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Frustrated with my bump today

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 

I'm hating all my clothes and not appreciating my bump today. :(


I was already a bit squishy pre-pregnancy, carrying an extra 15-20ish lbs in my butt, hips, and a little extra low belly fluff that probably made some people wonder if I was already pregnant. My belly is a bit fuller now but I think I still just look chubby, not pregnant.


I don't feel ready to 'dress pregnant' yet, probably cause I've spent a long time trying NOT to look pregnant. And I worry that once I do start showing I'm going to look three months further along than I am.


And I'm a midwife, and preach the 'love your body as it is' message to pregnant women every working day, but it is easier said than done. I wonder if this is somehow a little more (or differently) potent for me because I have an abundance of women to compare myself to, and an eye for estimating gestation based on bump size.



post #2 of 14

I dunno, I am not a mw and I have some days like that now. I didn't really "struggle" with it the first time around but it was definitely this every so often thought process of being really surprised at how my body looked.  I wasn't sure what it would look like afterward and had no idea how big my baby could possibly get.  I usually felt like my down times were around a big growth spurt and then I would settle in to the new belly for a bit.  I was hoping that this time around I would be very "I love my body, I want it to do what it needs to grow a healthy baby and that is all that matters"  It is kind of the dominant thought but there are moments where I feel like my belly button is already flattening out and that my thighs are chunking up.  I do know, however, that my body does go back to a new sort of normal after pg that is not so bad lol.  I am sorry that you are feeling this way, it might help to also think about how much the body changes in the 12 months postpartum.  I needed all the weight I gained with my first so I am trying to keep that in mind on the days that I feel like I look really pg already.  It's funny too bc then I will have a day where I feel too small and like the baby needs to grow more!  I think it is perfectly normal to have moments where you need to adjust to your pg body and then hopefully get perspective and not have it be such a dominating factor.  For me, it is a repeating process throughout pregnancy. Hugs to you mama, hope you are enjoying the bump soon!

post #3 of 14

I feel ya. I HATE this "in between" phase...where I feel/look fat instead of pregnant...my regular clothes all HURT to wear but I'm not quite the right shape for maternity yet, so  although comfy...maternity just makes me look/feel frumpy. This is my least favorite time in pregnancy. :( This too shall pass. *sigh*

post #4 of 14

i am so with you. i never got back to my pre baby size before i got preg with number 2. so i too was trying to look slimmer and now and getting chubbier. i do think about what i eat and am active with a toddler but i get pudgy with each pregnancy. its my body type, i'm very busty so i gain weight easy.

 and yes on the other hand i'm always like "did my belly grow, is the baby growing?" so stressed out

i really hope i get back into shape this next time and stay that way but man is it hard with little ones 

post #5 of 14

It will happen soon but with so many MWs, you know that!  At about 12-15 weeks I just felt fat.  Everyone who pointed it out (knowing I was pg) just upset me because I didn't think I looked pg, just fatter.  Now, just 2 weeks later, I am able to wear my maternity jeans and they don't fall off (much) and my shape is much more suggestive of baby on board.  In the meantime, I just borrowed husband's shirts and sweaters and I did the trick of wearing my regular jeans but not fastening them.  I used a hair rubber band and attached it through the button hole and then around the button itself.  It worked pretty well.

post #6 of 14

I, too, had a bit "extra" to start with- but mine was prettty localized into a little potbelly (which was pretty weird and really bothered me, because I totally would have looked pregant if I'd worn the right clothes and not sucked it in).  Now I'm almost 17 weeks, and I'll admit that I've been wearing full-out mat clothes for a few weeks now-- the newer, more fitted tops look far better on me than the flowy, tie in the back types.  I have to admit, I HATE it when people ask when I'm due, because I'm very aware that this tummy isn't 100% baby, and because I inevitably get comments about how huge I am, and how i'm going to be so uncofmrtable, etc. (granted, when I was pg with dd, I measured 48 inches around at one point, and I'm only 61 inches tall-- so I KNOW that everything is going to squish out in that tiny space between my hipbones and ribcage- it's just the way my body works).  I would totally try to find a few mat items in a style that you feel good in and ROCK IT- whether you think it's too early or not.  I felt totally flabby and lumpy before, and now that I've stopped hiding it, I feel downright gorgeous!  Everyone should feel this way-- we are amazing!


post #7 of 14


Originally Posted by lalazap View Post


And I'm a midwife, and preach the 'love your body as it is' message to pregnant women every working day, but it is easier said than done. I wonder if this is somehow a little more (or differently) potent for me because I have an abundance of women to compare myself to, and an eye for estimating gestation based on bump size.



I'm sorry you're feeling down!  hug2.gif   I'm sure it does cut you deeper (or differently) given your work.  But you know, some of us just grow bigger or faster.  And of course you know that, but it is hard to internalize, I know.  I'm trying hard to manage my weight gain because I was so uncomfortable last pg, and I really want to set myself up for a successful VBAC, but I've started gaining more quickly than I'd like to.  But what can we do?  This is how our bodies grow.  I hope you start feeling better as the next couple of weeks pass.


And April DOES sound so far off right now, but it really isn't!


post #8 of 14

I agree that you should just flaunt it. I also tend to puff around the waist, but this is one time you can feel like you look a bit pregnant for a good reason LOL


And April definitely is not far away. I was visiting a friend today who just gave birth two days ago and said I was jealous of her little one. She said it won't be long for you and I realized, if I carried this baby the same length as I did my last, I'm only a few days from the half way point!!! We'll all be there before you know it!

post #9 of 14
Thread Starter 

Aw, thanks mamas! You all are so supportive - I really appreciate your kind words. It can be so hard to internalize what we know to be true.


I've got a few weeks off right now and I'm glad I don't have to dress for work while I'm feeling this way. I'll be 19w when I head back to work so hopefully this bump will have declared itself as a baby-bump and I'll feel a little more stoked. In the meantime I'll keep my eyes open for some styles to ROCK (thanks SweetPotato, you totally made me smile with that one!) for work and play.


post #10 of 14

Feeling better yet mama?

post #11 of 14
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by justKate View Post

Feeling better yet mama?

Well, my mama came to visit a couple of weeks ago and insisted that we go maternity wardrobe shopping and insisted on buying whatever I liked ... so sweet of her. So now I have some new clothes that I feel pretty good in, which is a huge relief for going back to work this week. She loved feeling part of the pregnancy even though she lives far away, so it was a win-win.


My shape is definitely more blatantly pregnant now and I'm not feeling as self-conscious as I was. The right clothes REALLY help.


Thanks for asking! How are the rest of you ladies holding up with body image stuff?

post #12 of 14

I'm not too worried about being big, at least not internally. I am having problems with my interactions with others though. I'm so much larger than in any of my other pregnancies, that it's been really hard at times not to cry when people just look at me shocked when they find out how far along I am, or make comments. I'm trying to look at it positively since I really do like being and LOOKING pregnant, it's just the comments that make it hard. At this point I'm losing 1-2 inch per month in my hips, arms, and thighs and gaining just over 3 inches each month in my waist, so it's only becoming more and more noticeable with each passing week *sigh*.


I'm SO glad to hear you are feeling a little better though. Maternity clothes really can improve the shape and make it more clear that it's baby tummy and not fatty! And how nice of your mother to buy them for you!!!

post #13 of 14

I'm 17 1/2 weeks and feeling so uncomfortable in my body right now.


I look/feel fat. My 8 year old, who is going through that I-say-out-loud-every-thought phase keeps saying, "Mommy, don't get mad at me for being mean, but you look really fat." Thanks kid. She wants to know when I'll look pregnant rather than fat. Really, thanks kid.


My center of gravity has shifted a bit in the last week. I waddle if I don't pay attention. I am very aware of this water balloon growing in the space in the middle of me that is not me. Elevators intensify the feeling, and I feel like I am in and out of them all the time lately (can't take the stairs with a stroller or a shopping cart.) I feel the baby and water balloon in my belly floating around in that unique way when I am in a bath.


Already I have to kind of roll to the side and push my self up to get out of bed.


Bending over has become a challenging chore.


This is my 3rd pregnancy, so I know exactly how I carry a baby. All around my middle. No cute basketball belly. So I'm not super shocked at my shape, but I am surprised at how soon I'm feeling it. This baby is going to be another big strong baby.


The weird thing, I've lost 10 pounds since I became pregnant.

post #14 of 14

Due to rampant inflammation from some food intolerances, I gained 11 lbs a year for 4 years AFTER DD was born.  I spent a lot of time trying to NOT look pregnant and was often armed with a 'just in case' reply should a stranger ask when I was due ;-)  Thankfully, I dropped that weight after figuring out some of my food issues but I still had an extra 20+ lbs before DD and also before this pregnancy.  I'm 20.5 weeks now and barely showing and what actually IS baby is REALLY low and easy to disguise but it's shifting my existing extra weight up...result is I just look lumpy!  Fortunately, it's cool where I live and I love bundling up = camouflage... and I also don't have that many people outside close family that I need to interact with or discuss my pg with.


I totally agree though, some well-fitting clothes can make all the difference.  I was trying to get away without buying anything but caved and got some on sale at Old Navy recently--it's amazing how a really cute shirt that fits will help me feel better :-)


zuzu--If people are upsetting you by their reaction when you tell them how far along you are, and if they're people you don't really know or won't really keep up with, could you just tell them you're due sooner than you are?  It seems like it's not really their business anyway, or perhaps deflect their comments with humor?  To 'when are you due' perhaps "Some days I feel like I might go into labor any day!" or "Not soon enough!" or something vague?

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