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Grandparent names annoyance

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 

Our son is going to have three grandmothers (lucky boy), and there has been all this drama about what they're going to be called.  My mother doesn't particularly care.  She'll go with whatever, which will likely just be "Grandma first name," the tradition in my family.  DH's mothers, however, are being a PITA.  They want the child to pick the name for them, because I guess someone somewhere in the family came up with a cute name for a grandparent at some point because s/he couldn't pronounce the grandparent's name.  This would be fine, annoying, but fine, except we have to call them something before the baby learns to talk, and they complain about every single name we suggest.  We don't like nana because so and so's nana was mean.  We don't like granny because my mom's name is granny and that just seems old.  And they complain and complain.  What are we gonna do when they visit?  Say to baby "wanna go sit in this nice lady's lap for a while?"  Argh.  If you say you want someone else to pick the name, then don't be incredibly effing picky.  If you're going to be incredibly effing picky, tell me what you want!

post #2 of 7

I would just go with something simple- like Gramma or grandma, and they can suck it up.  Hopefully they will get over their pettiness once baby is here!

post #3 of 7
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbk21 View Post

I would just go with something simple- like Gramma or grandma, and they can suck it up.  Hopefully they will get over their pettiness once baby is here!



I'm sure that's what we'll end up doing, but the super petty part of *me* wants to just call them by their first names, and let them try to figure out why a two year old doesn't understand that they're his grandmothers, because no one ever told them they were, which is what they *say* they want.

post #4 of 7

We had a running joke that our kids would be required to call DH's mom " Grandmother (last name)"  Well, the girls actually do, it totally cracked her up the first time she heard it.  We call my mom Mor-Mor which is Danish for Grandmother when differentiating between grandmothers, but face to face, they are each called Gramma (first name).  Anyway, I would ask THEM "what would you like the kids to call you" which is what we did.

post #5 of 7
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paigekitten View Post

We had a running joke that our kids would be required to call DH's mom " Grandmother (last name)"  Well, the girls actually do, it totally cracked her up the first time she heard it.  We call my mom Mor-Mor which is Danish for Grandmother when differentiating between grandmothers, but face to face, they are each called Gramma (first name).  Anyway, I would ask THEM "what would you like the kids to call you" which is what we did.



We did ask them what they wanted the kids to call them.  They don't want to choose.  They want the grandchildren to choose (ours is the first).  But they hate what we would call them in the interim.  Maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about, but how is a toddler supposed to know what the relationship is if they're not told?  

 

It strikes a nerve with me, because DH was a very, very confused child.  It wasn't until he left for college that he realized his mothers were partners.  It was always presented as they were two young single mothers with children who decided to move in together.  And because that makes sense to a 6 year old, he never re-questioned it until he left for college and found himself describing his home situation and having people say that it sounded like his mothers were partners that it dawned on him.  One of his mothers is now openly gay, but the other (his biological mother) isn't in so far as she's never said it.  I don't know, the situation is difficult.  I get their point (that I've heard them make to others) that they shouldn't have to go around explaining who they are and who they sleep with to other people.  BUT, their son isn't just anybody.  And he grew up with a sense of not really understanding his relationship to the people around him, including his non-biological mother's family, who didn't know how to treat him because he was presented as a friend's child.  So anyway, this is just a long way of saying that it makes me want to smack her when she says little children figure these things out on their own, because I know that in DH's case that didn't happen, and he still has issues to this day from it.

post #6 of 7

I agree with J, just call them both Grandma (first name) until the baby gets older.  My MIL was Grandma Jan until my DD could talk, then she decided to be Nana, since it was much easier to pronounce.  My FIL picked Papa Doc right off the bat, which also works.  My parents didn't seem to care, so they're still Grandma and Grandpa (first name). 

 

They really don't have a choice what you call them when they're not there anyway.  It will work itself out, I promise.

post #7 of 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ablemec View Post
We did ask them what they wanted the kids to call them.  They don't want to choose.  They want the grandchildren to choose (ours is the first).  But they hate what we would call them in the interim.  Maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about, but how is a toddler supposed to know what the relationship is if they're not told?  

That's lame.  They might not like what the kids pick out either.  I called one grandmother "White Gramma, because she had white hair in the picture that was on the wall, and the other "Pink Gramma, because she was wearing a pink dress in the picture on the wall.

 

My cousin called my "white gramma" "black gramma," because she was wearing a black dress in the picture they had at their house, and um... she was NOT okay with that....

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