5yo self induced tingly feelings

[slippy]

My 5 (almost 6) year old girl has discovered some of the wonderful sensations her body can produce if she crosses her legs really tight and bounces. When I figures out what she was doing, I was really careful, I told her that it is great that her body can feel good, but making yourself feel that way is a private thing, not for anyone else to see. 6 months ago you couldn't really tell what she's doing, but now it's getting more obvious. I don't want her to be embarrassed, or caught in a situation where attention is drawn to her- like at school or family gathering, and I certainly don't want her to think that there's anything wrong with her. When I notice she's doing it in public, I quietly remind her that it's a private activity, but I seem to be reminding her a lot. Anyone else in the same boat, or better yet, come out the other side?

[AdinaL]

Oh, DD hasn't really gotten there yet, but I am subbing to see the answers, because I think we are right around the corner from that type of thing.

[annjo]

I have a 6 y/o daughter. I remember her obviously masturbating at a very young age, like 18 mos--3 yrs, something like that. Pillows were usually involved. I was really not certain what to do, but after doing some investigation I realized that it's not that uncommon. It's very difficult to discuss issues of privacy with a child of that age! That was my biggest concern. I also tried to stress that it's good to feel good about your body, etc. I certainly didn't want her to feel any sense of shame about it. Thankfully, it never became a problem, she mostly stopped doing it after a while. I have occasionally seen her engage in that kind of activity since then, but I think she knows now that it is a "private thing".

I think your approach is a good one.

[delaneymom]

I have a daughter who just turned 7 and we're in the same boat.  It's probably been going on a bit over a year with ups/downs in frequency.  Lately I've had to do a lot of reminding about privacy.  Her teacher told me yesterday that she's also been doing it again at school, which I thought had stopped.  My approach has been very similar to yours-I'm glad your body feels good, but it should be done in private.  And lot of discussions about privacy meaning you're alone.  When it came up yesterday, I also tried to add that she has other work to do at school and that an occasional bathroom break is okay, but 5 times a day for 20 minutes might not be. 

Have you found any books or other resources you've liked to facilitate further conversation?   

Sorry I can't say anything about the other side, but there in the boat with you. :)

Edited by delaneymom - 1/5/12 at 12:32pm

[Ally Nathaniel]

At the same boat :-)

My 4 years old is doing the same. I keep reminding her about the privacy. she likes to cross her legs around a pole at the playground and move as if she's climbing up and down.... it took me a while to notice what she was doing.

I dont see any other way but talking about it and reminding her that it is a private matter.

Ally

[crowcaw]

One of my 6yo twins has been doing this since forever.  I've told her the same as you and she does seem to heed that now.  Though she asks why it's private and I haven't got a great answer that is understandable to her.

[~NewMa~]

glad to see this here!

I'm going through something similar with my almost 4 yo boy.

except....he likes to touch his bum :/

It started when he was "pretending to be a mommy chicken". He found a firm ball and sat on it. I've since thrown the ball away...

He must know it's a private thing because every time I caught him with it he was hiding and seemed embarrassed.

I asked him why he was doing it and he said he didn't know and seemed embarrassed.

I asked him if it was because it feels good and he said yes. 

I reminded him that our bum holes have germs and that we should not be touching them with toys. 

I also told him that if he wants to be touching his privates there's nothing wrong with it but he is right to be doing so in private.

It was a little mortifying to figure out what he was up to.

I was embarrassed to tell his dad but did anyway figuring that he may see this happen at some point and not understand that it is something that has to be handled gently so as not to make him feel shameful or guilty.

thank you for posting this!

It feels good to be able to hear it's common and to be able to get this off my chest :)

It's something I have been embarrassed about for him, hoping that he won't be caught doing something inappropriate by anyone but his mama!

[tooraloora]

My DD started masturbating about a year ago (same age as your DD then), and we basically had the same talk. I won't say we're totally on the other side yet, but we're getting there. I can count on one hand how many times I've had to remind her to do it in private in the last several months, though it was pretty frequent when she first figured out that neat trick. I worried a lot for awhile, because while I fully believe that masturbation is a normal, healthy activity, DD has a tendency to be totally oblivious when it comes to what is and isn't socially acceptable. It took forever just to convince her that when the doorbell rang while she was using the bathroom, she really did have time to pull her pants up before tearing out of the bathroom to see who had arrived.

 

In a way, I think the way she is about such things may be a good thing. I've tried really hard to make sure that never sees shame in her body or natural functions, and she certainly doesn't. She's very comfortable with her body, and she does seem to be getting a stronger grasp of the concept of privacy as she matures. If things continue to head in the same direction, I'm fairly confident she'll end up a young lady comfortable with her sexuality and with a very healthy body image (who doesn't masturbate or run in with her pants about her ankles in front of her mom's friends).

[g-mom]

Has anyone dealt with this issue with boys (besides the one about the bottom)?

And when you tell your kids it is private, does that include not doing anything while they are in a room with a parent, or just not around other people? This all seems like complicated territory and I am starting to have to negotiate it as well. Sometimes it is just a need to pee, though, and it is hard to distinguish, since when asked, he always denies that he needs to pee (even if, a second later, he must rush off to the potty after all...).

[amhancock]

I just posted a new thread about this same issue.  My DD is in kindy and I've been contacted by the teacher and school nurse.  I admit my anxiety over this is growing.  I do not want her to feel shameful, but the constant reminders do not seem to sink in with her.   Glad to know I'm not the only one.  I do hate how the school makes me feel something is "wrong" with her.  

[blueberrystamps]

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for sharing I have a 4 year old almost 5 that we have been dealing with similar things for awhile. I have not wanted to google it because I had no idea how to word it so as not to come up with things I did not want to find. Any way I am just glad to know my kid is not the only one and we are going to keep working on it.