I'm miscarrying.

[youngspiritmom]

I have been trying to get the energy up to post this for days. I was 7 weeks pregnant and noticed some bleeding a few days ago. Had an ultrasound - no sign of fetus in the sac. Intense cramping and constant bleeding since then. My body is de-pregnating itself. I can't name this experience or the emotions I'm feeling...

I have one beautiful baby who I love. He was not planned. I had birth trauma with him and post partum depression. I went to counseling and finally was at a beautiful place where I WANTED another baby. It took me SO. LONG. to get there. So, we planned this pregnancy. The due date was perfect - in the beginning of summer when my husband would be home to help. I just knew it was a girl. I had a name picked out. The spacing between my first and this baby was exactly what I wanted. My first child had been talking to my belly and was so excited.

My first pregnancy was such a hard experience. My second pregnancy was so carefully planned, and such a joyful experience and it seems so horrible that it was taken away. I feel traumatized all over again.

I always knew women miscarried but I never thought it would happen to me. Now the fact that "I had a miscarriage" is part of my life story and I can't bear to think that. It's too sad. I feel so....jaded/old/un-naive. It makes me feel less optimistic/young and more like a person who has wrinkles on their face that reveal their sad life struggles.

I know the statistics of having another baby are in my favor, but I feel so scared, scarred, and like nothing can ever fix this.

I go between bouts of crying, laughing, feeling nothing, and shock/disbelief.

I don't know where to go from here and nothing seems as important....

[Adaline'sMama]

Im so sorry.

[cameragirl]

I'm so sorry. I had a very difficult pregnancy with my first, and it took me a long time to be ready to plan another pregnancy. Unfortunately we lost our little one at 6w1d. I wish that no parents had to go through that.

[Lucki]

I am so sorry.  I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it will get easier to breath, to move, to live again.    Take as much time to grieve as you need, and take as much comfort from your son as you can.

[gitanamama]

Oh mama, my heart goes out to you. I know that no two experiences are ever the same, but I remember feeling many of the things you described when I miscarried (almost 3 years ago now.) I remember feeling like my body was betraying me--I felt angry, sad, confused, and totally alone.

Nothing will ever "fix" this, like you said, but you will heal...even as hard as it is to imagine right now. Give yourself time, space, and the freedom to grieve as much as you need, in any way that you need. I know some mothers hold ceremonies for their lost pregnancies. Walking, crying, journaling, and meditating all helped me.  

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't think there are words that can make it any easier, but I'm sending strength and healing thoughts your way. 

[1jooj]

YSM, I have never "just dropped into" Grief and Loss...just stopped in today in my own, self-absorbed place.

Mama, you have been such a sweet bit of light in my eyes since you happened into my little life, and I am so sorry for your loss.

You do know in your heart and trust in the Great Wisdom beyond ours, but now might not be a time of seeing or feeling that trust and wisdom, so do take this time to be where your heart is now. So much love to you, that your burdens feel lighter as you continue on the path.

May you feel the mercy, kindness and compassion of others.

[youngspiritmom]

Thank you all for your kindness

 

Originally Posted by 1jooj 

YSM, I have never "just dropped into" Grief and Loss...just stopped in today in my own, self-absorbed place.

Mama, you have been such a sweet bit of light in my eyes since you happened into my little life, and I am so sorry for your loss.

You do know in your heart and trust in the Great Wisdom beyond ours, but now might not be a time of seeing or feeling that trust and wisdom, so do take this time to be where your heart is now. So much love to you, that your burdens feel lighter as you continue on the path.

May you feel the mercy, kindness and compassion of others.

 1jooj, thank you so much dear friend  I'm so happy God brought you to come across my message, your words mean so much to me

[LionLady13]

I am so sorry, you're also going through this. I am on my third day of miscarrying our little six week, 3 day old embryo. It's very sad and I too had girl visions with this one (we have a son, and that's kind of how it goes, doesn't it?). I think I'm passed the worst part (physically) but this is something I never expected and I also am feeling a range of emotions that I've never experienced before. The doc who did the ultrasound last night thought it probably was a "blighted ovum". So, I'm with you sister, on this bizarre, sad journey only us women can fully understand.