I have a three year-old daughter who is very shy until she gets to know people- even family, but after three years of being around my oldest sister and my younger brother at least once a week for most of her life, DD still will not speak to them. My sister is pushy and bossy- that's just her. My parents and I have tried to tell her that the best way to get DD to come to her is to back off and give her space, but she keeps pushing DD to interact with her and then teases her, which is no way to get anywhere. Does anyone have any ideas as to what I could say to her? (My brother isn't as bad.)
In addition, my sister adopted her best friend's two daughters after the friend's death from cancer. With her girls, she is very authoritarian, not to say nagging and strict. She also gripes at these girls and criticizes them in front of others. If my DD is naughty in public, she gets the stink eye from me and knows to check her actions. In serious cases, I take her to another room to talk about what she's doing. My sister doesn't "get" what I'm doing and barely restrains herself from criticizing me and my parenting style. I know she's going to say something someday and I'm going to have trouble staying calm when I react to her.
I come from a fairly large family that gets along most of the time but there has always been tension between me this sister and brother, mostly because they are both pushy, bossy, and more controlling than I am. I'm wondering if maybe DD can pick up my feelings towards them and that that's affecting her behavior toward them. Is that a reasonable idea or is it crazy talk?
I'm sure other people have had this same problem- can anyone offer advice? I can't change the fact that my sister stresses me out, but I do try to hide it and I've told DD over and over that her aunt loves her and just wants to play with her and be her friend. My sister takes DD's reluctance as rejection and takes it personally.
Thank you in advance!