So here is the back story: My mil had a falling out with her parents over a year ago and has not talked to them since. She made it very clear to my husband and I though, to not get involved, do what we are going to do, and still have a relationship with her parents. We have done so and although it is sad, it has worked out fine. We even invited everyone to my husband's 30th last year, and all attended, said hello, and that was pretty much it. I am not sure exactly what the falling out was (it sounds like it was more a build up of things), but have been pretty grateful that we are not involved and everything has been peaceful.
Fast forward a year, and I am pregnant again and my sil is having a baby shower for me in a month. I invited my hubby's whole family again. Everyone responded that they will be there. Well, I got a call yesterday from my mil saying she was not aware I had invited her mom, and that she will not be attending the shower. She never wants to see her parents again. I was so shocked I just apologized and said I didn't realize, esp b/c they all attended a party together the year before. And she just said she can't see her mom or her sister (who is mad at her for writing the parents off), and to just tell my family that she is sick that day.
Well now that it has settled in...I am having a really hard time with this! First of all, I'm not going to lie to my family, andI just think it's very selfish that she can't put her differences aside for a few hours to celebrate the life of her new grandchild. What's more bothersome is I guess this means she is going to miss baptisms, birthday parties, and other big events for her grandchildren b/c my husband has decided he is not not including anyone. He even mildly told her that he is going to invite everyone to other events and she said go ahead. Her loss I guess, but to me it is hard to let go that she is being so extreme and it's hurting others in the process.
What I am struggling with is I really, really want to say something to her but am afraid it will burn a bridge between us, and I don't want my husband to have to deal with that. My husband (only child)and his dad are sooo extremely mellow that I don't think anyone ever stands up to her and tells her she is wrong. Or if someone do, they are written off. Agghhh, what to do? Suck it up and deal or say something?