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IVF Graduates thread!! - Page 4

post #61 of 2761

Renavoo, ugh, I hear you on the spotting.  I'm glad the nurse didn't seem to be too concerned (they must see that a lot) but still, I wish it wasn't happening for you!  You don't need that, on top of a crazy day at work.  I hope you are home now and relaxing.  And that your day tomorrow is much better-- no spotting, no bad heartburn and nausea.  Keep us posted.hug2.gif

post #62 of 2761

Blue, thanks for asking... I've been feeling really exhausted, and have had some nausea.  I was also really grumpy yesterday with my DH about household things (feeling overwhelmed and tired and like I'm never going to keep up with things).  I hardly ever get moody, so it really bothers me... Anyway, I'm hoping some of that will ease up soon, and I'm thinking that finishing up the prometrium and estrace this Sunday will help with that.  It's a lot of different going through this pregnancy than with my DS, that's for sure.  In a lot of ways, actually.  We've got our first midwife appointment on the 25th, and then a couple days after that we have the NT scan.  I'm feeling less anxious the closer I get to 12 weeks... except when I read about how a couple of people in the June DDC have sadly experienced m/c around the 10 week mark... hopefully the NT scan will bring good news, too.  How are you doing?  I've got everything crossed for you!  I hope Abby is being a good girl, and keeping you busy (but not in a crazy way, by jumping around and stuff!).

post #63 of 2761
Thread Starter 

Rena, I'm sorry about the spotting, for some reason spotting is really common on IVF pregnancies hopefully it will go away soon.

 

Here are a couple of pics of my little monsters from the u/s

 

little girl

 

lucia24.jpg

 

little boy

 

ollie24.jpg

 

 

post #64 of 2761

Keria, AWWWWW!!! Hey, did you name the babies yet? It's so exciting to see their image! I'm so happy we live in this age where we can do this. Imagine if we lived in an age or place where we couldn't do this and we had no idea about anything until they popped out at 40 weeks!!

 

Tenzins, ugh, yeah I totally get what you mean about the moodiness. the worst part is that I'm moody to everyone, including my boss! i probably need to tell him sooner than later. It's just that work is really stressful and I'm not feeling like my boss is running things well. He's in this mindset of doing extra work for clients who didn't ask for the work. That wouldn't be too bad if it wasn't for the fact that I have multiple clients and I'm trying to not push myself as hard. I'm lucky I'm really efficient because I feel like if I wasn't, I'd have trouble coming home at all! haha when i do come home, i don't do ANY household stuff. The place is getting really messy. I've decided, though, that things can hold off until I feel better because i usually come home and just crash. Luckily DH doesn't mind and in fact, he's picked up the slack, doing the grocery shopping and the laundry and once in a while, he'll even clean!

 

Belly, I take endometrin three time a day too. And yes, a lot leaks out. I've gotten quite used to panty liners. Wow, you're taking a lot of progesterone!! Don't worry, you're getting enough so it'll be ok. I think the symptoms just come and go...they have for me. A lot! So I am sure you're ok. But invest in panty liners...you're going to need them. haha i take estrace as well so blue discharge is the norm. Ah, December 3rd is when i get to stop and i'm really excited about that day!

 

Kewpie, how are you doing and feeling?

 

 

 

post #65 of 2761

Renavoo, I am exactly 2 weeks behind you so I hope to be off all my drugs mid December!!!  I can't wait either!!  I just want this baby(ies) to be safe in there!   My progesterone on Monday was 50+ and yesterday was 100+ so I definitely think I am getting enough!!!  I wonder if they will have me reduce it next week when I go in for my final beta/progesterone/E2 test?  I hope so, because I think most of my nausea is from that.

 

Keira, what beautiful babies!!!!  I can't wait to see their "real" pictures next year!

 

Kewpie, is your next 3D ultrasound next week?  Can't wait to see those photos too!

 

Tenzi, I have been reading WAY too much information on miscarriages, I think it's best not to think about it much at all!  I think the NT scan will really set your mind at ease and hopefully a heartbeat will help me :)

 

AFM, I really let the house go to crap this week since I have been so nervous about all the blood tests!  I better try to get some cleaning done today!  Oh and my MIL is coming over again so I might sneak to Starbucks while she watches DD and have a hot chocolate or apple cider and read a book....doesn't that sound like a wonderful "break".  

post #66 of 2761

So along with my AFM, I guess I should ask how much caffiene (if any) you guys are still drinking.  I read under 150mg is okay.  Some days I go without any and some days I have 50-75mg.  With my DD, I had about 50mg/day and although everything is fine, I am a lot more nervous this time and don't want to take any chances...what do you guys think/do?

post #67 of 2761

renavoo - I'm feeling...ok. Liam (if he's still on my left) has learned a new trick.  He is big enough now that when he stretches out, he can press his feet against my rib cage and his head is RIGHT against my cervix and he's learned that he can stretch and press against both at once.  It's very ouchy!  He's been at it for a day and a half now and I'm starting to feel bruised. I told him last night that I'm very proud of him for being so big and tall, but to please knock it off!. haha  With his head right where it is and since he's dropped slightly, I feel like I have a shotput ball in my vagina.  I'm definitely waddling these days.  

 

Belly - Yeah, my 3D is this monday!  Woohoo!

 

As for the caffeine, I'm not much of caffeine person, so I really haven't changed anything.  I drink maybe 1-2 cups of coffee per week and it's decaff maybe half the time.  I don't drink hardly any soda while pregnant (trying to keep blood sugar in check) and when I do, it's caffeine free diet coke.  That I limit to 2-3 per week cause of the aspertame.  I'm not a big chocolate person either.  I do enjoy it, but I don't crave it.  If I did drink more caffeine, I would keep it to one single 8oz-10oz cup per day.  I have no idea how many mgs are in that amount, though.  Tea hasn't appealed to me at all while pregnant. 

 

Keria - Awww what cute baby pics!!

post #68 of 2761

Grrrrrr.... i just typed a whole message w/ personal to everyone and now it is gone b/c i accidentally hit something.  Here we go again....

 

Tenzi - I've only had the one big U/S with our boys where they do the gender/bone length/organ check so I guess I'm not sure what a NT?  Abby is being pretty good and only wimpers if she does something she shouldn't like jump.  Hard to believe how well she is acting after having all 3 of those things done on Monday (spay, hernia repair and tooth pulled).

 

Keria - Love the u/s pics!!  It will be so cool to see your 3D ones.  You really can see more distinct features of their faces which is really fun.

 

Renavoo - Did the spotting stop?  I sure hope so.  Take it easy if you can!!  I probably would tell your boss and just make sure he will keep it in confidence maybe so that way he knows not to over-load you!!  I kinda had to tell my boss when i got pregnant b/c of all the heavy lifting i have to do at work.. thankfully so of my co-workers were good friends so i totally trusted them.  I know you are on the vaginal estrace like and i have a TMI question for you... do you have an easy way to get it up in there?  Every night when i do it it seem kinda dry which makes it hard to get it up high enough in there.  Any tricks?

 

Kewpie - ooochhh! That doesn't feel good at all i'm sure.  Our boys never got that big ( 1 was 1lb 3oz and the other 1lb 2oz when born) but i remember that strange feeling of them moving around and kicking me in the ribs.  I'm so glad to hear that your test came back saying you weren't going into labor for a little bit.  You are doing a great job with those babes!!  keep it up!!!  When is your next appt?

 

Belly - I'm not a coffee drinker or pop drinker so i really can't tell you too much about that.  I do like chai tea which i learned the one at starbucks has star anise in it which is really bad for pregnancy and can cause problems so don't drink that!!!  HOw fun though that you can get out and enjoy yourself while your MIL comes over.  Oh about your MIL and your hpt... how would she  not know it was a old left over hpt from your DD??  Maybe if you don't say anything she will just let it pass and not think much about it.  Keep them all guessing!!!!

 

AFM - so hoping to get to join you all here soon!!!  Fingers crossed soooooo hard!! (not that i'm not here now stalking you all but i want to officially fit in)!!!

post #69 of 2761
Thread Starter 

 Rena Yes we named them it's Lucia Carolina and Oliver Matias. I usually talk to them by their names but refer to them as little girl and little boy or girl monster and boy monster lol.I have my u/s pic from 1980 and yeah it sucks. I do wonder what is going to be available  once our kids will have their children.

 

Belly Thanks, I had dreams about them I wonder if they'll look like they do in my dreams. About caffeine I drink the odd cup of tea here and there, I usually don't drink coffee but I did wanted to drink some on the first tri to see if it would give me a little energy.  DH didn't feel comfortable with me even having a tiny cup and it wasn't a big sacrifice so I didn't.

 

Tenzin I was really anxious in the beginning of the pregnancy. We had tons of u/s and that helped and getting good news on the NT sacn helped a lot too.

 

Blue I know after the 3d one the 2ds are a little disappointing but the doc doesn't like to use the 3d much I'll ask him again when can we do another one. I'm rally really hoping you can officially join tomorrow. How miss Abby doing with her bed rest?

post #70 of 2761

Belly, I usually have a hot chocolate and a candy bar (snack size) here and there a day. My nurse said that was ok. I'm lucky that i don't really crave coffee at all (once in a while I liked the taste but it hasn't been difficult to completely forgo it.) So generally, i don't think I get much caffeine intake at all. How are you feeling? i can't wait for your next test!!!

 

Kewpie, umm OW! haha that sound positively painful and definitely not comfortable. It's so odd to think of something growing inside of us. SomeONE I should say!! But I bet you're happy that they are snuggling and VERY SOON, you'll be meeting your babies!

 

Blue, THINKING OF YOU TODAY AND I can't wait until you JOIN us!!!!

 

Keria, what beautiful names! How are you feeling? haha i love that you call them little boy/girl monsters. that's really cute.

 

 Oh Blue, yes the spotting has stopped so all is good. I can't wait to be off of endometrin and estrace. By the way, for estrace, I literally just use my index finger and push it up there. For one of the doses, I take it with endometrin so I use the endometrin applicator to get both in there but generally, I just push it as far as possible. I'm lucky though...I have long fingers so I can get some reach. Don't worry too much...my nurse says they dissolve fairly quickly so as long as they are there for a little while, you're ok! As for dryness, perhaps you can try to wet your fingers a little? that might counteract the dryness. I'm "lucky" on that account too because endometrin dissolves and always leaves a slickness (yes, tmi and believe me, it's not fun!)

 

Tenzin, that brings me to how jealous i am that you're pretty much done with the endometrin and estrogen!! haha. How are you doing?

 

big hugs, ladies!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

post #71 of 2761

renavoo - I'm so glad your spotting has stopped.  I still hold my breath every time I go to the bathroom until I see clean tissue and can relax for another hour...or 15 - 30 minutes lately. orngbiggrin.gif

 

Blue - I am SO hoping this is it for you! My DH is wishing you luck as well.  I tell him about y'all pretty often so he's gotten to know your stories.

 

Keria - gorgeous names!!! I giggled at boy/girl monster too 

 

 

post #72 of 2761

I hope I can remember everything I want to say!

 

Blue, the NT scan is the nuchal translucency scan, where they look at the thickness of the back of the neck-- the thicker it is, they become worried that it might indicate something like Down's.  They combine these findings along with the results of bloodwork that you get done before the scan, and they can give you a number which is a likelihood of the baby having something.  It only measures for a few certain syndromes, and certainly there can be issues with false results.  But, it can take someone like me who because of my age would be given a much higher incidence of having a baby with Down's or whatever, based on age alone... but then give me a more 'accurate' reading of what my individual likelihood is.  It can be really reassuring, since everything you read in the literature about having babies when you are older can scare the heck out of you...  Good luck today, I'm hoping and praying for you!

 

Belly, I used to have one cup of coffee a day and then I ate chocolate quite regularly.  About a 1.5 months before I began my IVF cycle I switched to decaf, and made it a smaller cup than ever before.  Now, since I've had nausea since my 7th week, I don't have much of the decaf, and I seemed to have turned off of chocolate.  So mostly now I just drink tea.  Even with that, there are so many different things out there that says that one tea is okay to drink and then you turn around and you read otherwise... it's frustrating.  I just stick to rooibos.  I'm a worrywart for the first trimester, so I'm glad that I've kind of developed aversions to the caffeine containing things... but even if I hadn't developed that, I would have chosen to avoid as much caffeine as possible-- but that's just me, like I said I tend to worry during this time.

 

Keria, I love the names!  Thanks for sharing the pictures, too!  I wanted to ask, what is the thing your doc has with the 3d u/s?  I've never had one, but I was thinking it would be kind of fun to do this time around, but I'm wondering about what your doctor feels about it. 

 

Kewpie, that's got to be uncomfortable!  I remember how uncomfortable it was with my DS, a certain way I sat-- he would push right up against my ribcage, so I had to place towels strategically behind my back so I wouldn't kink myself/slouch and make it worse.  I can't imagine with two in there-- you are getting it from all directions!  By the way, I never did go look at the other site, because I've been so crazily busy with my little guy and so exhausted that I have been able to push some of the anxiety out... and as each week goes by, I'm feeling better.  You must feel so much more relieved, too, as you see the weeks going by and those babies stay in there and continue to grow nice and strong!

 

Renavoo, so glad that the spotting has disappeared.  That must be such a relief for you!  Have you decided about getting a doppler?

 

I have to look back on this thread and see what the information was about purchasing a doppler, passed on from either Kewpie or Keria...

 

 

 

 

post #73 of 2761
Thread Starter 

Tenzin he's just lazy lol, well not really but he says the 3D is just for fun all the measurements and parts counting is done in 2D. So he doesn't do the fun parts every visit just every now and then as a treat.

post #74 of 2761

Hey ladies! I've been reading along, but haven't had much time to participate. My last semester of grad school is in the home stretch so I have a bit more free time and I hope to join in more.

 

Keria - I love the pictures and the names! How exciting!

 

Tenzins and Belly - Congrats if I haven't said so already! Tenzins, do you know how many yet? Belly, when's your first US?

 

Renavoo - YAY TWINS! I just knew it after those betas. Even higher than mine! I agree with Kewpie about the Barbara Luke book. I have to take the nutrition advice with a grain of salt at this point because I'm still so sick and 150g of protein is impossible for me right now. My OB wasn't too worried on that front. I also got a book titled Mothering Multiples by LLL that I would highly recommend.I'm still working through it, but it gives a lot of good tips about what to do once they're born that really helped during my initial "OMG WE'RE HAVING TWINS" panic. I still have panic moments, but less and less. I figure since they're our first babies that it will feel normal to us, you know?

 

Kewpie: I'm just so excited for you and how well your babies are growing! Thanks for responding to my earlier questions about kicking. I'm still not sure I've felt them yet. I feel twinges and stretchy feelings a lot but not what I'd call kicks.

 

AFM: I'll be 18w on Sunday and have an appointment with my OB on Monday for the every 4 weeks visit. He always does a quick ultrasound so we're hoping to find out genders that day! If not then we have an appointment at the hospital the following Monday when I'll be 19w1d for the official anatomy scan at the perinatologist's office. Are y'all twin mamas all seeing a perinatologist regularly? I haven't actually seen him at all - just gone to his office at the hospital for the 12w NT scan and the upcoming anatomy scan. My OB seems to be very relaxed about twins and thinks I should stay on a regular appointment schedule with him unless a complication comes up. I guess that's ok? He does the US at each visit to check the placenta placement (baby A's is a bit low). I haven't had any complications and my blood work and initial blood glucose screening were normal (he checked early since I'm not the most dainty person). My doctor is a bit unusual in that he's a single practice and is known to be the best in town for natural births and VBACs. He routinely does twin vaginal births as long as baby A is head down or able to be turned. If it's a singleton he'll even do a breech delivery for first time moms. He's even done two natural triplet births! So I feel great about him from that standpoint, but want to make sure I'm not missing some sort of crucial monitoring.

 

Other than that, I've been so busy with working full time and finishing school that I haven't had as much time for baby prep as I'd like. My classmates are holding a shower for me on Sunday so I had to throw together a basic registry on Amazon which kicked my butt in gear a bit. But now it's opened Pandora's box in terms of researching breast pumps, car seats, baby carriers, swings, etc. etc. etc. There's so much to learn! We've also begun the great daycare hunt since I'm going back to work once they're 4 months. Care in our area is SO hard to come by - excellent school districts so tons of families with kids. We're currently on 4 wait lists (though a couple of those are likely pipe dreams - once said "maybe when they're 3" !) and are touring a fifth place next Wednesday. That reminds me to continue the pediatrician search. The first one I called has a two year wait list! Don't you have to have a pediatrician lined up before birth?

 

 

post #75 of 2761

bungalow - yup, I see my perinatologist weekly as well as the OB.  I started getting seen by him when I hit 18w and have been going ever since.  They do the growth scans and check the organs at each visit as well as check my cervix length since I'm having trouble with that.  I like seeing them cause their u/s are much longer.  At the OB, it's a quick peek to check for heartbeats and movement and that's it.  

 

For the amount of visits, I stayed on a normal schedule until I hit 18w and then they did double frequency at the OB's office.  When I started having issues at 23w, they started seeing me every week.  If everything looks to be ok, staying on a less rigorous schedule is probably ok.  At least with me, my pregnancy didn't really start to feel different until I got to about 20 weeks, and then I started feeling odd, so I'd call if anything pops up and you don't feel is right.  That's great that he's so good at multiple births!!  That would definitely put me at ease knowing that.

 

For pediatricians, I think it's a good idea to have one set up before birth, but I don't think it's necessary.  I met with our babies' pediatrician this past week and he said that if we haven't for sure decided before they come, the hospital will have one of the drs that is there doing rounds do the first check and then you can either schedule a followup with that same doctor or they can refer you to another one.  

 

 

post #76 of 2761

I've been reading a book that was sent to me by a friend.  It's this one: http://www.amazon.com/Juggling-Twins-Strategies-Pregnancy-Toddler/dp/1402214057/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321039471&sr=8-1 and I really don't like it.  She does have a few useful tips in there, but to be honest, most are pretty common sense.  She has this attitude through the whole thing that if you don't schedule around the clock help for the first few months, you will die.  I'm not kidding about the around the clock help either... she actually suggests having a calendar and making sure every hour even overnight is covered.  Since I have a blind and disabled mother... and no one else for several states, this pretty much made me feel like I'm going to fail right off the bat.  That really irritated me.  Not everyone has tons of friends and family nearby who can drop everything and help.  It would have been so much more useful of a book if she gave practical tips for the parents and not just passing everything on to other people.  

 

Another thing I thought was pretty crappy is she suggests having a diaper party in addition to a regular shower that everyone has to bring diapers to in addition to gifts.  Yes, twins are expensive, but dang that sure is gift grabby in my opinion.  SHe also suggests having multiple crib setups and stuff like bouncy seats on every floor of the house.  Maybe it's just me and my wanting to live a simple life, but it just sounds so excessive.  Is it really that difficult to carry a pair of bouncy seats down stairs? Sure, it's an extra trip, but how often do you do that?  I can see bringing them down in the morning and then taking them back up in the evening... Can you tell this book irritated me and I feel like venting??? shake.gif

 

The last day or two, I've been in a mood... I'm normally very even tempered and not grumpy, but something must be getting to me cause I was just so upset last night and it's carried over to today.  I just sat in my living room last night and cried for no real reason.  The thing that sparked it was DH had come home, spent about 20 minutes with me and then went to go watch tv.  Being alone for hours, including weekends and then get less than 30 minutes of time per day with someone else really wears me down.  I understand his need to wind down after work, but I don't think he truly understands what it feels like to be stuck in bed for months with not a soul to talk to.  There's email, facebook, and forums, but it's not the same as one on one time face to face... I wish I could make him understand how truly lonely it is.  I feel like a caged animal or like I'm in solitary confinement or something.

 

I woke up in pretty good spirits this morning, but I'm getting down as the day goes on.  DH informed me that date night (we just get take out and watch a movie since I'm stuck) will have to be just food and sitting at the table while he goes over a bunch of forms.  He will have to work all weekend again too.  This is the 4th weekend in a row.  Our house has become a wreck cause he is rarely home to clean and I'm not supposed to do it.  I did clean off the dressure yesterday and I loaded the dishawasher cause I just couldn't stand it anymore.  I needed SOMETHING to be clean.  I'm really tempted to hire someone to come in and scrub the place down.  A lady from my old church stopped by this past monday and she asked if she could help, but I told her we're fine.  I've only seen this woman twice in my life and it just felt too weird to ask for help and I was kind of embarrassed at the state of the house even though she knows I'm stuck in bed.  Don't get me wrong, my DH is really trying.... This probably sounds like he's being a complete douche, but he's not.  His job just gets really crazy at the end of the year and he knows he may be on paternity leave at any moment and since he's the Lead on their team, he wants to get as far as he can before leaving.  Him not spending any time with me when he is home is just him not understanding.  I've told him I'm lonely, but he still doesn't quite understand.  

 

Wow... this is turning into a novel... sorry about that.  Just needing to vent, I guess.  I am SO glad to be pregnant and I am SO loving every kick and flutter, but I wish I could find an answer for this emotional loneliness.  I keep telling myself that I have at most 9 weeks left and it's more likely to be 4-5 weeks and then I can do things again.  It still feels like such a long time. 

post #77 of 2761

Kewpie: That book sounds NUTS and like complete overkill to me. I'm not going to have that kind of help at all. My mom works full time and lives an hour away. My MIL might help more, but she drives me absolutely insane and I think I'd prefer to rough it alone. DH has to go on a long work trip two weeks after my due date so I'm already psyching myself up for it. So many people are all alarmist when I say I'm having twins, but they're just babies for goodness sake not 800 lb. gorillas! My grandfather was a twin and was born in 1925. I tell myself that if my great grandmother could handle it back then with no electricity (they lived in the boonies) that I can deal. We are capable of taking care of our babies! They need love more than anything else and that will never be in short supply. Everything else will work itself out.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated. I really feel for you. My life is busy, but I have very few (if any if I'm being really honest) close-by IRL girlfriends to talk about this stuff with. I can only imagine how being on bed rest would amplify the feeling of isolation x 1000. And I completely hear you on having a DH who is swamped with work. Mine was recently promoted, and while I'm so grateful, he spends every single night on the laptop working. In bed, he's going through email on his phone. I had a nesting-related crying freakout a couple nights ago and said I needed help with getting the babies' room cleaned out and ready ASAP and that work would have to wait. So we made a nesting list for the next couple months. It's a start. I try to remember that this is a big transition for my DH too even though I'm the pregnant one. The responsibility of providing for a family is huge, so I try to imagine what he's feeling even though all I want to do is cry about him not cleaning up the basement. My insane hormones are not helping me in the patience department.

 

Feeling this way seems completely normal and in no way implies you aren't thankful for those babies. Yes you're their mama, but you're human first of all and have needs like anyone else. Don't be afraid to ask your DH for what you need to make YOU happy.

 

hug.gif

post #78 of 2761

bungalowmama - I'm trying to keep DH's point of view in perspective as well, but it's easy to forget.  A few years ago, we were moving ourselves about 10 miles away and the night before, DH volunteered to work an extra shift.  I was livid at the time thinking that he was abandoning me to do all the work.  I was angry about it for a long time when he finally told me he did it to make sure we had plenty of money and he figured the money was needed more.  He said we'd get the move done one way or another even if it took a few extra days.  That really hit me that we just had different perspectives on the situation.

 

It's probably the same way now.  He's seeing this as a way to make sure work is set while he's gone and ensuring that he doesn't jeopardize his job or feel the need to check in while on paternity leave.  I'm trying to see it that way, cause I'm pretty sure that's what he's feeling.  I do wish he'd see my side at least a little bit and maybe spend an evening per week just spending time with me (and not watching TV)  I'm all for watching movies and stuff... we actually don't have TV, just netflix, so it's easy to get roped into a show and watch episode after episode, but it doesn't cut it for filling up my social meter.  I need conversation.  I feel like I've been pretty direct in my needs, but maybe I need to be even more blunt and hide the remotes and tell him point blank that I need actual conversation and not just sit together watching something.  

 

I do have 1 friend that lives about an hour away and I know she would come up to spend some time with me, BUT she has 2 young girls (ages 3 and 1) and her kids are not disciplined at all.  The older girl talks back and sasses really badly, so even though I'd get some social time, I'd probably be anxious by the end... not to mention the girls are into EVERYTHING while they are here and I have a huge book collection that is very tempting to little hands.  My friend also has a real problem with badmouthing men.... I hesitate to say men, cause her "husband" is actually transgendered male to female and is in the middle of the change, but she still talks bad about him.  It carries over to my DH and that irritates me. My DH will be an awesome father and is the oldest of 6 kids and has been around kids his whole life.  While that is different than raising one of your own, I know he will pick it up fast and I plan to lean on him a lot since I'm the youngest in my family.  This friend of mine keeps saying that she wants to come down and help me and I can just send DH back to work so he's not underfoot.  I hate confrontation and she's got a very strong personality, so I haven't said anything to her about it yet, but 1, DH will be awesome... 2, I cant stand the way she's raising her kids and don't want her influencing mine, and 3, she'd bring her 2 kids and I dont really want 2 newborns who will potentially be preemies around her 2 kids who are always sick.  I'm dreading that conversation, but it's going to have to come up at some point.  She's a good friend in many other ways otherwise I would just phase her out of my life.

 

man, I've been chatty today...

post #79 of 2761

Bungalow, I'm only having one baby.  I'm glad for that, because at this point I could only handle one, with my DS being a rather 'spirited' little guy!  He's such a fun-loving person, so attuned to what's going on around him, and a big mimic (he likes to pretend cough when he hears someone else doing it, it doesn't matter if it's a stranger on the horse carousel at the amusement park or us!)-- and he's only 15 months!  He hasn't been one of those 'easy' babies you hear about, for example, he screamed most of the time in a car seat and stroller from the time he was about 2 months until 7 months, when suddenly he seemed to enjoy it!  And he hated every single type of baby carrier out there, and being bundled up with blankets, hats and too many clothes.  But we love him dearly, and when we aren't experiencing the challenging moments (right now he's hating having his diaper changed about 80% of the time), we are having a blast because he's such a character.  I think what they say about spirited children, or high needs, is that the very traits that can challenge you turn out to be gifts when they are older.  He's intense with all of his emotions and how he communicates, that's for sure.  Wow, I don't know where you get all your energy from... and I was going to say, your doctor sounds amazing!  Keep us posted on how things go, are you wanting to be told the gender of your babies?

 

Kewpie, don't worry about writing a novel... we are totally hear for you, to listen and support you no matter what mood you are in.  A person can't be in a positive mood all the time, that just wouldn't be 'normal'-- that's what I tell myself when I'm in that situation.  I've been so grumpy these last couple of days, but thankfully today is better.  I think it's important to vent about things that are frustrating you, because I believe it's better to get it out than to keep it bottle up.  It's got to be really, really difficult to be on bed rest for such a long time, and not have a lot of friends or family to help out with various things.  I mean, there's the emotional side of things and then there is the practical stuff that has to get done for daily living.  It's hard enough when you are going through an uncomplicated pregnancy, and when you are surrounded by lots of people you know who you can count on.  When I was reading your post, I was remembering what it was like for me the first year of having my DS.  In the first months, I was going on this incredible high because of going through birth and feeling empowered, transformed, etc.  But then, I started to feel a bit isolated-- my mom and dad live just over an hour's drive away out in the country, and they really don't like the city (in fact, my mom refuses to drive even close to the city limits, because she is so afraid of traffic).  I had a lot of work friends, but I lost touch with most when I quit my job to go to school the year I got pregnant... and I ended up being in school only part time, and didn't feel like I quite connected that deeply with the folks there... my few 'true' friends have kids that are older teens or they don't have kids yet.  The latter, they didn't know what it was like adjusting to parenthood and all that, so they didn't think to even ask to help me out with anything.  (Boy, now do I ever know what to do when someone first has a baby and then that first year!)  My DH is very quiet and doesn't like to socialize much, so any contacts with others would have to be initiated by me... so there I was trying, doing baby groups and stuff trying to make new friends and stuff.  Sometimes, it worked out, and other times, you realize you have different parenting philosophies and that's it.  It was hard because most of the new moms that I met, they wanted to do things like stroller walks and all that, but my DS would cry and scream the whole time so I couldn't do it.  DH's family could have come to help because they live in the same city and not too far away, but I don't feel that close to them and I think for me it was kind of like I didn't want them to see me/us struggling with adjusting and keeping up with things, because my SIL (DH's brother's wife) seems to be so 'together' all around and 'perfect' with her family.  It will be interesting to see what we do this time around, with a new baby and an almost 2 year old... I'll probably find it easier to touch base with that Made by Momma group than ask my in-laws for too much help or confide in them about anything. 

 

Anyway, I'm wondering, how big is the place you live in?  Are there mom's groups for multiples?  I would think that even just having multiples, that you would have an 'easier' time connecting with other parents, because it's not the usual thing, you know?  You would have all of those similar shared experiences, which would make conversations easier to start up and keep going, and then maybe you would find someone you really connect with.  I think mom-to-mom support in real life is so important... our DH's, as typical men, seem to be so hard-wired differently in so many ways, and besides that, they can't possibly know what it's like to carry a baby and give birth, breastfeed, have all of those hormones surging through our systems, and etc.  Even for the household stuff-- just yesterday I was telling my DH that I can't feel at ease when I walk into a room and it's cluttered, and so why doesn't he even notice the dog toys splayed out on the floor and the table covered with mail and crap, etc.  I can't rest easy in my mind when my physical environment seems to be in chaos!  He, on the other hand, can blissfully be unaware if the place doesn't get vacuumed for a week and we have hair balls piling up everywhere (we have two, majorly shedding dogs-- that's a lot of hair!).  Actually, I think that he notices, but it doesn't bother him.  He's so easy-going, which is good in a lot of ways, but still...

 

Would you be open to letting someone from your church come by?  Maybe during a time when you felt that your house was more in order, and she could help with something?  Even if it's seemingly insignficant, it could really help out.  (I actually let a neighbour come in and help us hang pictures and finish off the nursery, 4 months after DS was born-- it felt weird at first but then it felt good!)  Also, can you get someone to come in to do a housetidy?  We bought a bunch of coupons off of Groupon, and we got a good deal on housecleaning for a few months before and after DS came along.  I don't know, maybe you just want to vent and you don't need any suggestions or what-not... Whatever the case, I do hope that your mood is elevated in the days to come.  Hopefully DH will not work as much and you can talk some more of the stuff out... and we're here for you, too!

post #80 of 2761

Thanks for the comisery.  I have to keep this short cause DH will be home with food in a moment, but just wanted to share that when he called to say he was on his way early tonight (hooray!) he told me that he is taking off a week from work not this coming week, but the week after and he plans to egt all the house stuff done and spend time with me.  How's that for timing?

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