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c-birth/c-section/surgical birth forum request - Page 7

post #121 of 366

Oh I also wanted to say I don't really care one way or the other if there is a sub forum, what I care about is how that sub forum would be handled and what would be perpetuated there.

post #122 of 366

I hope truth gets perpetuated there.

 

Inductions for ten women out of ten = Bad.

 

Telling a pre-e woman to eat a special diet and think happy thoughts = Just as Bad.

post #123 of 366

agreed pp

post #124 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilie2 View Post

Oh I also wanted to say I don't really care one way or the other if there is a sub forum, what I care about is how that sub forum would be handled and what would be perpetuated there.


Here's the thing: being a natural family living and attachment parenting site, the c-section forum is never going to be some place ran by OB's waving a knife. Real mothers will share their story about wanting nothing more than a natural, perfect birth, but instead ended up with an a c-section. Or some variation, but you get my point. Everyone assumes it won't happen to them, and some even think if they just do everything 'right', they won't end up having their baby cut out of them.

MDC has a chance to be a NFL/AP board that presents a reasonable side of c-sections. People could recommend others come here, over babycenter, especially if the mom is more "natural" minded, or wants to be in control of her healthcare, or whatever. You know, the families that are not "mainstream" (I kinda hate that term, but hey).

The board here would be sensitive to one's emotions regarding a possible or already occurrd c-section. That isn't something you find too common elsewhere, unless you happen to have that kind of real life support. You get a lot of, well, at least you didn't have to push the baby out, or tear, and your baby is healthy, and so on. In those people's defense, they may be just trying to help the new mom see some positives of the surgery. but there isn't a lot of people who can relate to your experience, or grief. On the flip-side, many mothers had positive experiences with their c-sections and can offer advice as to what made the situation okay, which could help others plan for the possibility or provide insight and a means of processing what happened for some.

It's really a win-win, here, so I have a hard time seeing the negatives of a c-section forum here at Mothering.
post #125 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilie2 View Post

 


Here's the thing: being a natural family living and attachment parenting site, the c-section forum is never going to be some place ran by OB's waving a knife. Real mothers will share their story about wanting nothing more than a natural, perfect birth, but instead ended up with an a c-section. Or some variation, but you get my point. Everyone assumes it won't happen to them, and some even think if they just do everything 'right', they won't end up having their baby cut out of them.

MDC has a chance to be a NFL/AP board that presents a reasonable side of c-sections. People could recommend they come here, over babycenter, especially of the mom is more "natural" minded, or wants to be in control of her healthcare, or whatever. You know, the families that are not "mainstream" (I kinda hate that term, but hey).

The board here would be sensitive to one's emotions regarding a possible or already occurrd c-section. That isn't something you find too common elsewhere, unless you happen to have that kind of real life support. You get a lot of, well, at least you didn't have to push the baby out, or tear, and your baby is healthy, and so on. In those people's defense, they may be just trying to help the new mom see some positives of the surgery. but there isn't a lot of people who can relate to your experience, or grief. On the flip-side, many mothers had positive experiences with their c-sections and can offer advice as to what made the situation okay, which could help others plan for the possibility or provide insight and a means of processing what happened for some.

It's really a win-win, here, so I have a hard time seeing the negatives of a c-section forum here at Mothering.


I think if there is a forum than something written like this should be a sticky. Read before you enter. We do not agree with elective c-section- etc.

post #126 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilie2 View Post

I was misunderstood....

I do not think dr.s push c-sections.... I think they push interventions that make birthing vaginally difficult.

Like being in a bed hooked up to monitors,

not allowed to move,

not allowed to eat,

people you don't know around you

drugs

unknowledgeable staff

tests,

 

"big baby" is not used so much to scare women into c-section but to induce- which results in more c-sections

 

The fact that you are arguing this is strange to me.

I don't know anyone IRL that has given birth without an an induction except two cousins and one friend.

When I gave birth to my son I was accosted at the "child birth classes" for not agreeing to one. By the nursing staff !!! They could NOT understand why in the world I did not want to be induced.  EVERY woman of the TEN in the room was planning an induction for various reasons.

I did not know much and had not found mothering yet- but knew that was just WRONG.

 

 

 



I'm not quite sure who you're addressing this to. But no one is arguing that this doesn't happen, only that it doesn't always happen. What you are arguing would be strange to me - if I didn't realize that everybody everywhere isn't going to have the same experience I did.

 

I was induced, but this was because I developed pre-e at 41 weeks. Prior to this, induction never came up. They were not interested in any interventions based on the size of my baby. Because I was induced, I was hooked to the monitor, but before I developed pre-e we had discussed the intermittant monitoring. In general, my HCP providers and hospital were big supporters of walking during labor, of showers (they didn't have tubs, to my dismay, but that was a capital issue), of the birthing ball, of whatever you felt like. Painkillers were up to me.

 

The birthing classes I took were reccomended by my practice, although I think I originally heard about them from a co-worker. Everyone's biggest fear, when asked, was of having a c-section. The instructor said "they are a great tool when necessary, but aren't necessary as often as they are used." We watched several films of vaginal births with endless walking the halls scenes and talked about what to do in the early stages of labor since you don't want to go to the hospital right away. My hospital tour was led by a lactation consultant and involved a movie about how important it was to breastfeed right away.

post #127 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by CI Mama View Post





Did Mothering explain what those ideals are and how a c-section board is incompatible with them?

 

I feel really dense here, but I just don't get it. I'm starting to think that I have a really skewed idea of what MDC is all about, because I just can't come up with a good reason not to have a c-section board.


Not really. Those were the days where you weren't supposed to question admin or moderators, and things weren't really up for discussion. A statement would be made, then threads were locked or deleted.
post #128 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilie2 View Post



It's really a win-win, here, so I have a hard time seeing the negatives of a c-section forum here at Mothering.


I totally get what you are saying about how it will never be a place that people promote sections, but at the same time, do you think it could wind up turning into a place where god forbid anyone tell anyone else that they really dont need a c section, that their doctor is (or could be) wrong? Or what about the other way around? Are people going to be constantly questioning every womans section?

I know that there are some things that I refuse to post about on MDC because I dont want to have the "no, I really dont think its a milk allergy" conversation or the "sure, whatever....Ill try and "heal" my teeth" conversation. I would hate for people to not be able to talk about why they think they need a section because of people jumping in and saying why they dont need a c section. Basically, I think this forum is an awesome idea, but if people arent going to be respectful about other people's birth decisions it is going to wind up being just like the UC forum.
post #129 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post


Not really. Those were the days where you weren't supposed to question admin or moderators, and things weren't really up for discussion. A statement would be made, then threads were locked or deleted.



But you can see even now, despite the posters explaining exactly what they want a c-section forum for, there are still people who are reacting as though it is an immediate threat of being overrun by hordes of surgery-happy mainstreamers.

post #130 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildwomyn View Post





But you can see even now, despite the posters explaining exactly what they want a c-section forum for, there are still people who are reacting as though it is an immediate threat of being overrun by hordes of surgery-happy mainstreamers.


Im more worried about women who are already dealing with enough stress, disappointment, or anxiety having to deal with a "NCB is the only way" attitude. But, I guess, from what most women here who have had cbirths are saying, they are having to deal with that attitude anyway.

I really dont think there are "surgery happy mainstreamers" that want to hang out with all of us hippies anyway.
post #131 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post


Im more worried about women who are already dealing with enough stress, disappointment, or anxiety having to deal with a "NCB is the only way" attitude. But, I guess, from what most women here who have had cbirths are saying, they are having to deal with that attitude anyway.
I really dont think there are "surgery happy mainstreamers" that want to hang out with all of us hippies anyway.


I don't think so either, but I'm obviously not getting anywhere with that argument.

 

After I had my c-section, I was honestly glad that I hadn't really posted much here and that no one would notice if I never shared a birth story. Because I knew it would wind up in me being told that I was duped and naive and maybe I would be able to have a baby the right way someday if I tried hard enough.

post #132 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post


I totally get what you are saying about how it will never be a place that people promote sections, but at the same time, do you think it could wind up turning into a place where god forbid anyone tell anyone else that they really dont need a c section, that their doctor is (or could be) wrong? Or what about the other way around? Are people going to be constantly questioning every womans section?
I know that there are some things that I refuse to post about on MDC because I dont want to have the "no, I really dont think its a milk allergy" conversation or the "sure, whatever....Ill try and "heal" my teeth" conversation. I would hate for people to not be able to talk about why they think they need a section because of people jumping in and saying why they dont need a c section. Basically, I think this forum is an awesome idea, but if people arent going to be respectful about other people's birth decisions it is going to wind up being just like the UC forum.


These are really good points. It is going to take some careful intention-setting & moderation to find the way to be both "natural parenting" oriented and open to & tolerant of the real-life experiences of women. Not easy.

 

Case in point: elective c-sections. I know that in the past, MDC has had a clear stance against this, and I understand why, and maybe that stance needs to stay.

 

BUT...the three women I know IRL who have had elective c-sections are:

  • A woman who had a traumantic unplanned c-section with her first. When she was getting ready to have her 2nd, she was dealing with a SN toddler and had her own anxiety issues. She elected to do a c-section because it felt like the best way for her to birth.
  • A woman who had a traumatic unplanned c-section when she was a single mom with a poor support network, and then lost the baby to SIDS 6 weeks later. When she was pregnant with her 2nd, she had major mental health/anxiety issues and felt like a planned c-section was her best strategy for getting through the birth.
  • A woman with cerebral palsey who had an unplanned c-section with her first and elected to have a c-section with her second.

 

None of these women were particularly "natural parenting" oriented and probably would not have found their way to MDC. Personally, if someone on MDC said she was electing a c-section, I would assume that there was a pretty damn good reason for it. But as you all know, I always err on the side of trusting that women know themselves and their own situation best.

post #133 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildwomyn View Post





I don't think so either, but I'm obviously not getting anywhere with that argument.

 

After I had my c-section, I was honestly glad that I hadn't really posted much here and that no one would notice if I never shared a birth story. Because I knew it would wind up in me being told that I was duped and naive and maybe I would be able to have a baby the right way someday if I tried hard enough.


greensad.gif
post #134 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post

Having read more posts, I'm just wondering - are those of us who were traumatized and who did hate our c-sections, going to be able to post in this hypothetical new forum? Or, are we going to be shut up, so we don't mess up everyone's vibe? I'm getting the feeling that a lot of people want MDC to be another shiny, happy "c-sections aren't so bad" place, just like pretty much everywhere else on the effing net. If that's what it is, that's what it is. But, the fact that MDC wasn't like that is the only reason I found this forum in the first place.

 

Except for threads about recovery tips and such, i'm very unlikely to post in the forum, anyway. I'm finding MDC surprisingly hostile on this subject, of late. I just want to know if the sub-context of "if you were traumatized, shut up, because we don't want to hear it", is intentional or not.


Storm Bride, I sure hope it wouldn't be like that because that would be exactly the same way that people feel who do like/didn't mind their c-sections! That would be completely unproductive and unhealthy in the other extreme.

 

post #135 of 366

This thread is prompting some interesting discussion, for sure, and I hope a mod pops in at some point.  It may be they're keeping an eye on things to listen, which is good. 

 

I delivered my first child at 25, a week and 1/2 overdue, and he was 8 pounds 9 1/2 ounces.  Nobody ever suggested a c-section.  I was young and uninformed and it never would have occurred to me to say "no, I want to try vaginal."  I trusted and loved my OB.

 

My second at 39 via c-section/induction due to pre-eclampsia, at 37 weeks.  Same OB.  The c-section was because of the heart rate and we were told his cord was wrapped around his neck.  A friend asked me, "Do you believe the cord was wrapped, or do you think the doctor just told you that?"  It would've NEVER occurred to me that my doctor would have done that.  I have trusted her with my mind and body for twenty years.

post #136 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by CI Mama View Post


These are really good points. It is going to take some careful intention-setting & moderation to find the way to be both "natural parenting" oriented and open to & tolerant of the real-life experiences of women. Not easy.

 

Case in point: elective c-sections. I know that in the past, MDC has had a clear stance against this, and I understand why, and maybe that stance needs to stay.

 

\


Would an elective repeat c-section be regarded the same in this hypothetical forum as an elective first c-section?  I just don't think that's fair.  VBAC isn't an option for many.  For me, I was more comfortable with the risks of a repeat c-section than trying for a VBAC.  I know, take away my AP card.  But if MDC is going to dictate what risks are NFL/AP and what aren't, then there shouldn't be separate vaccinating forums either.

 

I elected to have a tubal ligation with my second c-section, so trying for a VBAC wouldn't have made sense, and wouldn't have been possible anyway when I had severe pre-e at 34 weeks.  I am not ashamed and don't feel like I should ever have to explain why I had 2 c-sections, but that's the norm on MDC.

post #137 of 366

I was induced for my first baby because I was almost two weeks overdue and she was not looking good on the NSTs I was having, but since I was so afraid of a c section we went with induction to get her out but with close monitoring. They told me I could labor as long as I needed as long as the baby looked OK.

 

After 44 hours, her heart rate took a serious dive and she needed to come out now!! I was in tears, I sobbed the whole way in. I cried into the arms of a nurse when they put the spinal in. I was so scared!

 

I have to say, I was treated with such respect and dignity for my c section, and my induction was such horror.

 

If I am ever in the same situation, where the baby must come out soon, I cannot go through an induction again and will chose a section. Does that mean I will be chosing an elective section, if induction is an option?

post #138 of 366

I just would love a place, where I can share about my section and not feel like I committed the worlds biggest crime.

It is sad how many woman who are on this board, who do not feel like they can share their birth story because they had a section, in fear of how some people will react on here. 

Just an honest place without sugar coating it, whether you had a horrible experience, or you were able to find a way to cope with the fact that you needed a section.

Also a place where people who never had a section can come and share information to those who are being pressured by their OB into a section. Etc etc.

 

post #139 of 366

I am a member who would like to see a c/s forum added. Thank you!

post #140 of 366
Quote:
Originally Posted by alittlesandy View Post

I think there are a lot of stories around here about the big bad boogeymen at the hospital. I sobbed with terror on my way to the hospital for my c-section, and wish I had known ahead of time that it would be such a supportive, positive experience.



Even if the positive stories were posted alongside the scary ones, you'd have no way of knowing which experience you were going to get, though. Your experience went one way, but it could have gone in a completely different direction. I hadn't heard any scare stories, and my first experience was bloody awful. I was terrified going into my last one, and it was actually tolerable (same hospital).  There are a lot of factors that have an effect on the overall experience, and the mom's expectations are only part of the picture.

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