We have two perfect kids...a kind and helpful, funny three year old lady child and a two in a couple of weeks, rambunctious little bear cub of a wild boy child. They are both healthy and sweet and awesome. They are 16 months apart and incredibly good friends. Things were just getting easy for us. My son just stopped nursing after two very challenging years and we were beginning to settle into the "next phase".
Then I found out I'm pregnant and due on my DDs birthday, June 3rd. I'm still struggling to wrap my head around this. For my husband, this is terrible news. Probably the worst news I could give him right now. I won't even tell you ladies what he said to me, what he asked me to do in his shock, upon just finding out. I was very hurt. He apologized profusely and he's changed his tune considerably and last night he even suggested we pick up a cool high chair that can be used at the table for the baby so we can all eat together. It was used, for a really good deal, and we grabbed it. "We'll need this for the baby", he said.
He's still really bummed out. I'm overwhelmed but gaining control of my fears about this by problem solving, planning and trying to connect to my squiggly little shrimpykin in there. It's hard for me to see him struggle so hard to accept this news, because I know that even though things really are PERFECT right now, we're never going to wish we hadn't had this child after s/he comes! We will be a new kind of perfect and everything will be okay. I understand his concerns and I know that, largely, his disappointment lies in the fact that he didn't even really want two kids. One would have been fine for him. So three feels like a football team to him.
OP, be easy on him. I think it's different for him. I think that mothers and fathers both strive for and stress over the quality of life they are providing for their kids. But I think mothers tend to think more along the lines of "This will be fine, I still have great clothes from when xyz was a baby and we'll make room" and we visualize nursing, loving, wearing and getting to know this child and we see a good quality of life. I think sometimes Dadas can get stuck on a different kind of "Quality" - and "more people" feels like it should equate to more money, more space, more time, etc...I think the disappointment and even emotional lashing out that some of us see, when we're telling our DHs about a new baby coming, is really a manifestation of the pressure they feel/perceive and/or put on themselves. I know my DH seems concerned that, because we're not well-off, people will think we're irresponsible for having three kids. It's irrational to me, but it's super freakin' real to him. He feels responsible for maintaining financial stability and things were feeling really easy for a while there.
He will warm up and, especially after the baby comes, will be okay. As he gets to know our new one, the same thing that happened with our first two will happen again. He will fall in love and be an awesome dad. Hang in, OP, it'll get better, you know it!