reluctant hubby for baby #4

[of2mindsmama]

ladies, does anyone else have a reluctant hubby?  we have 3 gorgeous girls, and i feel so blessed and grateful.  he is tired and thinks he'd like to stop.  bean sprout mama, do you know what brought your husband around to wanting a fourth?

most days i focus on how grateful i am to have my 3.  every now and then i have a day when i am just cut down by sadness thinking i won't have another beautiful babe to hold, nurse, and cherish.  my husband feels like he'll die if we have a fourth.  he already feels stretched, even with 3.  i was hoping to have 5 or even 6!

SIGH

we've agreed to table the discussion until the spring.  he recently expressed the possibility that he might feel differently when our youngest, now 2, is more self-reliant and not either trying to nurse all evening or needing him to distract her.  

so that's where we are.  

would love to hear your collective wisdom... 

thanks ladies!

[dreamingtree]

Well, I think he's certainly more reluctant than me and I bet by the time I want #4 he will not share my enthusiasm, haha. But we only have one baby right now (almost 16 months) .... so I can't completely relate with you. But I can sympathize! 

[Cativari]

I guess I can relate too.  I'm in a bit of a different situation as Alice was our fourth (complete suprise, we thought we were done with our 3rd) and was to be our last.  Both of us had said so and while pregnant I thought I was done.  Since she was stillborn it turned everything on it's head.  I went from definatly being done to maybe over a few weeks (the first few weeks I went back and forth between I NEED another baby to NEVER again).  Now that the pregnancy hormones are settling I'm not sure I"d love another but I'm not sure I'd be able to do it and money wise we aren't bad but not great either.  My DH is still leaning towards being done  but is open to one more. If he totally said done I'd be heartbroken.  But I do want this to be a joint thing, I don't just want to get my way, ya know.  But I do know where you're coming from.

[Imakcerka]

First, I'm sorry Cativari.  I hope you can heal, my heart breaks for you.

OP, DH and I are in the same boat.  Ok with number 3 not number 4.  We had 3 misses this year and felt like we couldn't handle anymore.  I thought I was over it all and done.  Then I realized I'm not!  DH keeps reminding me that since he's staying home he feels like he should have a little more say.  I'm inclined to ignore him because thats what I do when I don't like your answer but I do realize I have to put his wants in needs up on my priority list.  Blah! 

[Peony]

DH was very reluctant for #4. He felt overwhelmed with our 3 that we had. I still felt like one child was missing for me. We were at a standstill, whose wants/needs were more important? We were at the point where we were going to put the issue aside and revisit later. Our youngest was 18 months, my oldest was 7.5, I was getting to the point where I didn't want to do this forever! Anyway, it was getting to where we were discussing constantly and then I found out it was pg. It was one of those meant to be babies, I have never been fertile during that time, no signs at all. DH's resistance to another child didn't magically go away with the news or even with the birth of DS2. It has been a very slow, painful process. Hindsight is 20/20. I didn't do this on purpose, but I do wish we could of been on the same page at the same time.