congrats on your new little one!

Thanks!

I hope you can put together the pieces you need to feel safe. Keep chipping away at it. You have plenty of time.