4 year old boy having trouble in Kindergarten

[Kaimamasan]

My 4 year old started JK in September.  His preschool teachers all assured me he was ready, even though I was not sure.

Now, he gets a negative note in his agenda almost every day.  Evidently, he won't settle at quiet time, is touching others (not hitting, but touching), shouts, runs around, and generally acts out of control.  He is defiant with his teacher, and spends a good deal of time in "the thinking chair".  He also shrieks and gets hysterical when things go wrong (i.e. someone takes his truck).  Now the music teacher has written me a note saying that next time he acts out in class, he will be sent to the office (I find this a little heavy handed).  He was touching the piano keys in spite of repeated instructions not to. 

I would love any advice on how to deal with this from other parents who may have had a similar experience.  What did you do? What works and what does not?

We are very much a negotiation, mutual-respect based household, so he is not used to following orders.  I feel this might be part of the problem, but mostly, I am just at a loss. 

Help fellow Moms!

Kai's mom.

[Red Pajama]

Is he there for the experience or because you need him to be there? If it is filling a daycare need, my advice won't apply.

Personally, I would pull him. To have him get some socialization with peers, consider story time at the library, one-time classes at children's museums, or something like art, gymnastics, or similar.

He does not seem to be served by the school situation he is currently in.

If you really want to keep him in that program, I'd first suggest a conference with the teachers to get a real picture of what behavior is causing the most trouble. Is it a maturity thing, personality, lack of classroom management, or his lack of understanding of how the classroom works?  I'd suggest you attend with him for a few days, to help re-direct him and keep him focused, if that is something the school would support.

[lifeguard]

I'm with pp. Is this a full day or half day program? If it's full day could you pull him for half the day - maybe the full day is just too much for him. Imo many four year olds just are not ready for the classroom.

[Tjej]

I think that if you don't see value in him being obedient and obeying the instructors, then he is not going to BE obedient and he will have a lot of conflict over it.

I understand negotiation and mutual respect, and I'm not advocating against it, but I feel like it is pretty unfair to little kids who haven't learned how to obey and behave according to someone's outside standards to be thrown into a classroom.  The teacher can't negotiate with 15 different kids at once.  It doesn't work.

So I think either you see value in teaching him to be obedient to a teacher, or you keep him out of the system until he is old enough to see that value himself (I'm not sure how old that would be - 10 or so?).

Tjej

[NiteNicole]

In my (limited) experience, teachers have seen a lot of kids and have a pretty good idea about reasonable classroom behavior expectations.  You will find the odd teacher who is a COMMANDER instead of a teacher, but for the most part most of them are fair but firm.  They don't seem to indulge running around and being disruptive, they are usually direct and they have a lot of ideas on how to get them to settle.

If your son is having this much trouble and you think the expectations are unreasonable then maybe it's time to pull him and start again next year.