What a RELIEF to find this site.
I have been struggling over something my best friend (I thought) said to me over 6 weeks ago and have really stepped back from her a lot. We have been friends for 40 years. We were in a store and I said to my very modest friend a comment that she considered vulgar. I don't want to type it here as she may recognize herself. I am NOT a vulgar person. I do NOT curse or swear. I felt the comment was very benign and there was no one around us. Let's just say it had to do with us going over to some low cut dresses and me saying we should buy one for her and we could find her a man.
She got SO mad and said,"How DARE you say something so vulgar to me like that".Huh? I got tears in my eyes and said,"What's wrong with you? You have never talked to me like this". She said,"I don't care if you are crying. Don't you ever talk to me that way again". She turned to walk away and didn't notice I left the store and came home,pretty upset.
Later,she called me and said she knew I was upset but that she had kept some things bottled up for too long and I just needed to hear some truths about myself. I put the phone on speaker so my husband could hear her. She said I was vulgar in my statement,she was tired of my always talking about things she didn't find interesting,I was a gossip and she was tired of me acting like I was part of her family because I wasn't,we were just best friends". My husband handed me a piece of paper that said,"Tell her you are glad she got all this out (even tho I hadn't said a word) and you will call her soon". So,I did and hung up and cried my eyes out. This was not the person I have known for over 40 years.
My husband just put his arms around me and said,"She showed her true colors,honey. I don't think it's healthy for you for you to have contact with her in the near future. Let her simmer a bit and think about what she said and realize there are consequences to her actions. DO NOT CALL HER".
So,that is what I have done. I never call her. I think about her and all the good times we had together. I mean,my gosh,she's my son's godmother.
3 days later,she called to invite me to lunch. I turned her down and said I didn't have time to talk. She has called 2 more times and finally I said,"Don't you think we have something to talk about,about what you said to me,before we act like nothing happened"? She said,"Oh,for goodness sake. That was a long time ago (6 weeks ago). Get over it". So again,I turned down her lunch request and said I had to go.. I can only assume our friendship is over and it saddens me beyond belief. I have not heard from her since and I will not call her.
At the same time,I feel relieved. After her divorce (which is what I think what changed her.....It broke her heart and mine too and he is now remarried which devastated her even more),she got even further into her religion and now it's her whole life. She says she's a Christian and is quick to point out if you say something she thinks isn't Christian. I felt like I walked on eggshells with her all the time.
I do hope we may one day be able to talk. But even if that did happen,she really damaged our friendship and I could never feel the same toward her. We wouldn't be seeing each othe even half as often as we did. We will never be best friends again.
I took the high road because there was PLENTY I could say that has bothered me about her over the years but I did not hurl ONE insult back.
But I'm still pretty heartbroken. I miss the friend I USED to know so much.
). Maybe it's for the best...like you said, she has changed over the years and it's difficult to keep walking on eggshells around her. The fact that she won't address or apologize for what she said and even belittled you for not "getting over it" shows that she doesn't have much respect for you or your friendship. There's not much you can do except maybe write her a letter if you feel so inclined, sharing how much her words hurt you and whatever else is in your heart. Even if you don't want much of a friendship with her anymore, this could be very healing for you and help you move on. I'm sorry your heart is hurting...I wish you well 
