worried about when baby comes; alone

[catinthehat]

hey mamas,

i am feeling worried and scared.  i am due with baby #3 in two months.  i am very excited about the baby, but i am truly worried about the aloneness that comes with being a stay at home mom in this town.  my older two are at school now in kindergarten and 2nd grade.  the pregnancy has been me at home alone, and honestly i thought the alone time would be nice, but it is starting to get really lonely.  my husband has a demanding job and is not always emotionally available b/c his job is tough for him.  he typically needs alot from me in terms of support.  i don't have any family within driving distance, and they don't call me very much either.  i haven't managed to make any friends in this town where we have been for two years now.  very few people stay at home, and if they do, they don't call me!  i made a big effort when we first moved here to make friends.  I had playdates every week, and no one recipricated and invited me back. 

so i feel really scared that after baby is born, i might feel some depression b/c of my soilitude and the emotions and lack of sleep that come with a a baby.  any thoughts, advice, words of support?  i am thinking of joining MOPS, however, it is really religiously based in this town, and i am not religious.  other than mops, there are no moms groups.  there is really nothing to do as a mom in this town.  it is very small.  thanks for your replies.

[tincia]

I can totally empathize, i could practically have written that post myself 8 months ago! My youngest is 6m, dd is 3, and dd#1 is 10. My hands were so full I started to wonder what the hell i was doing having another kid, and then cried since it was a little late for that lol. It is hard when you don't have a really good support system. I think u should dig a little deeper into local activities..there must be SOMETHING out there. I know that I had no idea some of the programs that existed. What about at the library? If nothing else there will be other families there u can ask where they go hang out and do kid friendly activities. Make a real effort to get out a few days a week. Go for a walk a few days a week, go grocery shopping another, and hit the library or park too to meet other parents even if just to find out what's around.

[Red Pajama]

MOPS is a religious group, but if you have a filter, you might get some enjoyment out of it and meet some women you'd like to know better outside of the group.  Is there a la leche league that meets anywhere nearby?

many libraries have story time for babies in arms, and that might be a good place to meet other mothers.

[Snapdragon]

I know, it is so hard to connect with other people sometimes! I spend a lot of time trying to find people for my 19 month old to connect with and some times it is depressing! I have a fair # of aquaintences and am finally starting to get into possible play dates but I still feel like my ds needs way more connections with kids than he has right now- I Am pretty okay with alone time but I feel ds needs more.

My advice is to keep pursuing play dates, other moms, other people. I alwyas feel like it seems like every sahm would want to connect with others- like, what do people do with their kids all day? but then I also know that sometimes it is hard to make plans when you have kids as you don;'t know how the day will go. I think lots of people fell the way you do and feel like- what is wrong with me? but I think it is oftne not personal why people don't call back- people just get overwhelmed. So just try and try- sometimes it only takes having one other mom and kid to make all the difference- good luck! I am keeping on trying too!

[twinpossible]

I felt the same way after my twin girls came home from the NICU. For a while we could not be around other children and I felt SO alone! I joined Stroller Strides and that saved my sanity! It is nation-wide so there might be one close enough to you. If you lived here I would take you under my wing :) It gets better, keep searching!

[dreamingtree]

are you planning to breastfeed? You may have already thought of this, but what about La Leche League? Going to some meetings would be a great way to meet some ladies that may be like-minded.... 

That's so hard to live somewhere where you haven't been able to make friends. I know the feeling, somewhat. I hope things get better :(