c-birth/c-section/surgical birth forum request - Page 3

[waluso]

Maybe I'm unusual, but I have never felt treated differently on MDC because I had a c-section and instead feel I have to justify to more people than I would expect why I want a VBAC and a home birth the next time. I like the ideal of a c section forum (and I could have used the support after my c section), but I hope it is still committed to a natural parenting philosophy and isn't biased towards having a c section or minimizes the trauma that many of us went through with our c sections. 

[alittlesandy]

Originally Posted by waluso 

Maybe I'm unusual, but I have never felt treated differently on MDC because I had a c-section and instead feel I have to justify to more people than I would expect why I want a VBAC and a home birth the next time. I like the ideal of a c section forum (and I could have used the support after my c section), but I hope it is still committed to a natural parenting philosophy and isn't biased towards having a c section or minimizes the trauma that many of us went through with our c sections. 

I hear this again and again and am very sensitive and compassionate to mothers who had traumatizing c-sections. However, I want to know what this means. Does it mean that if my c-section was not traumatizing that I can't talk about it? Does the MDC natural parenting philosophy imply that a wonderful c-section experience means that it is biased toward c-sections or advocating c-sections? I don't see it that way at all, and I think that's why a lot of us would like a forum where we can freely discuss our experiences. I agree that women who had traumatic experiences are supported here, but not everyone had that experience. I've never seen one woman say to another, "Oh, get over it, it's no big deal." But I think they have the right to say about their own experience that it was no big deal.

Edited by alittlesandy - 10/28/11 at 5:09pm

[waluso]

Originally Posted by alittlesandy 

I hear this again and again and am very sensitive and compassionate to mothers who had traumatizing c-sections. However, I want to know what this means. Does it mean that if my c-section was not traumatizing that I can't talk about it? Does the MDC natural parenting philosophy imply that a wonderful c-section experience means that it is biased toward c-sections or advocating c-sections? I don't see it that way at all, and I think that's why a lot of us would like a forum where we can freely discuss our experiences. I agree that women who had traumatic experiences are supported here, but not everyone had that experience. I've never seen one woman say to another, "Oh, get over it, it's no big deal." But I think they have the right to say about their own experience that it was no big deal.

I guess we have read different threads, or interpret them differently. In any event, that's just my opinion and how I feel. I'm glad you have had a different experience. 

[waluso]

One more thing. Although I keep hearing that MDC looks down upon mothers who had a c section, I haven't seen that happen. But I wouldn't assume it doesn't happen just because I haven't seen it or interpreted it that way. Everyone's feelings should be valid, and I'm just adding mine to the mix. I have no problem with someone saying they had a good experience with a c section, but I do have a problem with them saying it isn't that big of a deal or that it's a minor surgery. I have definitely seen that said on here many times.

[irishmamacat]

But what if, for some of us, it wasn't that big a deal?

Not much pain, easy recovery and didn't stop us doing any of the things we wanted to do?

What if, for some of us, it was significantly less of a deal than other surgeries we have had?

Sure, it's not a minor surgery, but I've had other surgeries that were much, much more painful, with much, much longer recoveries.

Am I not allowed to say, that in the grand scheme of my life, the c-section wasn't that much of a big deal? Is that verboten here?

I'm not suggesting that c-section recoveries are always easy, or that women can't be traumatised by them (and I'm sorry if that is the case for you), but it isn't always the case.

[waluso]

Originally Posted by irishmamacat 

But what if, for some of us, it wasn't that big a deal?

Not much pain, easy recovery and didn't stop us doing any of the things we wanted to do?

What if, for some of us, it was significantly less of a deal than other surgeries we have had?

Sure, it's not a minor surgery, but I've had other surgeries that were much, much more painful, with much, much longer recoveries.

Am I not allowed to say, that in the grand scheme of my life, the c-section wasn't that much of a big deal? Is that verboten here?

I'm not suggesting that c-section recoveries are always easy, or that women can't be traumatised by them (and I'm sorry if that is the case for you), but it isn't always the case.

There is a huge difference in saying a c section wasn't a big deal FOR YOU, and saying c sections aren't a big deal. Too many people here talk in generalities which are so dismissive of others' experiences. It seems some people are on a crusade to make c sections seem minor, and that just isn't the case for many of us. I'm sure it goes the other way too, but personally I try to be respectful of everyone's experiences and feelings. I'm glad you had a good experience. If I have another c section I would be interested in how you had such a great recovery. But please don't imply that a c section recovery is not that bad for everyone, or not as bad as other surgeries.

[irishmamacat]

Sorry, I was trying to be specific to my experience.

It isn't minor surgery, but it isn't the kind of major surgery that requires an ICU stay and weeks of rehab. I think the reason I had a "good" recovery is because my previous experiences with my health have given me broader terms of reference and have re-framed what I consider to be painful and inconvenient.

I knew what a spinal feels like, I already knew what wounds look and feel like while they're healing, I know what painkillers work for me and what ones don't, I know what level of discomfort I can push through, and what I can't- and you can't get that experience any way but the hard way.

I get that if your c-section is one you really didn't want to have and one that you are not physically, emotionally or spiritually prepared for that you will find it traumatic, painful and very, very sad. Especially so if you can't do some of the things you had planned to do because of it, or if your recovery was complicated. Really, I do understand that.

MY experience was that the c-section recovery was the easiest of any of my surgeries (most of which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy), and that the pain from breastfeeding hurt more and continued for longer than the pain from my c-section did.

I REALLY think this place needs a c-section forum, but I don't really think it needs me.

Slán agus Beannacht 

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by waluso 

There is a huge difference in saying a c section wasn't a big deal FOR YOU, and saying c sections aren't a big deal. Too many people here talk in generalities which are so dismissive of others' experiences. It seems some people are on a crusade to make c sections seem minor, and that just isn't the case for many of us. I'm sure it goes the other way too, but personally I try to be respectful of everyone's experiences and feelings. I'm glad you had a good experience. If I have another c section I would be interested in how you had such a great recovery. But please don't imply that a c section recovery is not that bad for everyone, or not as bad as other surgeries.

Isn't that the case for vaginal deliveries as well?  It's not like birth trauma is exclusive to surgical births.  Substitute "vaginal birth" or "homebirth" where you wrote "c-section" and it fits.  But it's fine to say that homebirth and unassisted birth are minor and no big deal, even though that's not the case for many?

[Annie Mac]

I would go to a forum that was about c-sections. I had to have one last time & may have to again, and I'd love to have a place where I can discuss the intricacies. What I have learned from these forums is that women's experiences with pregnancy and birth often do not fit the mold of the medical canon. With my c-section, for example, my scar was numb for a long time (still is, actually). My doctor, while a fantastic OB in many ways, told me that was really super rare, but from what I can gather anecdotally, it's not so rare at all. It is very valuable to share information & if we could talk about c-sections in a non-judgmental, non-birth trauma-related way, I would absolutely support that. 

[cameragirl]

Originally Posted by Annie Mac 

I would go to a forum that was about c-sections. I had to have one last time & may have to again, and I'd love to have a place where I can discuss the intricacies. What I have learned from these forums is that women's experiences with pregnancy and birth often do not fit the mold of the medical canon. With my c-section, for example, my scar was numb for a long time (still is, actually). My doctor, while a fantastic OB in many ways, told me that was really super rare, but from what I can gather anecdotally, it's not so rare at all. It is very valuable to share information & if we could talk about c-sections in a non-judgmental, non-birth trauma-related way, I would absolutely support that. 

I wish I would have known about the experience of others, as well. I really wasn't warned about the ins and outs of a c-section. Sure, the OB discussed the major complications like hemorrhages and even possible burns from the laser cauterization tool. Did he tell me about the possibility of nerve damage? No. Scar tissue that might cause pain? No. That I might have pain for much longer than the 6 weeks they mentioned? Not at all. Did he tell me that pulling my uterus outside of my body might damage my round ligaments enough that my uterus is now completely slung to the right? (The side the OB was on, I might add. It is still completely to the right even at 21 weeks.) I also didn't realize that I would have a shelf of skin from the scar being more firm than the surrounding skin. Sure, that isn't a serious complication, but it was hard for me to accept, and still is an issue for me. I made the decision at the time that I felt was the best, but I really wish I could have spoken to other mothers and read their stories first. Heck, had I discovered Mothering back then, things may have been much different. I know that an RCS is a possibility this time, even though I am planning a VBAC. I'd like have the best birth possible, but be prepared just in case.

[Amylcd]

I would like to see a csection forum here also.

[~Adorkable~]

i did not have a c-section ,but as a mom that was preggo with  twins and facing some issues in the end, i needed to learn and understand how t ovoid one and what to do to minimize issues if i could not avoid one.  it would have been really helpful to have a good open area to have these talks. 

i do not believe that it should be a social group, i feel strongly that to make it one is to push those that have had one into a preverbal dark corner. and the social groups do not invite casual conversation that is needed for learning.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by Annie Mac 

With my c-section, for example, my scar was numb for a long time (still is, actually). My doctor, while a fantastic OB in many ways, told me that was really super rare, but from what I can gather anecdotally, it's not so rare at all.

To be honest, over the years, I've gathered the impression that most OBs really have no idea what the common long-term effects are. They're not in the research, and a lot of people don't even mention them to their doctors. I've been told that my awful gas post c-section was because I was eating too many carbs (I often do, but I wasn't), because "c-sections can't cause that".

Scar numbness is very, very common. If we're talking about just the scar line itself, I'd say it's probably the most common after effect of c-sections (I haven't talked to anybody who didn't have it, for at least the first year, and usually much longer). I had my second c-section 10 years after my first, and I still had numbness at the scar line and for about a millimetre above and below. I don't think that's uncommon. On the more extreme, and rare, end...after my third c-section, I lost all clitoral sensation for almost a year. That was in addition to abdominal numbness that ranged from my navel all to my side, all the way down to my scar, on the left side, and the loss of...somewhere over 50% of sensation in my vagina, and lots of numbness throughout the rest of my pelvis. I never even mentioned it to my doctor, because I wasn't up to having that conversation. (It has occurred to me that I might tell her and my usual GP - husband and wife team - just so they realize it can happen, even though it was years ago.)

The numbness from that third section never did go away completely, at least in my abdomen and part of my pelvis (I did get clitoral and vaginal sensation back, luckily for me, dh and our sex life). My fifth, and last, section was almost 2.5 years ago. My scar line, and about 3/4" above and 1/4" or so below, is still numb.

[McGucks]

Storm Bride--thanks for sharing all that.  I am 19 months out from my c-section and I can FINALLY wear jeans that don't feel all weird from under my belly button to my pubic bone.  That c-section stuff is no joke.  I thought I was just a super-slow healer, but maybe I'm normal (aaahhh, that'd be a first!).

I liked what you said regarding folks likely not sharing the after-effects with their OB.  Other than my post-op check-up, I haven't seen her, so yeah...she wouldn't know.  Never thought about it.

[hildare]

so any word from the admins? 

[Cynthia Mosher]

We have an admin meeting today and plan to discuss it.

[Adaline'sMama]

So, I didnt have a section, and hopefully wont have to have one this time, but I just wanted to weigh in and say that I dont think it should be a social group. So far, social groups have proven to be pretty hidden. I think it should be in the Birth and Beyond section, since it is the way that so many women (33%, in the USA) are giving birth to their children.

[parsley]

I'd like to chime in that I'd love to see this as a regular forum.  It's important to mothers who are planning their birth plans, thinking through pregnancy complications, recovering from their labors, and thinking about family planning.  

I think a social group would just be composed of people who have had c-sections, not the full range of people affected by this issue. 

[Honey693]

Originally Posted by Cynthia Mosher 

We have an admin meeting today and plan to discuss it.

and?

[Michelle Renee]

OMG what she said.

Seriously.   I am desperately trying to wrap my head around wanting a third baby and if I was able to do this - I would not make a good VBAC for SO many reasons.   But -my csec was so traumatizing.   If I was pregnant, who would I get to talk to in my DDC about how to prepare for a RCS?  Who would not tell me how I should be  having a vbac.  How do I learn emotionally to accept it?   I have no place here for that.

Originally Posted by amma_mama 

 

My whole pregnancy and birth experience was not what I had hoped for or planned. I ended up with severe pre-term labor and was on strict bed rest for a good chunk of my pregnancy, then ended up with an emergency c-section, which the docs were actually trying to AVOID due to my condition. But it was what it was. Despite all of it, I consider both my pregnancy and the birth of my DD one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

I have pretty much avoided the Birth forums at MDC, as I did not have the "right" kind of birth experience. I did not want to "mourn" the loss of my perfect birth, nor feel traumatized. It is like MDC wants people like me to end up with PPD because I did not have a fantabulous homebirth or UC experience. That I was wronged on some level. How can/why should the safe birth of my daughter be regretful?  Instead, I was, and still am, thankful that I had a safe option for delivering my DD into this world.  If I had to turn back time, I would never have CHOSEN a c-section, but that is what it had to be to bring my precious DD into the world. I chose her life, and put my own at risk, over the ideal birth experience.

It would be nice to have a place on MDC to share my experience, without pity or judgment.