I don't know how to help my 2 and 4yo share

[sunnygir1]

I am so stuck right now.  My 2yo ds thinks it is funny to take things from my 4.5yo dd and listen to her scream about it.  They spend a good amount of time screaming "mine" at each other.  I don't know whether or how to intervene anymore.  I don't feel like I can always drop what I'm doing to help them, and neither of them wants to give up.  I don't want to isolate them, but dd screams and ds hits when I force a solution on them, or when I tell them to work it out and it escalates -- because they are young.  I feel like crying right now and then getting rid of every toy in our house.  I don't want to raise kids who are totally stuck on things belonging to them, so in our house pretty much everyone plays with everything, although there are a couple special things (like a favorite baby doll).  I don't even know what to say or what to ask -- please give me ideas about sharing.

[pianojazzgirl]

It can take a lot of supervision at this age.  It's hard.

My 2 are 3 years apart, so I've BTDT with them.  And my best friend's dd is 2.5 years younger than my ds who is now 4 so I'm dealing with it now between the two of them (we spend time together every day).

I wish I had the magic answer, but I'm not sure there is one.

One thing we do is call it "taking turns" (as opposed to sharing).  We don't ever allow one kid to snatch things away from the other kid.  If that happens the kid who was already playing with it gets it back.  We tell the "snatcher" that "A" is having a turn with x right now.  When "A"'s turn is over then it will be "J"'s turn.  Every body gets a turn.

Then we also distract the "snatcher" with something similar/same/otherwise exciting.

In general we have doubles or multiples of everything here (I don't necessarily mean exact doubles, but there are enough balls that everyone can have one, enough toy cars, etc, etc).  Sometimes I partition things out if they're having trouble managing it themselves ("look, guys - here are a bunch of cars.  Three for you to play with, and three for you to play with").

If I know that one of the kiddos is likely to try taking toys away from the other and I need to get something done (ie. can't hover over them to forestall any problems), then I take that kiddo along with me and get them involved in helping me (cooking prep, folding laundry, etc).  Or, if I know it's going to be a tricky time of day (getting dinner ready) then I get both kids involved in a specific activity as opposed to having them play freely (ie. sit them both down at the table, each with playdough, drawing supplies, whatever).

HTH at least a little.  FWIW it all gets much better as they get older.  Good luck!

[sunnygir1]

Thank you for the response.  It is amazing how much it helps to just hear that it's hard for other parents too.

I have done and do all of the things you mentioned, and thank you for reminding me about them.

Often when I'm in the kitchen my 2yo starts pushing a chair over and I get crabby at the notion of him taking everything out of the utensil drawer AGAIN and having to worry about where I put the knife, eggs, etc.  But you're right that it's a great strategy that I should just knuckle down and use, especially when it's his idea.

My ds is way less easy to distract than dd was at this age, so I struggle with how to help him move on from wanting what she has, hitting, etc.