Nanny nightmare....my husband says I'm just nuts. - Page 2

[Tjej]

So many deal breakers in there.  She should be gone yesterday.

I'd look into an au pair.  Another parent in my DD's dance class had one and it wasn't much $ (the person lives with you, so you feed and house).  She said it was cheaper than daycare would have been for her 2 kids, and it's great because it's flexible.

GL

Tjej

[BabyFireFly]

Originally Posted by RachelEve14 

Yes, gone!!! I know the area (my grandparents had a place in Loche Sheldrake, I always thought I might settle there one day...)

Even in that area, there has to be someone else! Is there any way you have room for someone to sleep? Maybe you can find a good live-in from a surrounding area who wouldn't want to commute, but will live in. Probably a good idea anyway because of winter coming up. Even the most reliable person might have trouble getting around if you are rural in the snow & ice to come.

That's where we are!!!

I have room for a live in, but I'm so worried about moving someone in and then having something go wrong....then you have to worry about them moving out!

I'm going to speak with some of the neighbors and local business owners and see if they know of anyone who is looking for this sort of job. Really, it's a great gig....hang out and play with kids and horses all day, have the run of the place, eat my food, use my computer....and get paid WELL. If any of you NY mamas know of anyone looking....hehe.

Originally Posted by Anna Phor 

Did you have a contract? Next time you hire a nanny, make sure you start out with a written contract that spells out expectations. Ours lists some causes for immediate dismissal (i.e. if you are caught doing this, you get fired ON THE SPOT): smoking while on the clock, illegal drugs--our nanny doesn't drive the kids, if she did, driving the kids without a carseat would be on there too. There are also consequences for lateness (docked pay), and a list of duties (clean up after kids, prep lunches, entertain kids in age-appropriate ways). It's all common-sense stuff, but spelling it out in writing means nobody can misunderstand it.

I should add there are also consequences for the parents on there too--e.g. late pickup means overtime pay for the nanny.

I did not. But next time, I sure will. I like putting things in writing, I think it keeps everything clear and straightforward. Didn't think I needed to when it came to childcare, but you live and you learn.

[wytchywoman]

I don't think the problem here was you not putting your foot down soon enough. Most responsible people would understand the inappropriateness of inviting your friends over while you are nannying and then allowing them to take a nap in your bosslady's bed. Or spending all your time with your parole violating boyfriend while you are supposed to be caring for three small children. As for your DH, I'm not sure what to say. She was inappropriate on so many levels that it should be really, really obvious to him. Maybe he needs to read the news more about what happens to small kids who are left in the care of someone who is not a good care provider. it doesn't typically end well.

[One_Girl]

I think you should let her go and next time hire someone without kids or with an older school age child.  It sounds like the job requires a lot of work that a single mom really probably doesn't have the energy for.  Some of the stuff may be that she doesn't have the same cleanliness standards or she is overwhelmed, but her inability to cope with the job isn't your problem.

[MissLotus]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

As for your husband, I think you probably need some counseling if he is telling you that you are crazy because you want your children to be well cared for.

This stood out to me, too!  I found that disturbing.

I'm glad you got rid of her - she was shockingly irresponsible!

[GuildJenn]

#1 and #3 are automatic deal breakers for me. I know it's resolved, but as you go forward with the next situation I thought I would back you up on that. :)

[KateDavies45]

Yeah, no that would not fly for a second. However, one note about the dirty house thing - is it starting off clean and she's making a mess and leaving it or is it, no offense meant, sort of messy to begin with and she's not doing any extra cleaning? Having made a living as a nanny I know that it would really irk me when a family had contracted me as a nanny and expected me to clean their house (for no extra pay) on top of whatever mess the kids made. cleaning any thing the kids did or dishes I/they used during the day was one thing but other than that not happening.

But that's really beside the point all the rest of that would be WAY more than I would ever put up with.

One other thing, whether you keep this girl (why you would I don't know) or hire someone else you should really have an official contract with your nanny that outlines exactly, point by point, what you expect from them in child care, cleaning, hours, sick-day protocol, what they are paid and when and what constitutes breach of contract. It protects you from them not doing their job and if they have any brain at all they'll know that it protects them from getting ripped off (not that I think you would but there are some pretty unscrupulous people out there). It's just a sugestion, I know it made things a whole lot easier for me.

....and no you're not crazy. ^_~

[nextcommercial]

I was ready to let her go at number 2. 

The rest made my blood boil, and I am NOT even remotely critical.  

[LilMomma83]

I did not read all the replies..

I would get rid of her NOW. I lost count of how many reasons I would fire her...and I'm fairly trusting/forgiving...this sounds like a safet issue to me.

[Nillarilla]

Nope gone! Absolutely gone! definitely not crazy. Listen to your gut.

[NZ Nanny]

Im sorry to hear you have had a tough time with a total loser of a Nanny. People like her give us other Nannies a bad name. we all arent that bad!

I had to read that post a couple of times and am totaly horrified that someone can do that.  I have been a Nanny for over 15 years now and also now recruit New Zealand Nannies overseas(Im in Australia) and I have never in all that time come across anything like this. I have met lots of Nannies and families in all different countries and have heard lots of different stories about various nannies but never have I heard of one this bad. The way she is acting she will end up losing her child as thats not a good environment to bring a child up in with smoking,drinking and partner in jail and all the rest. Im glad she is no longer working for you as the children dont need to go thru all of that and also you dont need the stress of that-especialy being away alot.

I talked to a family 2 weeks ago who were looking for a nanny and they said to me if any nanny is interested in job and she smokes we wont interview her as we dont want a smoker.

Im still in shock that she can be so pathetic and am lost for words(which is very uncommon for me) Make sure with the next one check references(you probaby did but she sounds like such a liar that she would have made it all up) and ask for as many phone numbers as you can. google the questions to ask the person you call and I would ask even more questions. Im sure there will be a nice perfect Nanny or Aupair out there for you who isnt a total drop kick like the previous one...

[Ragana]

A friend of mine has also had great experiences with au pairs - regularly keeps in touch with a few of the old ones (attended one's wedding even), kids learn new languages, etc. They have all been sweet and good with the kids. It helps that they have a separate bedroom and bathroom on the ground floor & family has their bedrooms upstairs, so there is some privacy & separation because it's not a huge house. It's great to try to employ people in the area for childcare, but if it's not working, it's not working. Of course, there is an added cost to going through an agency to get an au pair, but at least they are vetted and all the legalities are taken care of. Also, from your posts it seems like this cost would be more than offset by recouping the money from your business when you have the peace of mind that your kids are well cared for.

I also don't understand your husband's point of view! It's not like any of these are possibly gray areas, like being 10 min. late once in a while,  this is over-the-top crazy and *dangerous* stuff!

[Justmee]

Originally Posted by BabyFireFly 

That's where we are!!!

I have room for a live in, but I'm so worried about moving someone in and then having something go wrong....then you have to worry about them moving out!

I'm going to speak with some of the neighbors and local business owners and see if they know of anyone who is looking for this sort of job. Really, it's a great gig....hang out and play with kids and horses all day, have the run of the place, eat my food, use my computer....and get paid WELL. If any of you NY mamas know of anyone looking....hehe.

I did not. But next time, I sure will. I like putting things in writing, I think it keeps everything clear and straightforward. Didn't think I needed to when it came to childcare, but you live and you learn.

well as my mother would say, the world is one square block. I bet I wouldn't even recognize the place now. I remember when the gas station / mini mart went up (must have been 20 years ago now...), and it was big news! When I was a kid we went to swim in the lake (years before it was a private club).

Good luck witih the nanny stuff, and thanks for the trip down memory lane! If you have a blog of any pics online I'd love to see. Gosh I'm almost crying.

Sorry, took the thread waaaay off topic :x

[hakeber]

I would have fired her the second day.  I cannot abide lateness.

That alone would have been it.

The rest is just superfulous evidence of a woman who needs a job but doesn't want one.

I would let her go and start looking fo an au pair who can live with you.

There are some great angencies that can you up with one.  Maybe one who speaks a different language and can teach your LO and new language.

http://www.aupairinamerica.com/

http://www.interexchange.org/au-pair-usa

Can you get family or a friend to fill in while you find someone?

[Quinalla]

Glad to hear it resolved itself. And no, you definitely weren't being overly critical. If she was just a bit late at times, or sometimes left the house messy, or that sort of thing, sure you can overlook that, but all of those things plus the big deal things, no way! You can definitely find someone better. And I agree, draw up a contract next time with some rules (more than 5 or 10 minutes late, you can dock pay, especially if not contacted about the lateness, no people over that aren't agreed to ahead of time by you, etc.) and then a separate short list of guidelines and expectations. Like expecting the house to be in relatively the same condition you left it, bedtimes, etc. And then when anything of concern comes up, bring it up right away and work together to solve it. It can be so hard to confront, but the nanny is your employee!