I have a really big problem with focus, organization, and consistency. So you can probably imagine I am having trouble disciplining my kids since I can't even discipline myself. I am so inconstant as a person that routine and I do not belong in the same sentence. Because of this it is so hard for me to get my kids into any kind of routine or ritual in terms of having table manners, listening to me when I tell them to pick up, going to sleep, etc. I can't deal with it in a consistent manner because I have a really hard time focusing on them, half the time I am avoiding the confrontation of them negotiating with me. They don't do what I ask, then I yell. I tell them to do something, they don't listen, I let it go sometimes and sometimes I randomly blow up. So basically a day with me involves little structure, inconsistent discipline, and random mama rage. :(
I am also very confused about discipline because I was raised with no example of discipline and have been trying to do non punitive parenting and all of that, but I do expect my children to obey me, have respect and manners. So lately when they are not respecting me or not having manners I get all authoritarian on them. But not in a consistent way :( I don't want to be an authoritarian or be punitive, but I do need my kids to respect me and be well behaved.I also need this to happen before I myself starting losing it and yelling or getting punitive.
The kids are 4 and 2, the older one is so difficult to deal with. Her personality is sensitive, difficult, unpredictable. Most of these problems are between her and me, the 2 year old is actually very well tempered and obedient. I never did sleep training with her and now she can't fall asleep with out me in the same room. So most nights getting the kids to bed involves yelling at them until they stop talking. I wish I could just read the stories and leave the room so I don't get so frustrated, but my daughter can't take it. She won't stay in her room to fall asleep if I'm not there. I have always been under such stress, I blamed my parenting difficulties on that. Now I am still under some stress but not an uber amount of stress like I was. So I think it is not the stress, it is just me. And I feel like I am failing my children. I live in a place with no family near by, no in laws, no husband. The kids father is in town but he is a very manipulative and unhealthy person. I don't think the kids are better off with him. So they don't have a whole lot of positive influences in their life besides my friends. They do go to preschool which seems good, but it doesn't replace having a good mother and family. So here I am facing reality that I am a crappy mother and I don't have many options of having the kids exposed to better influences. Where do I go from here? Does any one have advice on dealing with an very difficult child? Rage? Becoming more consistent? Getting kids to obey you before you go into a rage?
I know this involves a lot of other issues like GP, but I posted in personal growth, because I don't think the problem is just needing discipline advice, the problem is me.