How Family Can Help After Birth « Back to Group Discussions

[Code Name Mama]

I have several family members who want to come stay a few days (um, hopefully in rotation) to help after baby arrives and Tom goes back to work. While my family has totally good intentions, I know that I'll need a list of *how* they can help, or else it will be a visit full of cooing at the baby the whole time, and then I'll feel more stressed.

So. What goes on your list of "how you can help me"? Help me think of some things I can have them doing!

Here's what I have so far:

Regular tasks like diaper/regular laundry, cooking, sweeping/vacuuming, helping me entertain big brother.

Tasks that only need to be done once or twice like freezer meals (specifically I want someone to make dried beans and flash freeze them, and freeze lactation cookie dough so I have it ready to bake), scrubbing bathrooms, mopping, and helping me sort/get rid of maternity clothes.

What else?!

[crazykittymomma]

Doing a load of laundry, bringing fresh meals, making up snacks in single serve portions, chores that will get pushed aside like mowing the grass or getting the trash to the curb, vacuuming, changing sheets on the beds. Personally, I'm already planning on making a list of what had to be done each day/each week in the various areas of the house for my husband while he's on paternity leave (since I get majorly stressed when the house is messy), so if anyone wants to help, I can just refer them to his list! I set up a meal calendar with mealbaby.com and people are already starting to sign up to bring us food (which is awesome, b/c neither side of the family can cook).

[meesh933]

My mom and MIL are both great about helping with the day to day stuff when they're here, even when I'm not pregnant or recovering from giving birth! One thing I did last time was to put instructions on top of my front-loading washer, especially for how I like diapers run. Most people just have no idea how to wash cloth diapers; my MIL put dryer sheets in with them once, I almost had a stroke.

One thing I wish I had done last time was ask people to cook/bring food. I had a bunch of meals frozen, and we ended up eating a lot of them while my mom was in town AND DH was off of work, so that by the time I was all alone all day, I had to start cooking again. Not exactly what I had planned, yanno?

I think a lot of people are good about playing with the bigger kid, especially if you need a nap. That was really helpful last time. I'm bad about asking for help, but it's easy to say "Hey DD, why don't you show Nana your really neat XYZ?" and they run off to play and I get a nap! I think I'm going to make a list of places the kids like to go and directions to get there for my parents, too. (I'm not sure if I did that last time. I know I meant to....)

[TalkToMeNow]

Hopefully, my mom will come for a little while after dh goes back to work. He probably won't be off for even a week. There is no way I would ever bring myself to be able to ask anyone to clean/ organize/ wash/ etc anything in my house. I don't know why, but I just can't do that. I never had any help with the prior two, so I'm not counting on much this time, either. Plus, my poor mother couldn't cook or clean to save her life! 

What I will have is kid info. If she can get them up (starting at 5:30 am for the oldest, 6:30 am for the two littler kids), get some kind of breakfast together, and get them off to school, that would be awesome! Same for the afternoons- pick the kids up at school, help a bit with homework, ensure everyone packs their lunches for the next day, and maybe help with the evening routines. I'm hoping that between dh and my mom, I can get 1.5 to 2 weeks of help with that kind of stuff.

Other than that, I'll be right back to cooking and cleaning as I pretty much know that no one else will do it. But maybe a few people will bring meals, my mom could get us take out once or twice, and I have a bunch of meals frozen. 

Actually, now that I think about it, the kids should be able to work together to sweep, mop, dust, and vacuum once or twice. Between the three of them, they are totally capable of that! 

Sarah, I get super stressed when things aren't clean, as well. I'm going to have to start a list for dh! His idea of clean and mine are very different. 

[jbk21]

I am wondering about if I should make an info sheet for my son's care while I'm in labor.  I won't have visitors until December (thank goodness) but is it overkill to have a babysitter info sheet for my son's caretaker while I'm laboring?  Hopefully he's just sleeping but.....

Will you be making a sheet for your son, Codenamemama?

Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow 

Hopefully, my mom will come for a little while after dh goes back to work. He probably won't be off for even a week. There is no way I would ever bring myself to be able to ask anyone to clean/ organize/ wash/ etc anything in my house. I don't know why, but I just can't do that. I never had any help with the prior two, so I'm not counting on much this time, either. Plus, my poor mother couldn't cook or clean to save her life! 

What I will have is kid info. If she can get them up (starting at 5:30 am for the oldest, 6:30 am for the two littler kids), get some kind of breakfast together, and get them off to school, that would be awesome! Same for the afternoons- pick the kids up at school, help a bit with homework, ensure everyone packs their lunches for the next day, and maybe help with the evening routines. I'm hoping that between dh and my mom, I can get 1.5 to 2 weeks of help with that kind of stuff.

Other than that, I'll be right back to cooking and cleaning as I pretty much know that no one else will do it. But maybe a few people will bring meals, my mom could get us take out once or twice, and I have a bunch of meals frozen. 

Actually, now that I think about it, the kids should be able to work together to sweep, mop, dust, and vacuum once or twice. Between the three of them, they are totally capable of that! 

Sarah, I get super stressed when things aren't clean, as well. I'm going to have to start a list for dh! His idea of clean and mine are very different. 

[KayPea]

I get people to bring food or do simple chores. We don't have a dishwasher, so doing dishes is something I get someone else to do, same with sweeping the floors, or folding laundry. Folding laundry was a big hit when DD was born - everyone loves folding tiny little clothes. We wash our own diapers though - the process just seems too complicated to explain to someone else. Plus other people find it icky. 

But like most others, I'm hoping visitors will mostly just help with DD. I'm hoping they can do things like take her to the park, to playgroup, do supervising-needed activities, like painting etc. Or make her lunch, give her a bath, get her dressed. And then I can nap. 

Between the baby's arrival, and Christmas, I'm hoping to have most of the time covered by non-overlapping family visits. First DH will be off for two weeks, and we'll have our family babymoon. Then my mom will come for a week, then my sister will come for a few days, maybe a week. Then hopefully I'll only have a week or two on my own, and then the in-laws will be coming for Christmas. Dh was also talking about working from home part time for those couple of weeks, so hopefully I have someone around to allow me to nap for the first couple of months!

[Jaimee]

I think that entertaining big brother and handling the food situation are the two biggest needs.  After that I'd say regular chores like laundry, stuffing/folding diapers, dishes, taking out trash/recycling, light cleaning, picking up/organizing toys, running any necessary errands, etc.  Personally I'd relegate the larger, less frequent chores (like mopping) to the bottom of the list b/c they are time consuming and not really necessary.

I remember my mom visiting after dd was born and she spent like 2 hours washing the floors one day on her hands and knees ('cause that's how she learned!).  I was sitting there thinking, man, I wish she was making me lunch right now instead.

For any chores that need to be done a specific way (like diaper laundry for example!) I typed up "how to" notes that I taped on the wall next to the item so that I didn't have to answer a bunch of questions and things could get done even if I was sleeping or in the shower. 

[TalkToMeNow]

Originally Posted by jbk21 

I am wondering about if I should make an info sheet for my son's care while I'm in labor.  I won't have visitors until December (thank goodness) but is it overkill to have a babysitter info sheet for my son's caretaker while I'm laboring?  Hopefully he's just sleeping but.....

Will you be making a sheet for your son, Codenamemama?

I have a serious list. I made a detailed word doc and sent it to everyone that I might call on (my parents, my best friend, my brother.) It has all the info about the kids, like what time to wake each of them up, what time to leave for school, etc. I even included a Google map to the school and put little arrows on it to show the way through the carpool lane! And I have info on after school activities, who needs to go where and when. And who needs their homework signed each night, what time the younger ones need to get in the shower, bedtimes. I have a list of take out places they like food from. Also, the info about feeding the pets, letting them out, putting out the trash, watering plants. It's pretty detailed. But, I will be at the hospital for 24 hours after the baby is born. And that is with no complications. So, hypothetically, I could be gone for two days. That's a lot of kid watching for someone! Plus, there is a lot more going on with school age kids than with a toddler. 

The only thing I have left to do is make a couple of copies of our house key for whoever ends up being here. 
 

[jbk21]

Whew, Amanda I'm glad I'm not the only one!  I know it will be okay if my son's schedule is off for a day (really less than that since he will just be watched while I'm in active labor, and he might be sleeping) but honestly, it helps me feel in control.  I feel like I am a good mom if I have passed along my son's preferences, lol.  I do it for normal babysitting/date nights too.  I know the sitter knows what to do- but I feel better knowing I said everything I needed to say. LOL.  Besides, my son is a tad bit OCD so there were some random bits of info that I wanted to pass along.  He's in that 2.5 year old "oh shit my world is falling apart why did you do it like THAT" stage. Sigh.  Plus he's also particular about his bedtime routine, etc.  I hope I'm here to put him to bed but we'll see!