Okay, so I just need someone to tell me if this seems fair. Some days I feel like I do so much more than DH, but some days I'm sure he feels the same way about his job. DH has a labor intensive job, works anywhere from 50-80 hrs a week, and never has time to get enough sleep..he usually gets 5-6 hours a night or so. He like me, needs down time before bed, and will spend an hour winding down rather than take that hour to get more sleep. On his light weeks(50 hours) he helps out with the kids at night, but I always do the dishes, make dinner, and get at least one kid down for the night. I also make his lunches for him(most of the time..if I don't get around to it, he buys it). It's important to me to cook from scratch most of the time, but he could care less, lol. So, I put this as a high priority and spend a lot of time in the kitchen. I am also dealing with gluten/dairy free diet for most of the family. I help run a food co-op where we buy our meat, veggies, fruit, eggs, and some dry goods, and meal plan which takes a lot of work. I do all the housework, laundry and some yard work(water outdoor plants, tend to the garden). He is responsible for getting the trash to the curb, and taking care of the lawn,which if he doesn't have time for in a week, just gets abandoned alltogether, and picking up after himself. The thing is though, if he's not at work, busting his *ss, he's home trying to catch up on sleep, or relaxing (I don't blame him, I'd do the same) and playing with the kids, but it gets tiring being the only one doing everything around the house, without a real "break." This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't then on top of all that start several projects, and never have time to finish them, which just drives me crazy, but again I knew this about him when we met, I just figured once we had kids and got busier, he'd stop, since he woudn't have time. I know this is a direct result of his ADD, and he is medicated for it(he takes it during the week but takes a break on the weekend which I'm sure is how all these projects come about). So basically, during the week, he's gone almost all day, and rarely sees his kids, and by the weekend, he's exhausted, and has a mountain of projects to finish, but no energy to finish them, but also wants to spend time with us, and doesn't help out with the chores because he's too tired. Sunday we have church, and are actively involved, so that takes up about half the day. The other half is spent napping, or watching TV and vegging out(which I partake in as well). Does this seem balanced for the situation we're in? I generally get time to myself when DH is working late, and the kids are in bed, and I'm at my moms house at least once, usually twice a week, so I get help there, but I still often feel like I just can't get on top of all the work I do. I'm also in charge of paying the bills and keeping track of the expenses(which I'm glad for! DH is spendy)
Now, my day involves getting up with the kids, making all the meals, cleaning, making sure 3 year old DS has something entertaining to do besides watch tv, taking care of the 5 month old and all that entails(nursing, diapers, you know the drill), pottytraining, finding a few minutes to myself, running all the errands(which I actually enjoy doing most of the time). I usually get enough sleep because DD sleeps through the night, so I'm well rested most of the time, which makes it much easier to get every thing done during the day. I also have the option of sitting down whenever I want and veg out at least for a few minutes, before getting up to do something else. To him, this might sound easy, but we all know that it's not all sunshine and roses right!? Also, if I'm too tired to do the chores of the day, I don't do them and wait for another day. DH also doesn't care that much about a clean house, so if the bathroom gets put off for days, he doesn't bug me about it. That said, I wouldn't want to do what he does all day either, and then try and balance family time as well. So, my questions is, should I expect him to help out more, or is he doing enough!?