Mom of a skinny 1 yo wants to know if anyone regrets BLW?

[maba]

*WARNING: Long post ahead with incoherent thoughts*

I started BLW with my 13 mo when he was 8 mo, just when he was able to sit up on is own w/o support. But he never showed any interest, he would't put even his toys in his mouth! He is a happy and super-active baby. When he was 11mo, we visited India to spend time with family for 2.5 months (we'll be returning to the US in 3 weeks). Granparents freaked out that baby was still exclusively BFed and was not eating solids. Much against my wishes and at their insistence, I tried offering him purees which he totally resisted but about 3 days before his first birthday, he took a few bites from a banana when I held it in front of him. Fast-forward 1 month, baby eats some fruit but nothing else (which I think is fine as I still BF him on demand). But grandparents (GPs) feel what he eats is not enough as he's skinny. At 13mo, he weighs about 18 lbs but is super-active and reaching his milestones. He cruises like a pro and has been taking 8-10 steps w/o support. GPs think he is not walking yet because he doesn't get enough nutrition. I know each baby is different and their schedules are different. Pediatricians, both in the US and india, assure me he was doing fine and I'm doing a good job. But due to pressure from GPs, meal-times have become very stressful and I've kind of internalized what they tell me although I know my baby is just fine. I still want to continue with BLW when I return. BTw, I hold him on my hips now and hand feed him as is the norm in India.

GTG, will continue later. anyone regret BLW?

[LynnS6]

I think you need to understand the cultural context the GP are coming from -- they may well be  used to the idea that "skinny babies" = "sickly babies" (and maybe even = "poor families").

I did a combo of letting ds eat and feeding him purees. Guess what? He barely hit 20 lbs. by his first birthday (but was in the 95 percentile for height). Fast forward 10 years: He's still in the 95th percentile for height. He's in the 50th percentile for weight. He wears size 12 slim pants with adjustable waists pulled in. Regular size 12 slims are too big, and he refuses to wear a belt. Actually he's getting close to needing a size 14 slim, but I'm not sure I can get the waist small enough for him, even if it's adjustable.

I did BLW with dd. She's built like a linebacker. She's always been in the 85th percentile for height and the 90-95th for height, i.e. she borders on being a bit overweight. She actually eats more healthily than her brother (much more of a mix of fruit, protein, etc. Her brother is a carbs guy.)

What I'm saying is that a lot of this is genetics. My skinny guy was skinny when we started solids. He's skinny today. My sturdy child was sturdy as a baby and is still sturdy today. She's gonna be a great swimmer, a great modern dancer, not so much a ballerina.

I don't regret doing BLW with dd at all, because I think she eats more healthily because of it. If your baby is healthy, developing well and happy, then smile and nod when the grandparents talk about him being too thin. Your breastmilk has more calories and denser nutrition than many other foods.

[maba]

I'm sorry I had to end the post abruptly due to power outage and UPS running low on power.

LynnS6, you hit the nail on the head with your first sentence. A lot of it is cultural and yes, they keep saying he looks like he's from a "poor family". If he grows up to be a thin, lanky boy, I know they'll keep reminding me that he's thin because I failed to provide him with proper nutrition when he needed it the most. Also, I was a plump baby and obese growing up, so it's hard for them to imagine that my boy is skinny.

Also, we eat primal/paleo-ish at home in the US, something I can never get GPs to understand. Traditional first-foods in India are grain-based and I'm ok with baby having rice, but not gluten. So when I refuse to give him biscuits (Indian-English for cookies), they think I'm putting him on a diet. Paleo or not, I don't think cookies should be a child's first food! And it's hard for me to explain to them that banana, which he prefers to rice-cakes, is actually more nutrient dense than the latter!

I never once compared him with other babies when I was in the US but now because of GPs constantly reminding me how thin he is, I can't help noticing how tiny and skinny he is compared to most babies his age :(

He was 6 lbs 14 oz when he was born and has always been in the 12-15th %ile for weight and height and mid 50's for head circumference, according to CDC charts. At his 9 mo check up, he was in the 5th %ile for weight and height. I'm sure he's off the charts now but his weight is at 3rd %ile according WHO charts and his head circumference is still in the mid 50s. We couldn't get his height taken as he wouldn't stay still when we visited a ped in India.

Sorry for rambling. All I want to know is, is my child's growth pattern fine and is there anything I can do differently to ensure he grows healthy?

Edited by maba - 10/25/11 at 9:32pm

[Megan73]

If you're nursing on demand and offering a variety of nutrient-rich foods I wouldn't worry too much.
I think BLW is great but I've noticed IRL that both BLW and spoonfeeding moms seem to only offer fruit and veg - don't get me wrong, banana, sweet potato, avocado are great foods - instead of a variety of foods with iron, protein and good fats.
At 13 months, your babe likely has a well developed pincer grip. If I were you, I'd just keep nursing on demand and putting small pieces of variety of foods in front of him. Most typically-developing kids will eat what they need. At that age, my older son (who'd mostly been BLW'd) liked feeding himself clumps of rice, kidney beans and chickpeas, soft-cooked meat, fish and chicken, cheese etc.

[Adaline'sMama]

Wow, are you serious that he was 16 lbs 14 oz when he was born? That is the biggest baby Ive ever heard of...was it a typo?

I want to let you know that it sounds like your baby is just fine. I have a skinny baby too, and there are a lot of moms here who do. My DD has been in the 5th percentile for months, in both height and weight. Your baby IS walking! He takes 8-10 steps? Thats walking for a 13 month old.

At 19 months, I have a 21 lb, 29'' little girl who walks and talks like nobodys business. I dont regret BLW at all and plan to do it again. I hope these next three weeks are easier for you

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1289635/skinny-babies-tribe
This is getting pretty long, and I guess its time to start a Social Group for it, but for now please read this thread and ease your mind a little

[blue butterfly]

dd is 13 months, 18lbs and 28 in.  She eats a ton and is still nursing.  She's just skinny, there is no way this tiny girl could eat more than she already does.    Your lo sounds perfectly healthy, mama!

[dejagerw]

With both DS1 and DS2 we did BLW. Both of them were in the 95 percentile for weight. I don't think BLW is what makes a skinny baby. I'm sure the baby would have likely been skinny being spoon fed as well.

[maba]

Adaline's Mama, typo indeed, corrected it :) 

Megan73, totally agree with you! And add to it the cultural norms of making sure the baby eats rice before offering meat, it becomes difficult to offer them a variety. Once I go back to the US, I'm going to offer him whatever we eat. It's kind of hard to convince GPs here and it's their house, so there is only so much I can do. We don't have a high-chair here, so if I try BLW with him here, there's a trail of food in every room LOL, so for now, I do what moms here do - hold DS in my hip and hand-feed him.

Thank you everyone for the assurance.

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by maba 

>Adaline's Mama, typo indeed, corrected it :) 

Megan73, totally agree with you! And add to it the cultural norms of making sure the baby eats rice before offering meat, it becomes difficult to offer them a variety. Once I go back to the US, I'm going to offer him whatever we eat. It's kind of hard to convince GPs here and it's their house, so there is only so much I can do. We don't have a high-chair here, so if I try BLW with him here, there's a trail of food in every room LOL, so for now, I do what moms here do - hold DS in my hip and hand-feed him.

Thank you everyone for the assurance.

whew, I was actually hurting FOR you if you had to birth a child that big

[illiterati]

Just to add a data point, my 9 month old has the exact relationship to food as your ds (very reluctant) and he weighs in at a porky 23 lbs :)  We want to BLW but with him turning his nose up at everything it means he's EBF still too. All that just to echo that being thin or thick probably has nothing to do with eating habits at this point.

[LionessMom]

just to offer another view point. my dd1 was fed baby food. purees cereals. etc. she has fructose intolerance and could not handle the fruits and veggies or the sugars from the juice. she is very skinny and it made her malabsorb even the nutrients from the breastmilk. the rice was better for her than the fruit. we did not find out about this until she was 3 and no one could tell me why she looked unhealthy. her belly was always bloated and she had very little fat and very little muscle. her best foods are meat, potatoes, grains, and dairy. with dd2 i already suspected she was like her sister. she would get the dark circles under her eyes when i gave her fruit. so right off the bat i did  not buy baby food, i just let her eat what she wanted. she grew way better than dd1 did and looks way healthier. but it is bc i did not offer her fruit or sugar. her first foods were nice soft hunks of steak and burger. homemade french fries. chicken chunks. herbal teas. cheese chunks. crackers. no fruit, no sugar, no high fructose corn syrup. lots of good fats and frequent carbs. DD1 is 34 lb at 4.5 years and dd2 is 24 lbs at 2 years. the thing about baby led weaning that i couldnt do is to offer them everything. a big symptom of fructose malabsorption is craving fruit and sugar. 

if your child is thin, ask yourself this.... is there enough fat on his face, specifically at the temple? are the butt cheeks rounded, like they should be, or flat? Can you see rounded muscles on the biceps and thighs? are there dark circles under the eyes? if everything looks fine, then his diet is fine. oh, and 85% of people have problems with fructose.

[maba]

I'm getting really worried now because parents keep telling me DS is undernourished and people who see him tell me he looks like an 8 mo!!! He's active, is walking and repeats sounds and when I ask him what his name is, says his name, identifies a few objects.

if your child is thin, ask yourself this.... is there enough fat on his face, specifically at the temple? are the butt cheeks rounded, like they should be, or flat? Can you see rounded muscles on the biceps and thighs? are there dark circles under the eyes? if everything looks fine, then his diet is fine. oh, and 85% of people have problems with fructose.

He has a biggish head and looks chubby, but has a skinny body, with skinny arms and legs. He has skinfolds behind his knees even though he's skinny. His ribs show when he bends. No dark circles, good skin tone.

But he looks really tiny compared to other babies his age. I didn't worry so much when I was in the US as American babies, due to their race/genetics tend to bigger than Indian babies. But he's smaller than Indian babies too and that worries me.

Another question:

What is the deal with cow's milk??? Do breastfed babies need to be supplemented with cow's milk? Parents say DS NEEDS cow's milk. I don't think I have any issues with my supply and baby is content after a feed. I don't see how milk of another species is better than milk of the same species. That said, I have nothing against dairy. Infact, I've been trying to get my baby to eat yoghurt.

[Just1More]

Hmmm, I have more antedoctal evidence to offer.  Dd1 didn't have any solids at all until 1, and then slowly from there.  She weighed about 20 lbs at 12moths.  And hardly gained at all until 2, though she ate like a horse.  (She could, at 17 months, eat 2 plates of adult size portions of spaghetti.)  Dd3 started feeding herself stuff from the floor under the other kids' chairs at 7 months, so we slowly started letting her have things since she was so obsessive about it.  By 1 yo, she eats absolutely everything, and lots of it, and still nurses every other hour around the clock.  And weighs 20lbs. 

I agree with pp...as long as he looks healthy, don't worry about it. 

[LionessMom]

Originally Posted by maba 

I'm getting really worried now because parents keep telling me DS is undernourished and people who see him tell me he looks like an 8 mo!!! He's active, is walking and repeats sounds and when I ask him what his name is, says his name, identifies a few objects.

He has a biggish head and looks chubby, but has a skinny body, with skinny arms and legs. He has skinfolds behind his knees even though he's skinny. His ribs show when he bends. No dark circles, good skin tone.

But he looks really tiny compared to other babies his age. I didn't worry so much when I was in the US as American babies, due to their race/genetics tend to bigger than Indian babies. But he's smaller than Indian babies too and that worries me.

Another question:

What is the deal with cow's milk??? Do breastfed babies need to be supplemented with cow's milk? Parents say DS NEEDS cow's milk. I don't think I have any issues with my supply and baby is content after a feed. I don't see how milk of another species is better than milk of the same species. That said, I have nothing against dairy. Infact, I've been trying to get my baby to eat yoghurt.

people are hung up on cows milk. :shrug: i get it too. 

DD1's head was alot larger than her body. looked out of place really. google malnutrition. research it. that way you can look at your baby with knowing eyes. that will make you feel better. there is alot of info out there on malnutrition and kids. iit will make you feel better to know that everybody is wrong.  or if you do see some malnutrition signs, you can go from there and figure out which foods are causing the malabsorption. seriously, they only way to make yourself feel better and not worry is to do some research. there is one article in particular that i read that specifically talks about where the fat pads should be and how thick they should be to guage your childs health. i wish i would have saved it.

[maself]

Cow's milk is a lot harder to digest than breastmilk!  Goat's milk is another alternative that is more easily assimilated.  In the past, I always struggled to make my kids drink cow's milk b/c I thought that was the right thing to do.  This time, I haven't given my 19 mos old any cow's milk at all or any milk substitutes. - I still breastfeed him on demand.-  (I found out that I'm actually allergic to cow dairy and so are my kids so we are (cow) dairy free.)  One day a couple of weeks ago, my 19 mos grabbed my glass of goat milk and drank it up and wanted more.  I was in shock,  remembering how hard I had pushed cow's milk on my other (five) and had such difficulty getting them to like it.  In my opinion, milk is optional and my kids are healthier, not malnutritioned when they don't drink it.  Be confident that you are giving your son the best nutrition and he won't starve himself.  The GPs may not understand all the things that you are doing for him and that shouldn't make you doubt your ability to feed him well. Your baby has growing spurts and may eat more one day than another and that's ok too.  If he is as active as you say, then he sounds FINE. :)

[craft_media_hero]

Hey, just to make you feel better, our blw timeline and weight gain are very similar to yours, and now at 2, my little guy is finally chunking up a lot!

We intro'd solids at abt 7/8 mo as he showed interest, got the pincher grip and teeth (he had been sitting up for a while). We offered what we ate, which is mostly organic traditional-heavily paeo. He pretty much just played and tasted til 10 mo, then started eating a bit, gradually increasing after he hit a year. His poo didn't change from bf poo to stinky tot poo until he was about 18 months.

At 18 mo, he discovered the house raw milk and began demanding it! So I gave it to him as he asked for it. About 4 oz a day starting at 18 mo gradually increasing to 8-16 oz now (at 2). 18 mo is when he really started packing in the food at meals and actually eating two mini-meals to one of our regular meals.

Up until now, he has been very thin and long, "lanky" but strong, healthy, good color, smart, and active. He was in no way pushed to walk and decided he could do it at 15 mo and mastered it over a few days time.

18 mo is also when I became pregnant but didn't notice a change in supply until a few months later (it has definitely diminished a good bit in the last few weeks or so and he has diminished his interest in nursing down to 2-4x/day).

He has been able to nurse at will since birth and is definitely b aby l ed weaning! He nursed about every 90 minutes or even less until the 18 mo mark when he began to slowly space it out until now where I wonder if he will wean before baby joins us in 6 mo or so. At just barely 2 now, I havent weighed him, but can visually see he is a lot chunkier, thicker arms and legs, chubbier cheeks, no rolls but he just is filling out a lot more all over.

From where I'm sitting, you and your baby are having a pretty normal experience! Try not to let your ILs get to you or cause you to doubt trusting your body and your son's own wisdom to know what he needs! Your son is going to love food! I am glad you are sticking to your guns on no cookies, good for you! I am pretty lax and let ds eat whatever when we are out with others but stick pretty solidly to tf/paleo at home. Fruit is a much better snack than cookie!

[CA Country Girl]

My DD1 was below 5% weight for a really long time.  We could not get her to hit 20 pounds until like 18 months old.  She was crazy with boredom before we were able to turn her car seat forward facing (due to the weight restriction).  She always looked small compared to other babies, but she was healthy and active so I did not worry too much (even though even strangers would comment on how small she was).  Her pediatrician told us to drizzle avocado oil and other healthy oils on her food.  Now, at 6, she just hit 40 pounds.  She is still skinny, but she is tall and no longer looks younger than other kids.  Actually, sometimes people think she is older because of her lack of baby fat.  Hubby and I were both skinny kids- I think it is genetics.  It is really hard to deal with generational differences in beliefs about child rearing even without the cultural differences.  I had to brace myself for family comments and criticism for nursing on demand, especially when she was a toddler (we weaned gradually and she stopped at about 2.5).  I know that I will have to face similar comments with DD2.

[Choose2Reuse]

Hi, it sounds to me like your baby is pretty healthy, especially if the pediatricians think so.  My in-laws are Indian and I think a lot of this is cultural...they also say our DD is too skinny and want to feed her biscuits, shira, ghee, all sorts of totally nutrition-less sugary stuff, and think I'm crazy when I insist that that stuff is for special occasions only.  (My DD is 11 months old and was 18.5 lbs at her 9 months checkup, super healthy and active.)  On the other hand, I think if it were my kiddo I'd be trying to get him to eat something other than fruit, because I'd want to get some different nutrients into him--veggies at least if nothing else, or some protein- or iron-rich foods.

As far as the food stuff goes, DD only got interested in foods in the last couple of weeks.  We'd been offering her stuff since 7.5 months and she'd eat a little bit, but not much till now.  We did BLW for a while but she really preferred to be fed by hand, so that's what we do now--I give her spoonfuls out of my bowl if the food is soupy, or little fingerfuls of mushy food.  The first thing she was really interested in was soups and stews that I'd made--they're cooked long enough that little bits of veggies and meat are suspended in the broth, so I'd feed her spoonfuls of that cloudy broth, and I'd eat the solid parts.

You could try telling your in-laws that you want to feed your kidlet balanced nutrition, then feed him little tiny bits of polli soaked in watery dal, spoonfuls of dal, and bits of mushy vegetable curries (my DD is fond of cabbage and of green beans).  That went over really well with my MIL ("complete Indian meal!"), who otherwise is kind of sulky that I won't let her feed my kid sugary stuff and fruit and yogurt at every meal, and that I don't badger her to eat everything set in front of her.  Also she's happy that she can cook the food and be proud that the baby likes it. :)

For my DD, I have to offer anything other than fruit or yogurt first, with those two things as dessert, or she will only eat fruit and yogurt.  Also, she really likes eating what I'm eating, at the same time.  I let her crawl around and play a little during the meal, and offer her bites off my plate. 
 

[Hymanroth]

For what it's worth, my son is going on 14 months and is bf on demand for primary nutrition. He's interested in foods but not to actuall eat them

He has always been chubby though. It follows suit to how my husband and I were as babies. It's mostly genetic.

My Sil has the skinniest babies and they are not bf and are fed purées and solids really early.

Just do what's best for your baby by following your instincts. Don't give in. You know what's best.

[threenorns]

i haven't read all the posts but i'll tell you about my three:

oldest daughter, now 26:  8lb 14oz when she was born, EBF for 4mo and swelling like a mosquito on a firehose until 4mo when the dr told me to start her on solids.  she HATED it - just HATED it.  from that point on, her weight gain was minimal to nill - she was 16lbs at 1yr, 18lb at 18mo, and 3yrs old before she tripled her birthweight.  the entire time she lived with me until she left home to get married at 17, she would go literally days without eating.  when she got married, she was 5'5" and 83lbs - have you any clue how much fun it is to find an off-the-rack wedding dress in a size MINUS two?  (hint:  it's not).  she doubled her birthweight after she got married but now ranges from size 5 to size 7 at five-seven (she also grew a couple inches when her weight went up).

second daughter, now 23:  induced at 36wks weighing 8lb 3oz.  EBF for 2mo but bec of explosive bright green diarrhea, i was told she was allergic to breast milk and had to put her on formula.  tried everything on the market, eventually ended up with home-made carnation milk and corn syrup with a lot of expensive vitamin/mineral supplements.  she was overweight until she was 21yrs old, when she shed 80lbs in 3 months through strenuous exercise.  she's now a size 7 at 145lbs.

third daughter, now 5-1/2:  induced at 39wks bec she was failing (biophysical profile plummeting like rock), weighed 7lb 10oz (dr heard the weight - which the nurses would yell out from the hallway like some kind of superbowl score - and asked "where's the rest of her!?  is there a twin!?" which of course is not something you want to hear through a trauma-addled haze).  at 24hrs, she weighed 6lb 4oz - she couldn't nurse more than 30 - 60 sec before she fell asleep.  she was 5 days old before the hospital released us and then only bec we had biweekly visits from the public health nurse.  she tripled her birthweight before she started herself on solids at 5-1/2mo:  we were at a chinese buffet and the waiter moved a plate of orange mousse cake a bit too close while he was clearing. next thing we know, she's both-elbows-deep in the cake and double-fist-cramming it into her mouth as fast as she could.  i tried to take the plate and she *growled* at me - sounded just like an angry kitten.  

"well," i said hesitantly, "i guess she's on solids now!"  so we swapped the cake out for shaved melon.  the restaurant manager, old-skool chinese guy, was so honoured she started food at his restaurant, we got the meal for free (the waiter actually cheered when we told him what was going on and that's what got the manager's attention).

at 1yr old, she was 32lbs and at 20mo, she weighed 50.  since then, she's hovered betw 50 and 54lbs and has worn the exact same clothing (size 6x).  had i known i'd get this kind of longevity, i'da bought her dolce and gabbana!  she's only just now getting into an 8 because the pants are starting to "flood" but i need to nip in the waist a little bit or they slide down her butt.

as for my two oldest, you can't look at the two of them and tell who was breastfed longest, who was toilet-trained first, who walked earlier, whose teeth came in first, who talked first, who slept through the night first, or who started solids first.