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Mothering › Groups › September 2011 Birth Club › Discussions › PPD anyone?

PPD anyone?

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 

I know we talked a bit about this in the DDC, but just thought I'd see how people are doing.  I'm gradually more and more thinking PPD might be an issue for me.  Now that we've passed the one month mark, I'm less and less thinking it's just normal hormonal fluctuations, and think maybe I should talk to my doctor.  I struggle with depression at the best of times, and have my whole life, and am finding things difficult right now.  My baby is a pretty easy baby for the most part, but I'm finding most of the difficulty stems from still processing her birth, and the guilt I feel as a result, thinking what could have happened if I'd made different choices.  As well as the prospect of no more kids (I knew she was probably the last, but now that it's been decided for me, I tend to freak out that I won't be doing this again, or that again, etc, and she is growing so fast it makes me sad that I won't have a newborn again.  I already miss being pregnant.)  Also my relationship is a big source of frustration.  After parenting the other kids all day, and giving everything I have to the baby all day, I feel like my reserves are totally on empty by the end of the day.  I need adult affection and contact, I need hugs and kisses and "I love you"s and just to feel wanted and needed by someone other than an infant, you know?  And I'm not getting that right now and it's really hard for me.  We've only been together a year, and have been through so much, and I just wish I felt more secure, but I don't.  And I burst into tears about it a million times a day, but can't bring myself to talk to him about it.  I'm a terrible communicator, and stemming from my previous marriage, I don't like to bring up problems for fear he will leave.  I know, it's an issue. 

 

Basically, I am a wreck these days.  I'm getting by, but I'm not sure how long before I really lose it.  I don't want to go back on antidepressants while I'm nursing, I stopped taking them when I got pregnant.  But I don't know if anything else is going to help. 

 

Anyone else in the same boat?

post #2 of 24

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I totally think you should talk to your doctor about this. Zoloft is quite safe while nursing, as are some other SSRIs. Given what happened in your birth, you could very well have PTSD. That alone could make you feel awful.

 

I hope things get better soon. hug.gif

post #3 of 24

I agree that you should talk to your doctor. I do think that "relatively safe" is a better term than "quite safe" though... as there is still some risk associated with taking SSRIs and nursing, as some of the drug is passed through to breastmilk, though admittedly less than with other antidepressants. 

 

Please also consider finding a therapist or counselor to talk to on a regular basis, before turning to psychotropic medications. IMO, they should really be a last resort... messing with our brain chemistry is no small thing.

 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms. B. Sprout View Post

hug2.gif

 

hug2.gif

 

hug2.gif

 

I totally think you should talk to your doctor about this. Zoloft is quite safe while nursing, as are some other SSRIs. Given what happened in your birth, you could very well have PTSD. That alone could make you feel awful.

 

I hope things get better soon. hug.gif



 

post #4 of 24

First, hugs.

 

Second,  I missed SO MUCH of DD's first year wrapped up in my own PPD.  I so regret not seeking help earlier.  I promised myself this time that I would NOT do that again.  There is no need to suffer alone.  None at all.  While I am not the jump on the meds bandwagon with most things, I should have jumped on one after her birth. Please, see your Dr. and know that meds can help.  Again, one of the few things in life I really regret!

 

Thirst, I feel much of what you are.  The "Last baby" thing is really hard for me.  I am having a hard time not crying even typing this out.  While I didn't have it decided for me as you did, it is still really hard to deal with.  It makes me so sad on so many levels.  That is what I am having the hardest time with here.

 

 

So again, hugs.  Get to the Dr.  Take meds if needed and try and enjoy every moment, even the tough ones.

post #5 of 24

I was about to start a thread similar to this! 

 

Rareimer~ Im sorry you are having such a tough time.  I would say the thing to remember is you DID make all the right decisions and you have a beautiful healthy baby because of it.  Its easy to spiral into the what ifs though, I understand.  Im sorry you don't have the partner support you long for.  

 

My difficulties have to do with expressing my feelings to my mw about how I felt my homebirth (transfer) was handled.  My mw has expressed that , although she is heading into retirement, we could call her if we wanted to use her for our next birth.  I have anxiety about telling her , now? or later? that I would not be able to go with her again.  While I did not have a horrible traumatic hospital transfer, it was actually not that bad at the hospital (as being at a hospital goes) I have that nagging feeling that with the proper care at home I could have maybe pulled it off. But, I was scared, and I went with her suggestion to go to the hospital.  I did have a really long labor at home ( Friday evening until Sunday evening- baby born at hospital monday morning) without ANY sleep more than in between contractions.  can anyone help me by saying that after such a long home labor it WAS the right choice to go the hospital?

 

Also just go the initial hospital bill, along with the money we had already paid the mw... along with the fact that we live paycheck to paycheck and still go into debt every month.  .... its a lot of stress... and I go there in my mind... what if I had just stayed at home? ah, its such a mystery! 

 

Her prenatal and postnatal and hospital assistance were all so great... how do I express that I am grateful for most of the care, but I feel that some certain moves made at home are questionable to me.  

 

side question:  the assistant mw came when I was 7 cm or so and then 5 hours later left , I was about 8 cm at that time.  Is that typical for a assistant to leave when there is little progress?  A couple of hours later I went to the hospital.  She would have been the one to give me IV fluids at home, and she wasn't there to do it... I am dissapointed with that.  Especially because all I ended up getting at the hospital was IV fluids! 

 

And I guess its obvious that I spiral ! Thanks for listening to my rant. Any advice on a graceful way to express my feelings to my mw.?.. I don't want to hurt her feelings because we have really become friends and I value that.  

 

I don't know if my feelings qualify as PPD , I don't think so, but I do think about this a lot and would love to get it off my chest... 

post #6 of 24

just re read my post and realized how off topic I got... sorry mamas... I SO appreciate this forum !!!

post #7 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by scsigrl View Post

Second,  I missed SO MUCH of DD's first year wrapped up in my own PPD.  I so regret not seeking help earlier.  I promised myself this time that I would NOT do that again.  There is no need to suffer alone.  None at all.  While I am not the jump on the meds bandwagon with most things, I should have jumped on one after her birth. Please, see your Dr. and know that meds can help.  Again, one of the few things in life I really regret!

 


This. Same exact situation with me.

 

However, I am trying to self-medicate with 1000mg of fish oil every day. I have dehydrated my placenta, but I still need to grind and encapsulate it... it's been almost 2 months! When I take the fish oil (salmon oil, technically. I am taking New Chapter Wholemega.), I notice such a difference. But then I forget. And I feel depressed and can't focus. So I forget to take my supplements. And then I get depressed and can't focus... vicious cycle.

 

I am generally opposed to medications, but I should have taken something after my son was born. I really don't want to get into it, but I can say that if I start feeling like that again, I will not hesitate to get a prescription.

post #8 of 24

I felt eating my placenta helped my mood.  I had it encapsulated and took it for about two weeks.  (what my mw recommended) and I have the rest in the freezer.  Feelin like I should take it again to guide me through. :) 

 

bignerpie: where does the time go, right? I hope you get to encapsulate.. or if you can afford it, will your mw or someone in your area do it for you? 

post #9 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamareba View Post

 

bignerpie: where does the time go, right? I hope you get to encapsulate.. or if you can afford it, will your mw or someone in your area do it for you? 


I know... I have a bag of placenta jerky in my refrigerator. I just haven't gotten around to doing the rest, mainly because I haven't felt like cleaning my coffee grinder nut.gif. I have the little encapsulator machine and the capsules. I just need to find the time to it done. I should have asked my husband to do it. I did the icky part, and he can do the rest! lol.gif

post #10 of 24
Quote:
can anyone help me by saying that after such a long home labor it WAS the right choice to go the hospital?

Yes! It was the right choice.

I was in labor from Thursday night and went to the hospital around midnight on Saturday 8 cm dilated, so a similar length of time. I had a stop-start labor pattern and was able to get lots of sleep, and I was still insanely tired and in serious need of IV fluids. My baby also went into serious distress pretty soon after we got there, I think he was exhausted too.

I can't imagine if I'd been having regular contractions that whole time! You did a great job and should not feel bad about going to the hospital (although it is totally fine for you to be upset with your midwife).
post #11 of 24

I have been doing 3000 mgs of fish oil and 3000 Vit. D. I totally notice it if I miss any.

 

I will keep this up as it seems to be working for me this time BUT I know I won't hesitate to get to the Dr. for meds if I feel myself slipping!

post #12 of 24
Rareimer- sending you thousands of cyber hugs! Please talk to your doctor. I had PPD with my first DD and saw a psychologist. It helped so much. You had a rough time of it, and you need some good support!
post #13 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by scsigrl View Post

 

 

Second,  I missed SO MUCH of DD's first year wrapped up in my own PPD.  I so regret not seeking help earlier.  I promised myself this time that I would NOT do that again.  There is no need to suffer alone.  None at all.  While I am not the jump on the meds bandwagon with most things, I should have jumped on one after her birth. Please, see your Dr. and know that meds can help.  Again, one of the few things in life I really regret!


Yep. This was me too.

post #14 of 24
post #15 of 24

Same here.  More to do with some emotional stuff that went on during pregnancy and that I chose a different midwife than the one I would have loved to have.  Definitely talking it out has helped me a lot and talking to the people that things actually involved.  I've already had my 6 week appt with my midwife, but I'm going to see if I can come and see her again to talk to her.  The last appt I was still trying to figure out why I was feeling the way I was and couldn't put it to words.  I would start talking to a friend and then start talking to your partner.  I found that if I started with my husband, then it would have been a little much because he had no idea that I was feeling the way I was.  I found talking with a friend helped me to make sense of things.

 

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post #16 of 24

Well, depression has been an issue for me for a while. It really seems to run in my family. I was on zoloft when i was pregnant with my son four years ago. I got off when I found out, but decided with doc to get back on at 12 weeks pregnant. The benefits just FAR outweighed the risks. With this pregnancy, I didn't stop taking it. Which I think was a good decision since I had a four year old during this pregnancy. I still struggled with it because I was so sick for so many weeks. I am having a tough time lately but I think it is more circumstantial. I emailed a counselor today to make an appointment for DH and I to go talk to. For some reason adding a second child into our family has really put a strain on our marriage. And at five weeks now it is seriously coming to a head.

 

I would encourage you to talk to your doctor (if you have one). Depression can make everything seem worse than it is. I am so sorry grouphug.gif

post #17 of 24

Yes HUGE hugs!!!

 

I didn't have a problem with PPD with either baby but I did feel pretty distraught over the c-section I had with my first and now I'm having a hard time accepting that this could be the last baby for us, (DH says no more, I've convinced myself that there will be one more, maybe so I don't have to keep dwelling on how quickly she's growing and how I'm already missing the early newborn stage) even though it hasn't been decided indefinitely for me by circumstances out of my control.  So I can see how you're having such a hard time.  I hope you're doing a bit better, or getting some help from your doctor!  You can always rant here too.

 

post #18 of 24
Thread Starter 

I'm going to call my doctor tomorrow and talk about going back on Zoloft.  The depression and anxiety just seem to be getting worse and worse, and it's the only thing that has worked for me in the past.  I still hate to take it while breastfeeding, just since they don't know what, if any, the long term effects could be, but I need to do something before it gets so bad that I'm incapable of doing anything.  With three kids and everything else going on, I can't afford to feel like this any longer.  A lot of it is situational, but I know from experience that I will not be able to do anything about anything if I'm feeling so down, so if I can get to an even place with meds, then maybe I can start to try to fix the situation.  Thank you for all your kind words, I need them right now.  Feeling pretty unsupported in general :(

post #19 of 24

I am so happy for you to be taking this step.  Proud too.  You are an amazing woman and Mom!

post #20 of 24

You're doing what you need to do.  Good on you!

 

I'm pretty sure I asked you this way at the beginning, but where in BC do you live?  

 

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