Thoughts on relocating, getting rid of our house

[Babina's Mommy]

This was sort of cross posted in a Finding Your Tribe forum, but it's so hard to figure out where to post this subject. Or maybe it's not and my brain is just fried. haha.

Anyway, a little background. We have three kids 4, 2, and 7 months and I am a sahm and we have a house and we do have some land. My husband has a job where he doesn't get paid all that well, not that bad, not that great, and there's no room for growth and pursuing another job doesn't seem to be working. He wants to be in construction which he says is at a standstill here. It's a long, long story, I'll spare most details but it had to do with me getting a chronic illness six years ago, missing work, getting pregnant while building our house and it leads me to where we are now, with one working parent, three kids and not knowing how expensive it

+-would be. That with the fact that this is a horribly expensive place to live. The taxes are through the roof. Property taxes are about the size of another rent or mortgage. The cost of living is terrible. We fell behind, in everything but mostly the mortgage. We have tried things to make up some more money. We have done our local farmer's market. I have done some working from home. It is still not enough to help. We have lived frugally with no more than 40 a week for groceries, living a depressing life.

We're considering a couple of different options. One is to claim bankruptcy and repay all the debt in order to keep the house and there's credit card debt as well. In order to do that, husband will have to get a second job or I will have to work. Well, we know that anything I make would not cover childcare costs. And I hate to see my husband working twice as much and missing out on the kids. We do not particularly love our house. Though we do love our land, but I cannot go out in the yard really to enjoy it anyway. Being a stay at home mom is important to me, to both of us.

We're considering relocating to another state. We are considering NH or VT where we have a couple family members and my brother in Alaska is trying to me to move there.

Has anyone ever done this. Given up their house or land because you just cannot afford it anymore? Moved to another state even if it meant you have to rent...to be able to give your kids a better life?

This is what I would like to know, if anyone has done it, or thought about it and decided against it?

[zebra15]

Yes,  I sold my home and now rent.  I am in the process of debating moving 'home' because honestly, there are just no jobs here. And I live in a major metropolitian area.  I also filed Ch7 bankruptcy many years ago and didn't have to pay anything back on that.  I walked away from a lot of debt.

A couple things I need to consider, my son is homeschooled and I'm a single parent. I need to look at how the state homeschooling laws will effect me.  I had 'daycare' costs until this year while I was working.  IDK if you will have a child starting kindy next year and possibly you could work with only 2 in daycare? or 1 in daycare, 1 in preschool and 1 in kindy?

Have you given any thought to working opposite shifts of you DH or weekends? I know its not fun but that is a way to bring in $$ with out daycare costs.

As for kids... they adjust,  they don't care if you are owning or renting.  Honestly my son loves the apt we have because there is a pool. He can go swimming anytime he wants!  There is no way I can afford a house w. a pool.  Plus I love the apt because they do all the maintance and yard work.  We literally just LIVE here.  Renting a house is a bit different but the same basic idea applies.  (Main pipes break, you call the property mgnt company or landlord, you dont have to shell out $$ to fix it)

[1jooj]

True, kids really don't care whether the house is rented or owned.

We sold our place earlier this year and moved around the world in order to make the some drastic financial changes.

I'd recommend choosing your location very carefully before giving it all up. Once you're out, you're out, kwim? That said, the fact that you're looking to be close to family seems wise. When I was really broke and working to scratch by, I had family members who helped with cheeeeaaaap childcare, which enabled me to at least bring home a little something. I also found work that I could do in part at home, which eliminated the childcare cost problem.

In our case, we sold almost everything we owned before moving. And we hate our new location. Like, really hate. On the bright side, we were planning for temporary--just not as temporary as things will turn out to be. The downside, of course, will be going back with no possessions and building a household from scratch.

[Babina's Mommy]

Thanks for your thoughts (eek on that giant space in my post, did I do that?) Well anyway, yes it's daunting and scary. But it's mostly so I can remain a sahm. I mean, is that ridiculous? Go to an apartment, leave the state, just so I can remain a sahm?

Yes we could give up our home and stay in the area and rent, but the rents are almost as high as mortgages here and I don't know how to say it nice but, anywhere you'd rent around here is just not really a nice area that I'd want my children living in.