DD's car anxiety is interferring with regular interactions with the outside world - Page 2

[parsley]

I had a car seat screamer.  The only way we went out is when DH was driving and I sat in the back seat with my nipple in her mouth (not ideal for safety).   It was awful and debilitating. 

We turned DD forward facing at 1 year.  Bought her a new carseat at the same time.  What a huge relief.  She stopped screaming.  She stopped throwing up from screaming.  We could go out and no one was overwhelmed with stress hormones.  We all started to relax more and have fun as a family.

This was before the recc turned to 2 years.  Even still, I would do it again at one year.  Not being able to go out or being flooded with stress hormones when you do isn't good for health either. 

[gitanamama]

My son is also a car hater. He was exactly as you describe your daughter. Nothing worked to soothe him and anything but a 10 minute trip to the grocery store was too much stress on both of us to make it worth it. I felt trapped in my house!

We turned him around at 12 months and it helped a lot. I suffered from intense motion sickness as a child and couldn't handle facing backwards or sideways while moving, so I wonder if my little one has the same condition. We also started giving him "treats" in the car--things like smart puffs and fruit snacks that we don't usually have at home. That improved things even more!

My son still doesn't love the car, but we can now drive around town running errands without major meltdowns--such an improvement!

[journeymom]

My dd cried and bawled too, it turned out to be car sickness. I felt absolutely horrible because I didnt figure it out sooner, even though I still get car sick myself. Car sickness is absolutely horrible. Turning her around helped a whole lot.

Did I understan correctly, someone up thread will not/did not turn her her child around until age four? Four years? I don't see how thats possible?

[Rasa]

My DD HATED car rides until we got her out of her infant seat...she was just too scrunched up. Now I wonder if she was having trouble getting enough air, what with the studies showing infant hypoxia in the infant seats. She was quite long but still could have fit in an infant seat for quite some time according to the car seat's limits. But we went ahead and switched her to the britax marathon and left her backwards-facing until she was two. She was quite happy, even facing backwards, once in her new seat. She has also always preferred for 1 of us to be in the back if there are 2 adults in the car. I really don't mind this since the passenger front seat is the most dangerous seat to be in an accident anyway. And when she's happy, we're all happy ;-)

We also have always tried to not push the limit on the number of trips she could handle per outing...when she was a toddler, getting in and out of the car too many times in one day was often a struggle. I would try and accomplish as many errands as I could while DH was with her at home or vice versa.

[Miasmamma]

I know that you said that she's in the 95th percentile at a year, but my oldest DD was in the 97th and has been and didn't outgrow her Marathon till she was over 4 years old. She hit the height limit and we moved her to a high backed booster just before her 5th birthday. She does get carsick and I can't imagine what it would be like if she was rear-facing. I have my youngest DD in a Marathon and she's been FF since just before her 2nd birthday. She didn't scream though and I know that she doesn't get carsick like her sister. I feel for you and your babe. It's a tough posistion to be in on both sides. I know that there are some who say that she just has to get used to it, but if she's feeling queasy she'll start to associate EVERY car ride with that feeling and then she'll dread EVERY time you have to get in the car, whether you can ride in the back with her or not.

You need to do what you feel is right, but I can say that if I were in your shoes and had to choose, I'd turn her.

Good luck mama and know that whatever decision you make will be okay.

[jocelyndale]

Originally Posted by journeymom 

Did I understan correctly, someone up thread will not/did not turn her her child around until age four? Four years? I don't see how thats possible?

It's entirely possible.  There are plenty of seats which RF to 35-45 lbs on the market and many of them have fairly high shells for rearfacing.  There are quite a few people who keep their children rearfacing to the limits of their convertible seats.  Turning forward facing isn't some sought after milestone.  Rather, it's an inescapable reduction in safety. 

It's safer to rearface.  Kiddo still asks to turn back RF, but he outrgrew the RF limits on his seat this summer.  His feet fall asleep now that he's forward facing because they dangle.  I've rolled up blankets to place in the footwell under his feet, but he doesn't like that.  If he keeps complaining, I'll buy him a seat with higher shell and weight limit and flip him back around. 

[jenrose]

My 6 year old was rear facing to age 3 1/2 and about 33 pounds. 

For her, car seat screaming ended up being all about a little edge of velcro from the seat hitting her at just the wrong place. This is a kid who never cried, except in that damn seat. When we moved her out of the infant seat and into the Britax Boulevard, the screaming stopped.

I wouldn't turn a child around before age two, ever, period. Personally, I won't turn them around until they hit the weight limit. We were in a car accident when Shiny was 2, where we were rear-ended so hard it pushed us into the car ahead of us. Her sister and I (both forward facing, her sis was a teenager) both had headaches and mild concussions. I was in chiro for months due to whiplash. Shiny was just scared. If she'd been forward facing, she could have done worse than either of us, because her head is large and her neck is small and her muscle tone isn't great. Rear facing, she showed no signs of even mild pain after the accident. I'd rather spend a few years sticking closer to home, and venture out once my baby is happy to go. 

We had a mirror strapped very solidly to the seat back, a flexible mirror with soft edges, and that helped a TON. She used to spend much of her car time signing at herself.

[gotrenzi]

The recommendations on rear facing have been increased and I think you have the safety thing right on.  I would check the seat (if you haven't and I'm betting you have!) for any pinch points, velcro parts, anything that might be hurting her but I'm familiar with the seat you are using and it's supposedly one of the most comfortable (and safest) on the market.  I don't have an instant cure and I've never experienced this either.  The kids I took care of as a nanny were both fine in the car so I can't imagine how hard this must be. 

The fact that she is better when you or someone rides in the back with her suggests that this problem might be more of a behavior issue than a true problem with the car/car sickness, whatever.  If she was car sick, she would be car sick no matter what.  If the seat hurt, it would still hurt whether she had company or not.  Maybe you want to try having a simple but constant car routine that lets her know what is going to happen and that there will be an end.  I would work on shorter trips and then bulid her tolerance as she does better or as she outgrows it (for your sake! fingers crossed!).  Pick some soothing car music and play the exact same thing every time you go in the car.  When you buckle her in, say the same general thing - We have to go on a short drive, I'll be right here with you- and then don't say much else.  Drive and try to tune into the soothing music - maybe it will help you if not her.  I would try to avoid saying anything to her or just say "You're ok" every 1 minute and then extend that to 2 minutes or so.  As long as she is crying, don't interact too much because she probably gets you going which keeps her going....vicious cycle.  When you arrive at your destination, get her from her seat and hug her and say - See you are ok, (no matter what happened) and now it's over. 

Maybe this will help you have a feeling of having a plan, even if nothing changes for your daughter.  I hope it helps, I hope she can overcome this sooner than later.  It will pass though. 

[ashleyhaugh]

Originally Posted by journeymom 

Did I understan correctly, someone up thread will not/did not turn her her child around until age four? Four years? I don't see how thats possible?

my ds was rearfacing til 3yrs and 5 months, and 34 pounds. i sympathize with the thought of motion sickness,wheni was a kid, i couldnt make it the 20 minute drive to my grammys without puking. on the other side, ds was fine when he was rear facing, but now that hes forward facing he complains of carsickness and has thrown up a couple of times.