I know we talked a bit about this in the DDC, but just thought I'd see how people are doing. I'm gradually more and more thinking PPD might be an issue for me. Now that we've passed the one month mark, I'm less and less thinking it's just normal hormonal fluctuations, and think maybe I should talk to my doctor. I struggle with depression at the best of times, and have my whole life, and am finding things difficult right now. My baby is a pretty easy baby for the most part, but I'm finding most of the difficulty stems from still processing her birth, and the guilt I feel as a result, thinking what could have happened if I'd made different choices. As well as the prospect of no more kids (I knew she was probably the last, but now that it's been decided for me, I tend to freak out that I won't be doing this again, or that again, etc, and she is growing so fast it makes me sad that I won't have a newborn again. I already miss being pregnant.) Also my relationship is a big source of frustration. After parenting the other kids all day, and giving everything I have to the baby all day, I feel like my reserves are totally on empty by the end of the day. I need adult affection and contact, I need hugs and kisses and "I love you"s and just to feel wanted and needed by someone other than an infant, you know? And I'm not getting that right now and it's really hard for me. We've only been together a year, and have been through so much, and I just wish I felt more secure, but I don't. And I burst into tears about it a million times a day, but can't bring myself to talk to him about it. I'm a terrible communicator, and stemming from my previous marriage, I don't like to bring up problems for fear he will leave. I know, it's an issue.
Basically, I am a wreck these days. I'm getting by, but I'm not sure how long before I really lose it. I don't want to go back on antidepressants while I'm nursing, I stopped taking them when I got pregnant. But I don't know if anything else is going to help.
Anyone else in the same boat?