Four Births, two countries, all entirely different experiences

[sarafi]

After having what will most likely be my last baby, I have been thinking a lot about all four of my pregnancies and labors and decided to write them out. I hope this helps someone else.

First baby: My husband and I tried once for my first pregnancy, and immediately after DTD I knew I was not ready to be a momma yet. Luckily it turns out it was meant to be and DD1 was conceived that very night. I was 25 years old, and a healthy, but out of shape, 130lbs. By the time I went to the doctor four weeks later I had gained ten pounds, two cup sizes, and stretch marks all over my breasts and thighs. I was also terrified of giving birth.

We moving shortly after I started OB care, to another city in America and I had to undergo all new STD testing and various other blood work. When we switched insurances, I was tested again and no one would trust any previous tests. This was my first clue that I would be doing a lot of things I didn't agree with, but at that point I was not knowledgeable about birth so I didn't have the courage to refuse anything.

The first trimester went well, but I developed severe allergies, we were poor and lived in a moldy old apartment. I had migraines every day and still suffer from allergies. Starting at my second trimester I gained in leaps and bounds and my blood pressure started to climb. I was on "house rest" the entire last trimester and "couch/bed rest" for the last month, during which I gained almost forty pounds. An inductions was scheduled at 40 weeks as I knew at least that I did not want an amnio, and they refused to induce early without one.

The night before my induction I had a Foley catheter inserted in my previously non dilated cervix with a small bubble in it to "irritate" my cervix and start contractions. I was sent home in the most severe pain, I could have imagined and was even more horrified by the idea of laboring without pain meds. I could not walk between contractions, the pain was so intense and my husband was scared to death. After an hour or so, I urinated and felt immediate and complete relief. My husband on the other hand was still petrified and while I slept soundly he stayed awake all night in terror.

The next morning we went in to start the induction for real, and I could tell it would be hard as my husband was really dragging from having been up and worried all night. My cervix was dilated to a 2, and they started the pitocin via IV and I really did not have much pain. After a few hours and student nurse came and declared I was a 6! and that things would be going quickly so I should get the epidural if I wanted as the anesthesiologist would be busy later. Still in almost no pain, but terrified by the knowledge that labor was supposed to hurt I agreed. At that point I was restricted to the bed, it was 11:00 am.

An hour after getting the IV, my doctor arrived to check and was all kinds of pissed to find I was really only "barely a four" and why the F$%^ did she have to come in so early just because nurses could not do checks correctly. And that was the minute I was sure my OBGYN was a mistake, yet it was way too late to change doctors (in my mind). She roughly checked me every 30 minutes or so, refused to let me eat or drink and just generally let me know she was not happy to have been called in so early.

Around 2:00 or so I let her break my water to help hurry us along. It didn't noticeably help. My epidural wore off around 4:00 and I tried to kick out my sister, who kept kicking the bed and managed to kick out all of my other labor support, so it was just me and the hubs. Pushing began around 5:30, and was SOOOO hard and I didn't make any progress. Since I had, had the epidural I was forced to remain flat on my back or on my side even though it had worn off entirely. Agonizing.

After two hours of pushing, my doctor was fed up and said she really needed to go "make a real estate phone call" and suggested I rest a bit. Somehow that sounded like a great idea and I jumped all over it, only to realize the second she left that you can't really just take  break when you need to push. So I pushed for 30 minutes longer, Dr. came back and said "I am giving you and episiotomy and vacuuming her out. She did, I was horrified but baby was born and healthy.

Averie 7lb 12 oz, 14 hours of labor, epidural, episiotemy, vacuum and Mama gained almost 70lbs.

[sarafi]

Second Baby: After our first pregnancy and birth, which I found to be traumatic, I really wanted to wait a LONG time to get pregnant again. Also DD1 was a very needy baby and I needed the break. We got pregnant the second time very quickly and were ready and healthy. Started the pregnancy a fit 130 lbs.

Again, I suffered from migraines, but not much else while pregnant. I did not gain shocking amounts of weight, and my pictures on delivery day look a lot like the ones we took 1 month PP with DD!

Everything was normal, aside from the fact that we were now in Japan and were dealing with an entirely different type of medical system. Japan focuses on natural deliveries in BOGON clinics rather than in general hospitals except for those deemed high risk, which I had a high chance of being. I dutifully went to the clinic every two weeks, then every week to be scolded about my weight gain and told that I would be having a "monster" baby "nine pounds at least" and that I would never get him out. As I gained only 20-25 lbs the entire pregnancy I just ignored those ideas, but was still worried about what labor would be like.

I told the doctor that I did not want an epidural this time, and as it is not normal to have one in Japan he did not have an issue with that. He did let me know that he "makes them for Americans" but that I could try without if I wanted.

It turned out, with number two labor started almost two weeks early, and the day after my husband took his basketball team to Korea. He could not come back, and luckily I had asked an acquaintance to be my back up as I did not have any good friends there yet.

Labor started this time with mild back pain for a day, then a night time leaking of waters. No contractions, but after 12 hours or so of the waters being broken I decided to head to the clinic to see if that really was what was going on. It was, but was such a slow trickle that it took forever to confirm. At that point my doctor suggested a "pill to get things started" I said OK, and my labor coach went back to my home to collect my paperwork for the hospital.

Almost immediately I was in severe pain and was in a tiny room alone trying to cope. A nurse came in who spoke no English, but kept insisting that I take another pill and I finally caved. She left and I continued to labor alone, terrified and in pain. I remember trying to open the window, and finding them locked and thinking "of course, if this is what labor feels like all women would try to throw themselves out if they could" That I think was during transition.

Another nurse came in, just after my labor coach came back, and only two hours after I was admitted to try to give me another pill. I was begging to be checked and trying to dodge the pill, but to doctor had told her to bring me in after four hours to check dilation and she was having none of my craziness. She finally cornered me and got me to take the pill, but I followed her out into the hall shouting "pushing!!!" The poor woman was horrified and made me walk to the delivery room, shaking her head at the crazy American the whole time. As soon as she checked me, she freaked out as I was indeed ready to push.

Dr. ran in, and started trying to do perineum massage. After the first time, I freaked as the whole thing felt so out of control that I didn't want anything else going on "down there" I said no, he did it again and the third time he tried I hit him across the head. Yeah, you don't question doctors in Japan, much less hit them, so I got my legs and arms tied down for the duration. Luckily once he stopped trying to stretch me, baby was born in four pushes. 

The cord was cut and baby and labor coach left the room to go check vitals. Dr. tugged hard on my cord to get the placenta, and I felt something tear. Then the Dr. calmly told me "and now I will clean your uterus" and proceeded to put his entire arm inside of me to take out what must have been a retained placenta. Holy cow that hurt worse than the labor, and it wasn't until almost a year later that I learned that was not just "one of those things they do in Japan", but was do to an actual problem. I was again terrified of having another baby.

Owen 6 lbs. 9 oz (not 9 lbs!!), induced, placenta retention, manual extraction of placenta Momma gained 20 ish lbs. The entire labor was less than 3 hours, but heavily medically induced.

[sarafi]

Third Baby: At this point, having two kiddos and having had two scary birth experiences I was pretty okay with being done having babies.  I cried when the BFP came back on number three. My "normal weight" had crept up to 150 and I was very worried about giving birth in Japan again.

This time my husband was home, and his mother came to help with the kids again. (She was also there for DS1's birth). OBGYN care was super lax this time, as I had proved I could birth a healthy baby so we had monthly visits and no vaginal tests at all. I was very clear that I was not okay with the doctor pulling on the cord at all and if I had to have stitches he had to wait 10 minutes after giving me four shots to begin. I repeated that every visit.

My contractions started again around 10 pm, but after the "false" labor I didn't want to wake up my husband and listen to his teasing so I went downstairs alone. I labored on my birthing ball while doing middle of the night volunteer work, and eventually moved to our huge Japanese bath tub. Luckily I brought my cell phone.

After maybe a half hour in the tub, contractions were getting more intense and I couldn't talk through them. I called my girlfriend and had her as back up, in case I could not make it upstairs to wake up my husband. For some reason I was adamant about not waking up the other kids (I think because I woke my daughter up to say goodbye for the previous birth and MIL was not happy to watch a super cranky toddler all day).

Somehow I made it back upstairs and got my husband up, MIL also heard and came to see what we were doing. At this point I was contracting every 1-1/12 minutes and was trying to stop them from joking, trying to stop my husband from packing the kids lunches for the next day!, and just trying to get him to drive me to the clinic. When I had to throw myself on the ground to get throw a contraction MIL stepped into gear and shoved DH out the door. He spent a few minutes trying to get the car seat out of the van, but I pulled him away and ripped it out "hulk-style" he says and we were off.

My memory has me calmly noting "I think I am in transition" in the car, his has be screaming it By the time we were at the clinic I was ready to push in the parking lot. Oddly, after walking up to the labor  room that urge had past and I had absolutely no urge to push. We waited through a few contractions, Dr. broke my water and I still had no urge. He said "you can sit there for ten more contractions and the baby will be born, or push twice and he will be here" He did remind me that he would not pull on my placenta, but I think that I still didn't trust him. I said waiting sounded good to me! Two contractions later and doctor and DH both start insisting that I push, so I did and he was born in two pushes.

Eli 7lb 10oz, almost full term, almost born in the caul, no meds, and easy and fast delivery. Mama gained 25 lb.s

[sarafi]

Fourth baby: After getting pregnant again in Japan, but having moved to another area I was on the hunt for a new OBGYN again. Since the pregnancy seemed normal at first (other than this time I had morning sickness for the first time and was vomiting at least 4 times/day) I put the OBGYN hunt on the back burner. My eldest, was suffering from severe UTI's and at the time had undiagnosed Vesicoureteral reflux combined with "a-typical" UTI's so her infections were severe, frequent and hard to get treated as the doctors all just thought I was crazy.

When my morning sickness passed at about ten weeks, I got excited and spent the day cleaning and moving furniture. Woke up the next morning to a blood filled toilet, and a new problem to try to address. I could not get any Japanese doctors to see me, as I could not find a translator and we were new to the area. I could not use the base facilities as I had not started the process weeks before and they refused to see me until I was eight weeks along. No amount of insisting that I was over ten weeks and bleeding helped, I had to wait at least two weeks to prove that I was at least eight weeks along before I could be seen by and OBGYN?!?!?!

I could have gone to the emergency room, but that was were I was having to get all the care for my eldest daughter and they were not fans of mine at that point. After two weeks of bleeding and cramping, I finally caved in and did go to the emergency room after calling and being told I could get an ultrasound. That was not true, I had a vaginal exam and was told my cervix was "slightly open" and that my uterus was not enlarged at all. He refused to try to find a heartbeat. I started crying, I thought for sure the baby was gone and I just wanted to "see it". A kind nurse paged an OBGYN upstairs and she brought an ultrasound and said, "you have a perfectly healthy 12 week fetus". She got me on her scheduled and I started care in Japan. 

The fact that I was still nursing my almost two year old did make my contractions worse and I elected to wean him at that point. Soon after the bleeding and cramping stopped. I tested nursing out again a few weeks later and had a major bleed, so he was weaned for good at that point.

Maybe a month later, we finally had a diagnosis for my eldest and knew we would need surgery. We  decided that I should take the kids back to America and have our daughter treated at the Children's hospital near my parents, so we did and a little over a week later the big earthquake hit northern Japan, and the nuclear plants started to "leak" and we decided to hang out in America for a while.

We stayed in America and I had a great rest of the pregnancy, other than the fact that I again gained over sixty! lb.s and was a single-pregnant-overweight parent with three older kids to run after. Yikes.

I thought for sure that labor would be short again, and yet little miss had other ideas. For two days and nights I had contractions that were very mild, maybe five-ten minutes apart and just enough to keep me from sleeping. I finally checked into the hospital around 11 at night, to use the bath-tub and maybe catch a nap. I was SOOO tired, but with my favorite cousin and so were were laughing and chatting while checking in.

The nurse on duty was skeptical, but I told her this was my fourth baby and that I knew I was probably not far along, but wanted to check in as I was exhausted. My BP was pretty high, and I was shocked when she said I was "over eight, but it was hard to tell with the bulging bag in the way". I was sure she was going to say 2-4 cm. Luckily my Dr. was on duty that night, so he came down and we chatted and I kept insisting that she was wrong. I was still in my street clothes when her waters broke and things got painful quickly. Luckily she was born 30 minutes later and was perfect. The only problem was that she had swallowed tons of mec and spent her first few days screaming and pooping and making the loudest digestive noises I had ever heard. I had pulled the monitors off when my water broke and my contractions got painful and no one mentioned it, but after Dr. said he would have been pretty worried if he had seen the monitor.

Frances 7 lb 5 oz, two days of labor, 1.5 hours in the hospital, Mama gained over 60 lb.s and I am done having babies! (Except I kind of want just one more )

[mamablitz]

wow! great stories, I especially like the non-traumatic fourth birth! Im so glad you got to have a positive experience after so much trauma

[Lovesong]

Pulling on the cord? Couldn't that cause severe damage? *shakes head*

I'm sorry you had to go through two such traumatic births before you could have two that sound more like they should have been from the beginning.

[Almi]

I cried for you when I read that you CRIED when you got your third BFP because of all your birth trauma.  That is so terrible.

Thanks for sharing. <3

[yarngoddess]

What birth stories! So different, yet so similar.  You certainly have a Warrior Mama thing going on- and so glad your last delivery was better than your traumatic ones! Amazing!