desert -- aww, thanks :) . i haven't felt much like posting because the clomid seems to make me really depressed and because i've been feeling low about the continued problems with my uterine lining and cm. i have been reading, though, and thinking about you and DP and those two little sweeties. i second carmen's question. and i, too, am sending fervent wishes to whichever deity will listen... i really hope things get better for them. i've got my fingers crossed that you get a BFP on nov 20th!
krista -- how are you feeling? i'm amazed by how quickly you've healed from the surgery. i hope that that was the final puzzle piece for your ttc journey and that this is your month. are you still insem'ing with two donors?
lise -- thanks for moving me! any joy with the opks?
invitn -- isn't the predicting ovulation thing a biznatch? i think for those of us with no sperm on tap, it's super stressful. i never thought i'd be jealous of all of my straight friends and their ability to just "inseminate" whenever they want. and it's completely understandable that this whole crazy process would affect your moods. DP and i are both trying, and i can't tell you how many tears and fits of grump have hit our home. be easy on yourself. i love your change in prayers, too. it's a very positive way to think. are your temps still increasing?
afm... i'm at 5dpo but very aware that this cycle is most likely a bust. i had a follicle that was a decent size but a super thin lining (merci clomid). we knew reliable donor couldn't come over after thursday afternoon and we didn't want to rely on flaky donor, so we went ahead an triggered on day 11. my brilliant DP somehow remembered that i'd been prescribed estradiol (estrace) to take before a cervical coloscopy, and after reading that it can help some women thicken their linings, i took several high doses of that before we triggered. given the state of my lining and the lack of ewcm, i'm not very hopeful for this month. however, looking on the bright side of things, at least i know how i can get some estradiol to try with the next round of clomid. (my gyn has refused to prescribe it for me, but i'm going to tell my gp i have an upcoming coloscopy and need a script for it. i'm pretty sure he'll give it to me.) does anyone have any experience with estrace? i'm so confused about what to do next month. do i go through another round of evil clomid and add the estrace in the hope that it will thicken my lining? do i do a natural cycle? i have real problems with my lining even off clomid. from the beginning of my cycle until ovulation, i did femoral massage to increase blood flow to my uterus, and boy did that work. i started doing it two days after my very short period had finished, and it restarted for a day! i've had actual gushes of blood after doing the massage. now i'm wondering if estrogen (rather than bloodflow) is the problem, and that makes me want to try out the estradiol. i hate not being able to consult an RE....i really feel like i'm groping in the dark trying to figure this out on my own. DP has said we can go to the netherlands or belgium starting early next year if this doesn't work soon. both countries are a train ride away, so i wouldn't have to miss work, and both countries are relatively affordable. i really hope it doesn't come to that, but at least if it does, i'll finally be in the care of real fertility experts who are invested in getting me pregnant.
other than that, i'm teaching far too many hours and desperately trying (and failing) to remember all 366 of my students' names. it doesn't help that there are about 10 each of antoines, hugos and mathildes. luckily, there are some lovely souls in the mix. amsterdam was beautiful, as always, and i had a very nice time with my friend and her gf, but i also had some very very bad "cloments" that left me in tears as i wandered the canals. i really hope there's a day in my (near) future where this whole ttc experience is just a fading memory and the fruit of all these struggles is snuggled comfortably in my arms. a girl can dream, at least...