Ugh, mamas I am so flustered and need help. I feel like I'm beating a dead horse here, but I'm having the hardest time with this whole finding a nanny thing.. and DH and I are starting to argue about it big time which isn't good.. here's whats up-- please tell me if I am totally being nuts here!
I'm going back to school in January. We thought we'd found a nanny-- she's a doula, an infant massage therapist, and totally AP friendly. She isn't a nanny, but saw an ad I posted and thought she'd help. She has 3 boys between the ages of 9 and 14 that she homeschools. DH trusts her. I'm having a harder time. I don't know what it is-- I like her a lot, but feel like she's doing us a favor, and it makes me insecure. I want to know her boys because they will be around my little girl all the time. This might sound totally sexist, but I can't shake the feeling that there should be a red flag here-- maybe the boys are total angels, but some boys can do weird things, ykwim? And I feel like it is intrusive on this lady to continuously try to get together, to meet the boys, to spend time with them, etc. I feel like a nag because there have been continued rainchecks on her part; illness, something comes up, etc. I think she's still interested, but I also think she has a lot on her plate-- makes me worry that she won't have her attention exclusively on my DD. And it is always me that sends the email trying to set up a meeting. Is it absurd to want to meet like once a week? Idk, I feel like if I had known her before hand, or if someone I trust had referred her to me I wouldn't have to be spending so much time making sure she'll treat my DD well.
DH thinks that I will never find someone I completely trust so therefore I'm being rediculous-- especially the part about worrying about the boys. I find it infuriating. He gets in my face, demanding that I explain my rationale.. I suppose that's reasonable, but how can I explain to him that I'm just insecure? That the fact that I have to make such a tremendous effort to get to know her makes me feel like she's not proving that her boys are NOT conniving, evil little creatures set out to do no good..
So I put an ad on care.com, and contacted an in-home caregiver, and am looking around. But now I feel like such a jerk b/c I feel like I am betraying the lady we've been talking to. Why do I create such dramas? Is it pointless? Should I go with the first lady--is DH right in that I will never trust anyone so I am just searching for anything? grasping at straws? I am so anxious at this point that I don't trust myself anymore, and don't know if my emotions are justified or if I am truly being silly. help!