Where to begin.......
Example 1: Let me preface this by saying, that at this point I am feeling like DH just isn't as supportive as I would like but I need to gain some perspective or need a reality check from someone else (ie am I really being too sensitive or am I justified in my feelings?)
This past week I started Bradley Method classes, and because my husband is military and we are currently living about 3.5 hours apart (we have some extenuating circumstances). I went by myself, happy to do so because our situation isn't new and I'm used to it. It was hard though, being alone with all the other husbands there. I did talk to the instructor and she was very understanding and welcoming to the fact that DH couldn't be there. She did ask if he would be able to make any classes, and I'm thinking to myself that surely DH would take the time off to make at least 2 or 3 of the 12 classes(they are on Thursday evenings).....so I call my DH up and listen to him talk about his day and was starting to get frustrated that he still hadn't asked me how the class was. Anyway, I ask him it would be possible for him to take off to come to a few classes and give him all the details and tell him I will give him plenty of warning to which classes I would like him to attend (he is the kind of guy who needs lots of warning; read: not spontaneous at all, very pragmatic). His reaction was the most disappointing thing ever....he was noticeably put off. So, I hung up on him and cried a lot.
He then later wanted to know why I hadn't chosen a class closer to him, because he found one on Sunday evenings (it had started in September so this really wasn't an option, but he didn't bother to check the dates). That would mean committing myself (the pregnant lady) to driving at least 3 extra hours in addition to driving to see him, for 12 weeks straight. It just seemed so self-centered to me. I responded by telling him that just wasn't reasonable, and I wasn't even asking him to come to all 12 classes.
He later apologized and said he would work it out with his schedule (this part I am happy about it) because it was so important to me....which made me cringe even more...its like he doesn't get it at all! This isn't about ME, its about US! Shouldn't it be important to him too?!?!?!?!?!
Example 2: I am going to visit my best friend this weekend, and we are going to a halloween party(this is also the same town where his sister and her family live). I asked my husband a month ago if that would be ok, I didn't expect him to make the drive....he said sure, that he would go on a necessary work task (he's a pilot). I then ask him if it would be possible for him to fly to where I am going. He said he would talk to his flying partner, and so a week later he is good to meet us Saturday and will be hanging out with my best friend's family and myself and also meet up with my brother and his gf that night. So yesterday I find out that his twin brother is also going to be in town....ok great, except this halloween party really isn't his scene.
I call him to discuss sleeping arrangements, and he says his sister has generously offered to let us sleep there (me, him and his flying partner), to which I remind him there is a big group of us (6 total) and that won't work. I also tell him that I will pick him up from the airport and bring him back to my bff's house, which he doesn't seem that jazzed about. So, I just tell him that his brother can pick him up and we'll meet up later (this isn't really what I want).
I tell him that the whole situation doesn't feel right, that my bff has mentioned several times that she hasn't seem him since NYE last year...and he responds that he chooses him family over her (which means me too, at least how I see it). Plus, it doesn't feel good to meet up with my husband for just a few hours instead of spending our time together. So, I'm crying to myself at this point....and I text him that he is no longer obligated to spend any time with me or my friends. I'm not trying to be dramatic, I'm genuinely upset.
SO.....can someone give me some perspective. And thank you to whomever has read this! I realize I'm too "detail-y"....