Unclean people wanting to hold the new baby:(

[1love4ever]

Ok so my brother(18) is dating a girl who is very unclean.  Does not wash hands after using bathroom, showers probably monthly, wears the same clothes for a week even if they are covered in dirt and who knows what else, very oily hair with flakes falling off everywhere, etc.  It is very sad.  She will not listen to small bits of encouragement to clean up, and I dont want to be rude and say "God you stink, go shower and change your clothes!", so, what do I say when she wants to hold the new baby?  I wouldnt have a problem asking her to wash her hands, but I know she will just quickly run them under cold water and then contaminate my clean hand towel to dry them.  Would it be too mean to just ask her to go home and shower and get clean clothes?  I dont know if I even have the guts to do it lol. 

Also thought about hand sanitizer, but that stuff scares me because it does not kill the MRSA and other antibiotic resistant bacteria, it just kills off all the other bad stuff and the good stuff and leaves only the MRSA.  Then there is also the issue of the baby being held against her dirty clothes, wrists, and arms. 

Maybe I am being ridiculous but I do not want to expose my baby to whatever might be on this girl!  She goes to highschool, and she never washes her hands even after using the bathroom, two things that could cause a ton of bad germs to be on her hands, clothes, etc.   I actually wipe off my couch after she sits on it when they come over, I dont even like her in my house at all but I dont want to be mean to her!

[babygirlie]

maybe you should tell your brother? Men have a way of putting things a bit more gently and he's with her. How do you know she doesn't wash her hands at school?

If it makes you feel any better supposedly it's the rinsing of the hands not with soap that gets rid of germs as well as it gets. I wash my hands every 30 minutes and boy my hands are so full of blisters and cracking I wouldn't get them near someone else's baby. I just crawl out of  my skin knowing they aren't washed though.

Is she impoverished? Maybe you could buy some sample soaps or a gift basket and be like oh.. i got an extra one of these why don't you have one too. then again she could be super crunchy and anti soaping :/

but no... I wouldn't let her hold the baby. I would ask questions of someone was just sanitized by NASA standards before not cringing to death if someone was holding my baby though :x

[1love4ever]

I meant she attends high school where there are lots of germs.  And she never washes her hands after going to the bathroom at my house or at my dads house(she has practically moved in with my brother who lives with our dad, he says she is all the way down the stairs from the bathroom before the toilet is done flushing!), so I really doubt she washes them at school either.  She is not impoverished, like I said she basically lives with my brother who buys her anything she wants/needs(which is mostly just pop and candy).  I have tried to encourage her, and I have purposly said things to 20 month old DD in front of her about the importance of hand washing, such as after going potty.   But apparently she does not get the message.

And it is the friction of rubbing the hands together combined with water running over them and wrinsing them that gets the germs off.  In nursing we learned that it was more important to spend time rubbing the hands together under water rather than worrying about the soap.  My point with her is that she probably does not even know proper hand washing procedure, or something close to it, rather she will probably just quickly run her hands under the water, not rub them together.

I could talk to my brother, thats a good idea, but he is very young and for some reason does not seem to notice how unclean she is, even though we were raised to be very clean people.  I thought about just saying that the baby is very likely to get sick from unwashed hands, arms, clothes, people, etc, so to make sure you both shower and put on new clothes the day you are coming over.  Who knows if that will work tho, he is pretty absent minded and just young!  Sorry everyone, I'm just obsessed with my baby being healthy and not getting sick!

[Mizelenius]

I'd come up with an excuse every time . . .AND keep the baby in a carrier as much as possible.  Not only is a little protection, but people seem to leave you alone if you'd actually have to take the baby out of the carrier for them to hold. 

[Vermillion]

 I would totally just play the paranoid mom to new baby card and tell her "Oh, it's cold/flu/whatever season and I am so paranoid the baby will get sick, sorry!" and wearing the baby will definitely discourage others from holding!

[mammamo]

yup, and keep baby on boob as much as possible when she is around

Originally Posted by Vermillion 

 I would totally just play the paranoid mom to new baby card and tell her "Oh, it's cold/flu/whatever season and I am so paranoid the baby will get sick, sorry!" and wearing the baby will definitely discourage others from holding!

[Hykue]

My personal hygiene standards are not as high as most people.  When I looked after my niece for a month, my sister explicitly mentioned making sure to wash my hands after I used the bathroom or changed a diaper, and I wasn't offended at all.  It seems like common sense to me, though, that one ups the standards when handling a baby.  And I do actually know how to wash my hands properly, so she didn't have to give me a tutorial.  Nonetheless, it might be worth the awkwardness of explaining what your criteria are for holding your baby.  If you just don't mention a reason but won't let her hold your baby it could make her think that you just don't trust her in general.  That would be offensive to me, whereas asking me to make specific changes in my behavior would not be.  But I'm not her, so I can't really know, can I?

[1love4ever]

Thanks everyone, I thought of the carrier thing a little later too, great idea!  This girl is only 16 and pretty immature, so I hope she is mature enough to understand, but I have made up my mind that I will not risk my babys health in order to try not to offend her.  Its my house, my newborn baby, my rules, and she will just have to get over it!   This girl is also completely against breastfeeding and made a rude comment every time I would BF DD, and totally insults my home birth choice every time she sees me, so I really just do not get along with this girl.  I have GOT to stop stressing about how not to hurt her feelings, because she obviously does not care if she hurts mine!

[Mizelenius]

Yes, and consider REALLY limiting visitors for awhile anyway-- esp. the ones who stress you out!

I just posted about this on another thread: "La Cuarentena."

Maybe if you see your brother, go to his house so you can leave whenever you want!

Originally Posted by 1love4ever 

Thanks everyone, I thought of the carrier thing a little later too, great idea!  This girl is only 16 and pretty immature, so I hope she is mature enough to understand, but I have made up my mind that I will not risk my babys health in order to try not to offend her.  Its my house, my newborn baby, my rules, and she will just have to get over it!   This girl is also completely against breastfeeding and made a rude comment every time I would BF DD, and totally insults my home birth choice every time she sees me, so I really just do not get along with this girl.  I have GOT to stop stressing about how not to hurt her feelings, because she obviously does not care if she hurts mine!

[parsley]

I kept DD in a wrap and didn't let most people hold her or even touch her.  I asserted that it was what was right for her and that's what I was concerned with.  I know I made some people angry with this approach but it made me feel good to know that I was taking care of my daughter.  I explained to those who forced the issue that DD wasn't an object for admiring but a person who was very vulnerable and that it was my responsiblity to protect her. 

For the people who I did let hold DD on occasion (her grandparents, her aunts and 1-2 of my friends), I set up a standing rule in my house that you a) take off your shoes; b) go wash your hands; and c) wear a surgical mask.  My SIL is really stinky and DH let her know that she needed to wash thoroughly and wear clean clothes (ie: just out of the wash) if she was going to touch DD.  She willingly agreed to our terms. 

We'll follow the same pattern with the new baby. 

[hildare]

~provide holders of the baby with a very large baby blanket to "drape over their clothing in case the baby spits up?"

~just outright say that anyone holding baby has to wash carefully with soap and water, as you've read that that reduces risk.

[woodensandals]

When my little one was tiny I was just bitchy and instructed people to wash when they came into the house and specified to use the soap next to the sink and sing the happy birthday song. 

My husbands grandma doesn't understand but she complies. I can't blame her. Germ theory didn't exist until she was long out of school!

If you really are grossed out by this girl do a family only visiting policy and tell your brother specifically NO

[mamaecho]

I'm not a germaphobe at ALL but the idea of not washing your hands after the bathroom? uh... gross.

[llwr]

I don't like other people touching my babies.  It's not even so much about germs; I just don't like new babies passed around.  They're mine and they belong with me!  They're not some sort of trophy.  If visitors care about the baby they can show that by helping my family -- bringing dinner or doing housework.  It's not like I need help taking care of a sleeping baby.  Most people don't want to hold a crying baby after all. 

I'd consider limiting visitors (especially her).  Or just limit her (and your brother if need be) and use the excuse that you're limiting visitors.  I like the family only policy too.  When you're around her make sure you wear the baby.

Honestly, I don't see why a 16 yo that's rude to you and whose only connection to you is that she's your brothers girlfriend needs to have the "right" to hold your baby anyway.   Clean or not.  I also feel like it's kinda rude to ask to hold someone else's baby.  But that's just me...