Handling comments...

[christinahudler]

Hey everyone :)
I don't post on MDC often, but I knew this was one of those times where I could come here to be around some like-minded people and hopefully get some advice.

DH and I chose to not have our son circ'd.  My first son, with my ex-husband, was circumcised because no matter what I did I couldn't convince my (now ex-) husband to not have it done and we eventually came to an agreement that we would have him circumcised on the condition that he would have delayed and separate vaccinations and some we wouldn't have done at all.  I wasn't completely happy with the agreement, but back then I didn't really stick up for my beliefs the way that I should.

Anyways so, DH was completely ok with not having baby Owen circumcised, I was so happy to not have to fight over it!  But now his parents make comments, and I don't really know how to handle it.  They're not rude or anything, they just have a bad family experience with it...DH's grandfather apparently had it done later in life and there were some major complications.  When we were at the hospital his dad asked if we were having it done and when we said "no" he said that there are higher risks of certain cancers and all this stuff...which I assured my husband there were not.  Finally hubby asked the doctor about it and she, thankfully, set him straight and let him know that (her words), "It's baby plastic surgery and completely cosmetic with no medical benefits."  Since then his mom has made a couple of comments, the most recent being, "I'm just saying that I never had either of my sons have this pee issue and they were circumcised."  Basically...Owen has a habit of peeing everywhere during diaper changes.  Like, on a regular basis to the point I almost expect it now.

Like I said, they aren't rude about it or anything...but I just suck at deflecting the comments.  DH and I usually just ignore it and change the subject, but the comments just keep creeping up.  I don't want to be super confrontational because his mom is very alpha-female and intimidates me (which isn't easy to do since I have a kind of "alpha female" personality as well), but I don't know what else to do but just tell them to stop...which they probably won't do.

...any advice?  I'm sure someone here has had to deal with this before...

[Night_Nurse]

One, I think your DH should be the one to say something since they are his parents. However, it's not right that they make comments so somebody should say something. How about "With all the comments you make, I get the sense that you aren't sure or comfortable with us keeping the baby intact. I understand you chose to circ your boys and our decision to keep the baby intact is in no way meant as an insult to you or the choices you made. Doctors know now that circ isn't necessary and can bring with it serious complications. I know it's different and new to you but I promise you, the baby and his penis are fine. MIL, I feel uncomfortable that you bring this up often and I know you would never want your grandchild to hear you speaking negatively of his body parts. And I know you love him so much. You did such an amazing job raising hubby. Please trust his parenting decision to leave baby intact. No disrespect but I'd rather not discuss the baby's penis ever again please".

I gotta say, as much as I hated the fact that my nephews were circed, I never stood over them at diaper changes and made comments about their circumcised penis. That seems disrespectful to all involved. If all else fails, don't let grandma watch diaper changes or being around baby when he's naked.

Good luck!

[Imakcerka]

I would question why she keeps bringing up his penis.  Seriously that's kind of uncomfortable for some people.  She may just stop.  However it would be good if DH set them straight.  They are his parents.

[tropicana]

stop that.

stop what? 

stop making those comments.

blah. blah, blah. (whatever she says.)

it's a done deal, MIL. he is going to stay intact. again, please stop talking about his penis. 

blah, blah, blah.

i won't engage this conversation anymore. thanks for your input, but no more please. the end.

[mama24-7]

Originally Posted by christinahudler 

 Basically...Owen has a habit of peeing everywhere during diaper changes.  Like, on a regular basis to the point I almost expect it now.

Congratulations on your baby & keeping him whole!  He'll thank you some day!!!

On the comment that I highlighted...from what I've learned about elimination communication since I started to learn about it 6 years ago, the reason this happens is because humans, like other animals, do not want to soil themselves.  So, when the diaper comes of, they release their pee that they've been holding (yes, infants can hold it ;-)!).  Perhaps you could hold your son over a potty, sink or toilet instead of catching it in a wipe or clean diaper?  This is how a friend of mine ended up EC'ing her fourth baby, something she hadn't really planned to do.  Here's the EC section of MDC: http://www.mothering.com/community/f/227/elimination-communication

Best wishes dealing w/ your MIL.  I agree on letting your DH handle it.

Sus

[kathrineg]

Sorry, that's so rude of them. I agree that your DH should say something.

[4chunut1]

Originally Posted by mama24-7 

Congratulations on your baby & keeping him whole!  He'll thank you some day!!!

On the comment that I highlighted...from what I've learned about elimination communication since I started to learn about it 6 years ago, the reason this happens is because humans, like other animals, do not want to soil themselves.  So, when the diaper comes of, they release their pee that they've been holding (yes, infants can hold it ;-)!).  Perhaps you could hold your son over a potty, sink or toilet instead of catching it in a wipe or clean diaper?  This is how a friend of mine ended up EC'ing her fourth baby, something she hadn't really planned to do.  Here's the EC section of MDC: http://www.mothering.com/community/f/227/elimination-communication

Best wishes dealing w/ your MIL.  I agree on letting your DH handle it.

Sus

I totally agree with your statement..!  I am intact, and I believe one of the best things my parents did was to leave me whole and natural.  I wish I HAD thanked my mother for that, when I had the chance...

[zinemama]

Keep doing what you're doing - ignore and change the subject. Nod and say, "Hm." Let it go. Don't get into explanations, don't be confrontational. They will let it drop.

[MichelleZB]

Just say: "Circumcision doesn't affect how little boys pee; that's ridiculous. Anyway, don't you feel a bit funny talking about your grandson's genitals all the time? Let's drop it."

[LonelyPageTurnr]

Whether he pees during diaper changes has nothing to do with his foreskin.  If he were circumcised, he'd be doing the same thing.  Tell her you understand it's new to her and she's uncomfortable, but that one has nothing to do with the other, that he's intact and staying that way and it's not up for discussion.  Be polite but firm.  Also, is she trying to retract his foreskin, per chance?

[tooraloora]

My roommates son is circumcised, and he peed during diaper changes more than my intact son did. For that matter, my intact daughter used to pee everywhere during diaper changes. Maybe I should have circ'd her.

I'd probably let them know in no uncertain terms that my child's genitalia were no longer up for discussion.