Yes, I'm pretty confused. :-/ I asked what her bridesmaid is going to do with her baby during the wedding. Hopefully it'll make her think a little more. I have no troubles with kidless weddings (I had one), but I also don't equate newborn to kid.
Chat thread Oct 24-31 - Page 3
Rosie, that does suck. I probably wouldn't be going under those circumstances--the bridesmaid will probably leave her baby with a nearby family member with bottles. I guess that's what people do...I guess.
In June, I went to my cousin's kid-free wedding in NY. DH couldn't come, because he had just started a new job, and my parents were going, so there was no one to leave DD with. So I took her. Basically when the RSVP came, I wrote 2--my name and DD's name (she was 2.5 at the time). I figured that since my cousin's nephews (4 years old and 3 months old) were going, it wasn't really kid-free. And it turns out it was fine. It is frustrating though. And stressful. I think I would save the date and then wait and see what happens with the bridesmaid before making firm plans. She might decide that she doesn't want to leave her baby either.
Rosie--I'm going to be the Matron of Honor in my best friend's wedding a month after my due date (insane I know). But I am bringing both the new baby and my DSS to the wedding (DH and my mother will be there for the festivities and help). The only thing I encountered was when she asked tonight why I would bring the baby to the bachelorette party. It's an overnight thing and my mother is coming with me. The baby will be either in the hotel room with my mom or at my aunt and uncle's house until we are done. I will of course be the designated driver and just make sure everyone has fun for the couple of hours we are out. I could not believe that she expected me to separate myself from my newborn for a whole night when he or she will be only a month old and I plan on breastfeeding as well. I don't equate newborn to a kid either. I don't understand why some people do. I don't plan on being more than a quick trip to the supermarket away from my newborn until the fall semester starts anyway.
Rosie - I've encountered a few of those "kid free" situations. At one wedding we were told by the bride and groom that we should have brought our baby. I wish that I would have known but he was almost a year at the time so it was okay to leave him for a couple of hours with my sister. Then at another wedding I went with my newborn and DH stayed home with a kiddo. At other times we've declined.
I admit, kid free stuff irritates the heck out of me. Probably because we encounter it way too often in my opinion. I just wish that people would give parents the option. I realize that money can be an issue but honestly, a few kids doesn't affect a dinner bill that much. I would know, we had well over 50 children at our wedding!
I think that I finally gained 2-3 lbs! My chest is finally starting get bigger again too. I'll probably be complaining in a couple of months.
I have another appt on Wednesday. I am anxious to hear the HB again for more reassurance that everything is okay. I don't know why I am so on edge with this pregnancy. Maybe because we've already had 3 healthy babies and I'm a "what if" thinker.
I've taken to applying an ice pack to my head when a headache starts. It seems to be doing the trick. The tylenol and coffee wasn't working anymore.
I hope that all is well with everyone else!
I tried to comb my brain yesterday to figure out if there were any newborns around the time of our wedding, and there weren't. Closest was a 1 year old. I am pretty sure I didn't think about it too much, which kind of leads me to believe that before you think about caring for a newborn, you may have no picture or idea that newborn-mama separation is kind of a big deal. Plenty of the population still have no concept of breastfeeding as a norm, so why would it enter their consciousness that it might be a problem to leave baby with someone for a night? I'm guessing this is the case with cuz. She's quite young and far from thinking about kids.
Adoremybabe - We had a real tough one at our wedding. DH has a HUGE family. Out venue was incredible, but it only had capacity for a fixed number of people under the fire code. We had to not invite a large swatch of people we should have invited. So it wasn't a money thing for us, it was more of a person swap thing, and it's why we had a kidless wedding. Each 4-12 year old would have meant taking away an adult. If we did it all over again, I'd have to find a bigger location. Congrats on the 2-3 pounds! I'm constantly amazed at hoe different all of our bodies can handle our pregnancies, and yet we'll all have our little healthy babies in the end. It's pretty cool.
cseky - I'm with you. As I wrote above, I think some people just don't "get" why separating a newborn from a mama can be a big deal. I have a friend who formula fed from the beginning and still doesn't see what the big deal is. :-/ Good luck with the wedding and newborn! Sounds like you have good support. :)
I've never been to a childless wedding, but I always thought the premise was to avoid kids' crying or loud talking during the ceremony, and so the adults could cut loose at the open bar w/out having to worry about Junior seeing them drunk. I'd never thought about it being a numbers game, but that makes sense, too.
Hope everyone has a good day! Happy Halloween!
As a former wedding planner the concept of kid free weddings largely annoys me. Yes, I get some people want a fancy party, but I really believe weddings should be a family affair. It does seem that most of the impetus behind childfree weddings is that there's a lot of rhetoric about how kids are loud, annoying, and messy, and unfortunately little about the needs of a newborn and the newborn mother (as a LLL Leader I can totally attest to this). I suspect that this person doesn't really get the kid thing, and if you talk to her she'll change her tune.
That said, I also really think no one should have a child under 4 in the wedding party (unless it's the child of the bride or groom). I've seen that end with tears and fits too many times. 9 times out of 10 a young child can't walk down the aisle with people staring at them without freaking out or without having a parent hold their hand the entire time. If it works, it's cute, but it almost never works. Heck, we had a hard time getting our 7 year old flower girl to focus!
I seem to have hit a resurgence of morning sickness. It's still so much easier than last time, but man, morning sickness round 3 sucks. Also my mood issues have come back unfortunately. I had some pretty serious depression off and on in the first trimester which went away, but showed up again this weekend. DH isn't dealing with it well either, and we got into a big fight over it the other day.
Long story short, DH hates boys names and refuses to talk about them unless it's absolutely necessary. I figured he was doing this just to annoy me (I love talking names) and told him as much. Specifically, that there were many times when an important but frivolous conversation would have helped my mood greatly, but he refused just to screw with me. He got really offended by that and it turns out he finds the idea of naming a boy really upsetting because boy names suck (I largely agree...so many of the good ones have been taken by girls; Ashley for instance) and it doesn't help that we have some serious restrictions on them. So cue giant fight over this, and now I'm dreading the ultrasound this week because if it's a boy it's going to be hard for awhile.
I want to make it clear, we have no problem with raising a boy, just naming him. I'd be perfectly happy having a boy, as would DH.
Anyways, DH claims that he'll jump right into naming the hypothetical boy (hypothetical girl is already named) and we'll probably have a name picked out in a few days. I hope that's true, but he's notorious for putting off conversations as long as possible.
Wow Ashley, I thought for sure I was the only former wedding planner in the group. I agree with the annoyance at child free weddings. In my mind the point to a wedding is a union which will most likely end in children (the family unit being the focus of marriage even if it remains just the two of them). How can we celebrate family while excluding anyone with family (or forcing them to exclude half of their own family)...the notion seems oxymoronic to me, but maybe it's just me. I agree that most people which declare their wedding as child free have just not taken the time to think about the realities of their choices (and the implications of the symbolism), but also have not thought of how this will affect them when they're invited to similar events in the future when their children are the ones in question. I realize there are some extenuating circumstances which require it, but when it's for comfort or convenience I don't get it.