DS is 24 mths.
He has nursed on demand his entire life, slept with me every night since he was born and the midwife placed him in my arms, I am a SAHM and he is with me all day every day....He has always been a voracious nurser, especially overnight and I have done everything I can think of to meet his intense need to nurse.
Until recently, like a week or so?
It feels like a switch has been tripped and I don't know what to do.
Lately, usually at night when he gets "chewy" in his latch, or his hands are moving whisper soft up my arm, pinching, twiddling etc I NEED TO STOP NURSING HIM. I unlatch him and tell him "mommy needs a break please" and sit up. Most nights I stay seated and wait for him to fall asleep. It can take 30-60 min. I KNOW he wants to keep nursing, even though he isn't crying for it. (Last night he DID cry a little for maybe ten 45 second bursts and I didn't want to nurse him, even when he cried --what is happening to me?....) But for some reason I can't nurse through it. The thought of it makes my skin crawl. And when I try to soldier thru and BF--I get angry. Like, really really angry. And his persistent twiddles and mouth feel like torture. And I can't do it. I have to unlatch him, and sometimes I am not as gentle as I want to be with my movements or words....and I just feel horrible. Sometimes I do the same thing in the middle of the night. I can't explain it well. DS isn't really crying, but I know he wants to nurse, but I say "can we try something else?" and hug and kiss and rub his back, or let him roll (often he is complaining, often he wakes all the way up....:( but still I do not nurse, because the thought makes me soooo uncomfortable that I would rather he roll around and kick me for 30 min until he falls asleep than nurse )
Also, I know he is getting a molar --and in the past, that knowledge has given me calm loving patience....like, "He really needs this nursing now" and the all night nursing (every 30 min? sure!) is fine with me. But this time? It's awful, because its not making me offer my breast...not only that, but the negative feeling I have from nighttime is spilling over! This morning he wanted to nurse and when he latched on my shoulders shot to my ears, I was so tense and again --angry. WTF!?
Please don't flame me. I am beating myself up hard enough....I do not know what is going on. I am NOT pregnant. I'm crying as I type this. I don't want to hate nursing. I don't know what to do!
I should add --up until about a few weeks ago there was no way on earth DS could/would fall asleep without nursing....so maybe that's when things started to change? He even went one night sleeping from 9pm-3am and then nursed a little and slept til 630 (about 2 weeks ago) Until that night he had nursed every two hours (on a good night)