Is divorce easier if the children are over 18?

[Ann-Marita]

The title pretty much says it all:  Is divorce any easier if the child(ren) are all legally adults?  I would think that this would result in no custody battle. 

I am going to go talk to a legal advocate (not a lawyer, not yet) soon.  And I will ask her about this.  But I wanted to know what the people at MDC think.

DH has stated that he would make a custody battle bitter (he may have said "nasty", I don't remember) and I believe him.  So, I've had this idea in the back of my mind to revisit the divorce decision when DD is 18.

But the last few days have been hell, and part of me is screaming "file for divorce NOW".  But I do not know that I have the emotional energy to fight a bitter custody battle - it seems that just waiting a couple more years might be worth it. 

[*MamaJen*]

That reminds me of a joke I heard -- a 95 year old couple walk into the lawyer's office and say they want a divorce after 70 years of marriage. The lawyer is astounded and asks why they'd divorce this late in the game. And they reply, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."

I don't know your back story -- are you very clear in your mind that you do want a divorce and the marriage is beyond saving? I don't have a clear answer to your question, but I do know that at this point, your daughter will have a large amount of discretion in what happens with custody. And if he's openly threatening to make a custody battle nasty/bitter, then he'll probably also take the same tactic with anything else -- the house, finances, possessions, paying for her college, etc. Good luck, and I'm sorry it sounds like a rough time ahead. 

[NolaRiordan]

Well I think the answer to your question is generally yes. If the kids are over 18 you don't have to worry about custody or child support which are generally a huge part of the process. However there is still all the financial part to go through no matter what, not to mention the emotional part.

How old is your kid now? I think if you are really miserable and the home is not a peaceful one you are likely not doing your kid any favors staying together.

[MissLotus]

MamaJen is right that if your child is a teen, she'll be able to have a say in where she'd like to be.  (At 18, of course, custody issues wouldn't even be up to the parents any more as the child has a legal right to an independent life if they choose.)  So your husband may be threatening, in hopes to keep you from filing for divorce, but just because he's saying it, doesn't mean it's valid.  If he's threatening to make things ugly, I'm taking an educated guess that he's a control freak - and they'll say anything to keep you from going your own way. 

I notice your signature says that you homeschool your daughter, and from that I'm deducing you're the primary caregiver - that's a big thing with custody.  Definitely speak to a lawyer and/or the legal advocate to find what's common in your area.  And if he's making you miserable, don't let his threats make you stay so that he can continue to make you miserable.  Like the PP said, that's not a good environment for any child.

[ZoeyZoo]

I agree with the PP's advice above.

The other question I have to the PP is how long have you been married? In many states the length of the marriage has impact to how things are split. For example in my state if the marriage is under 10 years it's different than if it was more. Things like alimony are especially different.

I recommend seeing if there is an attorney who does free consultations and that should help you understand what you're entitled to in your state and how the local judges usually do things.

[sparklefairy]

I literally laughed out loud at this one :-)

I know a couple who just might fit this description...
 

Originally Posted by *MamaJen* 

That reminds me of a joke I heard -- a 95 year old couple walk into the lawyer's office and say they want a divorce after 70 years of marriage. The lawyer is astounded and asks why they'd divorce this late in the game. And they reply, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."

[Ann-Marita]

I do understand that if he is threatening to be nasty about custody, then chances are that he will be nasty about other things, too.  It's just that on other things, if I run out of emotional energy (or money to pay lawyers), then giving up isn't a huge deal.  But feeling forced to give up on a custody battle for my daughter would be the worst thing to ever happen to me.

Thanks, everyone.  I will come back later and post more.  Got to leave for work.