anyone else not seen a dr./midwife yet? « Back to Group Discussions

[polishprinsezz]

i should be about 14 weeks at the beginning of next week. so far i feel pretty good, maybe even a little better now. this is baby no. 5. for us. i would like to see a midwife by thanksgiving. i need to apply for medicaid too. i just moved to this state a few months back. ii believe i will go with a midwife again and maybe a birthing center too but i really want my tubes tied. i am ready to be done with this phase in my life as i am 38. i dont want any little surprises in my 40's. i would consider doing a UC{ my mom did with her last at my age) i know i could not relax with the toddlers i have at home already plus i want to get fixed. i also dont plan to announc to the family we are expecting til the holidays. i know the tongues are gonna wag!

[Just1More]

I haven't been yet either.  I don't want to.  I just like letting things just be.  I keep a better eye on myself health-wise, but mostly just want to live the next 9 months.

But, I am going next week to interview a midwife.  I don't know if I'm going to go with them or my one from last time, though.

[Kamiro]

I have interviewed and decided, but no formal check up at this point yet, First week of november :)

[LuNaLu]

I'm 11 weeks today and haven't seen anyone yet.  But I've emailed back and forth with my midwife a couple times and our first appointment is actually scheduled for tomorrow :)

[JynxGirl]

Other than my family doctor and my diabetes educators (who I seriously wish would SHUT UP about my being high risk and needing a c-section because of my diabetes...) I haven't seen anyone yet.

My first OB appointment is on the 7th, and we'll see how this goes. I don't know anyone in this town, and I have no idea what this doctor will be like when I tell him what our plans are. (No testing, no c-section, no medication, no induction, no interventions...) We're just not going to mention the part about the home birth, because it'll be shot down immediately because of my diabetes. I'm actually a little scared to go, because I have to do it by myself. 

An OB is the one who cut part of my daughter's ear off. An OB is the one who scared me into a C-section after 4 days of early labor. An OB is the one who told me that I caused all of my newborn's problems, when in reality, it was his orders that burst a hole in her lung, and his orders that ended up with her being transferred to Sick Kids in Toronto.

Wait, did I go off on a rant??? sorry.

You're not alone. I haven't seen an OB or a midwife either...

[samIam86]

Cut off part of your daughters ear? WTH That just sounds horrible.

I was supposed to go to my midwife last week but there were two women in labor and they asked me to come in a different day. Im in so rush so I changed my appt to Halloween. Ill be 11 weeks on saturday.

[JynxGirl]

Originally Posted by samIam86 

Cut off part of your daughters ear? WTH That just sounds horrible.

I was supposed to go to my midwife last week but there were two women in labor and they asked me to come in a different day. Im in so rush so I changed my appt to Halloween. Ill be 11 weeks on saturday.

She was allegedly breech, but when she was born, the doctor somehow sliced a small part of her ear off. Now we make (dark, horrible) jokes about how she's a half-elf, because one of her ears is pointed due to the way it healed. 

To this day, I have no idea how that is possible if her bum was what was presenting.

[samIam86]

Maybe Im just a weirdo but I think the elf jokes seem cute.

[preggo1]

Were going to be moving in a few weeks (out of state) so were just waiting to get everything set up there rather then start here. 

I am 9 weeks .. so it will work out well! :) 

I was really tempted to maybe go in and hear the heart (this is our first!) ...but I read so many different things about some people couldn't hear the heart at this time... and I didn't want to freak myself out if we didn't .. so we'll just wait! 

[JynxGirl]

Originally Posted by samIam86 

Maybe Im just a weirdo but I think the elf jokes seem cute.

LOL So do I. I'm careful to make sure it's not done in a mocking or mean way, especially in front of her. But we're all (we being my group of friends) roleplaying game fanatics, and so cracks about half-elves just kind of make sense to us. There's actually a game called Munchkin where the half-elf card is a depiction of a guy with one human and one pointed elf ear. The funny part is that it really does look like my little girl.... 0_o 

Thanks for helping me feel less awkward about it, because sometimes I feel like it's unintentionally mean.

[Kamiro]

Nah, I think the elf jokes are cute also. What a horrible thing to happen to your daughter though! Were all of those things done by the same OB or different ones?

Are you going to try to homebirth?

[sarahlynne]

I am 13 weeks and haven't seen anyone yet either.  Tuesday I have a pre-admit appointment (CNM practice in hospital) and I should meet one of the midwives mid November.  I was only anxious to get in right away with my first pregnancy - my second I waited until 16 weeks and the nurse was all shocked that it was my first appointment.  If there are medical issues that a person needs care/advice for I see why early appointments are good, but I don't have any, I am going to refuse just about all the testing they will want to do and I can read whatever I need to know on my own and I never look forward to having an exam so, what's the point, really? (for me, like i mentioned there are reasons to go in early, I just never felt the need myself)  Honestly if it weren't for the opportunity to hear the heartbeat I would wait even longer

[JynxGirl]

They were all done by the same OB who delivered her. She was breech and I was told that the ultrasound showed she weighed at least 10lbs. I was a terrified kid of 21 who had no birth support thanks to the SARS shutdown of the hospital. 

So the doctor waited until I was in the middle of a contraction and told me that if my baby's head got stuck, they would have to cut her head off to save my life, and if a vaginal birth meant that much to me, so be it. I relented to the c-section and then all heck broke loose. (She was born at 5lbs 15oz, and how to cut part of a breech baby's ear off?) When she stopped breathing, the nurses called the OB back and he put her on a CPAP, but I guess didn't regulate the pressure, because it burst a hole in her lung causing her to need intubation. She was born on Canada Day, so I guess the pediatrician wasn't in the building?? All I remember is it being a total nightmare.

I am still debating. I want a homebirth more than anything you can possibly imagine (next to a healthy baby...) however... I'm diabetic and on insulin which means Ontario midwives won't touch me with a ten foot pole (they can lose their license just for talking to me), and that would mean an unassisted childbirth. For the most part, I am okay with that idea. Though some days I have some serious doubts. I've had 8 miscarriages, and I really want everything to go smoothly. Sometimes I think my fear jumps up and bites me just to remind me who's boss. :P

[Kamiro]

Oh my goodness Jynxgirl. Honestly, how awful.

I don't even know what I could suggest for you :( You're diabetic and on insulin, but if carefully monitored during birth (blood sugar level) couldn't that be worked around? You live close to the WA border? Perhaps you could find an american midwife 'friend' to visit you?

The likelihood of your birth being as disasterous this second time around would be a pretty small chance, I would hope. So perhaps just make sure your doctor is aware of how bad the last experience was and how  traumatic to the babe and yourself?

I can see where you'd feel stuck at. All your options have the smell of 'sucks' around them.

Originally Posted by JynxGirl 

They were all done by the same OB who delivered her. She was breech and I was told that the ultrasound showed she weighed at least 10lbs. I was a terrified kid of 21 who had no birth support thanks to the SARS shutdown of the hospital. 

So the doctor waited until I was in the middle of a contraction and told me that if my baby's head got stuck, they would have to cut her head off to save my life, and if a vaginal birth meant that much to me, so be it. I relented to the c-section and then all heck broke loose. (She was born at 5lbs 15oz, and how to cut part of a breech baby's ear off?) When she stopped breathing, the nurses called the OB back and he put her on a CPAP, but I guess didn't regulate the pressure, because it burst a hole in her lung causing her to need intubation. She was born on Canada Day, so I guess the pediatrician wasn't in the building?? All I remember is it being a total nightmare.

I am still debating. I want a homebirth more than anything you can possibly imagine (next to a healthy baby...) however... I'm diabetic and on insulin which means Ontario midwives won't touch me with a ten foot pole (they can lose their license just for talking to me), and that would mean an unassisted childbirth. For the most part, I am okay with that idea. Though some days I have some serious doubts. I've had 8 miscarriages, and I really want everything to go smoothly. Sometimes I think my fear jumps up and bites me just to remind me who's boss. :P

[layne]

I totally relate to this.  Homebirths were never an option for me because of health stuff (really complicated but potentially life-threatening during labor) but then my first was born by emergency classical c-section, so vbacs were totally out of the question as well.  My second c-section was attended by an amazing midwife as well as the surgeons, though, and it was a gorgeous experience.  She stroked my hand and talked me through it, made sure the hospital staff respected my wishes in handling my son, and then used an extra sheet to tie him to my chest as soon as I was sewn up and able to hold him, so that we could nurse and bond in the first hour instead of waiting 12 hours for the epidural to wear off.  This was in Germany, so I'm not sure how open the hospitals here will be to my asking for the same this time.  I think I have gotten comfortable enough with conflict to fight off anyone who tries to carry my baby away again this time, though, so I WILL NOT wait until my child is a day old to hold her like with my first (I was told I was too sick to go to the NICU and she was too premature to come to me and that I had to wait until the doctors could be consulted, etc., and it was hell.).  I guess my point is, even if a hospital birth is a necessity, it does not have to be horrible or traumatic.  Make sure you have someone who really gets your fears and wishes and can advocate for you.  If possible, try to find a midwife willing to hang around even in the case of a caesarean. 

Originally Posted by JynxGirl 

I am still debating. I want a homebirth more than anything you can possibly imagine (next to a healthy baby...) however... I'm diabetic and on insulin which means Ontario midwives won't touch me with a ten foot pole (they can lose their license just for talking to me), and that would mean an unassisted childbirth. For the most part, I am okay with that idea. Though some days I have some serious doubts. I've had 8 miscarriages, and I really want everything to go smoothly. Sometimes I think my fear jumps up and bites me just to remind me who's boss. :P

[Astraia]

Originally Posted by JynxGirl 

They were all done by the same OB who delivered her. She was breech and I was told that the ultrasound showed she weighed at least 10lbs. I was a terrified kid of 21 who had no birth support thanks to the SARS shutdown of the hospital. 

So the doctor waited until I was in the middle of a contraction and told me that if my baby's head got stuck, they would have to cut her head off to save my life, and if a vaginal birth meant that much to me, so be it. I relented to the c-section and then all heck broke loose. (She was born at 5lbs 15oz, and how to cut part of a breech baby's ear off?) When she stopped breathing, the nurses called the OB back and he put her on a CPAP, but I guess didn't regulate the pressure, because it burst a hole in her lung causing her to need intubation. She was born on Canada Day, so I guess the pediatrician wasn't in the building?? All I remember is it being a total nightmare.

I am still debating. I want a homebirth more than anything you can possibly imagine (next to a healthy baby...) however... I'm diabetic and on insulin which means Ontario midwives won't touch me with a ten foot pole (they can lose their license just for talking to me), and that would mean an unassisted childbirth. For the most part, I am okay with that idea. Though some days I have some serious doubts. I've had 8 miscarriages, and I really want everything to go smoothly. Sometimes I think my fear jumps up and bites me just to remind me who's boss. :P

Wow. That's so unbelievably terrible, I'm so sorry for everything you and your daughter had to go through.

I agree with onemore- the chances of things going so horribly wrong twice are pretty slim, although I'd be awfully hesitant to take the chance if I had any other options. And an American midwife might be the way to go, if you can find one. Or an Ontario midwife who'd take you off the books, illegal-like (there ARE some like that, though heaven knows how you'd find one). If you have the ability to "interview" ob's and  find one the most likely to let you birth the way you want to. There are some awesome hands-off pro-natural OB's out there, maybe someone has a recommendation? Try posting in the My Tribe section and see if it gets you anywhere.

Having some awesome labour support- a doula (some midwives nightlight as doulas, you could ask about that too) who knows her stuff might make the difference between you getting pushed around and having the attending follow your wishes.

For UC- we UC'd because we had no other options but a hospital and whoever happened to be on call that day. We left all our options open, knew how to get to the hospital and had emergency phone numbers ready, bags packed so we could book it if we need to. At home we had a pool, chux, towels, a doppler (that we never used)- a full birth kit- but fully intended that with the first contraction we might be in the car on the way there but we had everything planned and ready to happen at home if that's what we felt was best at the time. You can have multiple plans on what to do and make the decision as you need to- every minute is a decision, stay or go? Call or not? You have lots of time to read and prepare if you feel like it's something you are wanting to do, and lots of time to change your mind.

[KM84]

Oh geez, what a horrible experience JynxGirl. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Is there any chance you could find a CNM in your area who does both homebirth and hospital birth? It's always hard in a new area, but we actually found ours through recommendations on MDC. We're planning a hospital birth with the midwife, she has a hospital she likes to work out of which is "pretty good at leaving us alone unless we ask for help." I personally am too much of a worrier for a homebirth, I would NOT be more relaxed in my home, but I like that the person we're working with has attended hundreds of homebirths.

[JynxGirl]

Originally Posted by Astraia 

For UC- we UC'd because we had no other options but a hospital and whoever happened to be on call that day. We left all our options open, knew how to get to the hospital and had emergency phone numbers ready, bags packed so we could book it if we need to. At home we had a pool, chux, towels, a doppler (that we never used)- a full birth kit- but fully intended that with the first contraction we might be in the car on the way there but we had everything planned and ready to happen at home if that's what we felt was best at the time. You can have multiple plans on what to do and make the decision as you need to- every minute is a decision, stay or go? Call or not? You have lots of time to read and prepare if you feel like it's something you are wanting to do, and lots of time to change your mind.

Honestly, we're preparing for a UC. If we get harassed or bothered by anyone about it, we'll just say "We didn't make it in time". The only addition to what you had on hand would be that I will have a sterile lancet or three (not a bother since I currently have 400 of them in my cupboard!) on hand to test baby's blood sugar, and possibly some stashed colostrum if I can manage to pump any out before I go into labor in case the little one's sugar crashed. I have  been researching diabetics who have had home births, but the stats just aren't there. It feels like every woman with any kind of diabetes ends up having a C-section. I'm still trying to find a good outcome for a diabetic who gets pregnant.

[JynxGirl]

Originally Posted by KM84 

Oh geez, what a horrible experience JynxGirl. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Is there any chance you could find a CNM in your area who does both homebirth and hospital birth? It's always hard in a new area, but we actually found ours through recommendations on MDC. We're planning a hospital birth with the midwife, she has a hospital she likes to work out of which is "pretty good at leaving us alone unless we ask for help." I personally am too much of a worrier for a homebirth, I would NOT be more relaxed in my home, but I like that the person we're working with has attended hundreds of homebirths.

The midwives won't see me at all because of my diabetes. Apparently in Ontario it's just not allowed. When I had my daughter, the midwives were all about recommending a lay midwife to me. My husband at the time vetoed it because he was really uncomfortable with the idea of paying $400 for (as he put it) "Not a doctor" to deliver our daughter.

I'm kind of stuck with "high risk OB/GYN" or nothing. 

[lia_joy]

I'm about 7 weeks & don't plan to see my midwives til much later if at all. this is my third UC and I'm planning unassisted prenatal, too, but for my other pregnancies I had professional prenatal care, so i'm leaving the possibilities open to what feels right as I get further along.  I have been feeling exceptionally sick this time around, so if I have concerns about getting proper nutrition, I may end up making an appointment earlier.