Delayed Potty Training...Over 4 Years Old

[GilligansMom]

Hi, My son is over 4 and not PTed.  He is very intelligent and verbal, however strong willed and at times oppositional for attention.  He is not uncomfortable and doesn't want changed when he is soiled.  We instruct him to clean up and change, and he runs away or takes his time, delaying and postponing.  He has accidents at preschool too, and other kids have even told him they don't like it when he smells bad.  Nothing has worked for this kid.  Take something away, he says he doesn't want to play with it anymore anyhow.  Tell him he can have a present if he goes, he asks what it is, where you have it, what other way he can get it.  I am at wits end here.  Any help appreciated!  Thanks.

[Neera]

You said he has accidents at school so I am guessing he knows how to go. 

 
I have struggled with potty learning since almost 2 yrs. Does your ds have/had constipation issues? Dd is 4 3/4 yo and suffered from mild-severe constipation starting around age 2 + on and off for about 6-8 mo. I recently posted about it when she was having accidents again. You can look up my older posts on the subject. She knows how to go perfectly well but,we haven't had a continuous stretch where we can feel she is there.  Anyway, since my last post on the subject I have finally just let it go, I just wipe her and  put her back in a fresh pull-up (she has to be in pull-ups if she is going to have accidents.) I happen to be reading a book in which I read the foll and in an instant the solution became clear : "Since nothing in the universe can happen by accident, on any level trying to change something for the better only reflects our own inability to accept what is... If something appears to be not right, it does not mean that we need to correct it. Change is inevitable, and it will happen of its own accord and its own time. When we resist, change appears to be difficult because we see only one side of the equation." I can't tell you how well dd has responded to my letting go. Will she have accidents in the future? Maybe. But, it is not affecting me any more; I am not comparing her to other kids her age. And I finally realized that although she knows how to go, knowledge itself isin't enough. She has to go through her process of healing. Good luck.

 

[Mami_Feliz]

My just-turned-4 DS is not Pted either. His brother was a late starter (3 and a half), so we just let it take its course with DS2 but it does not seem to be happening. He is also very smart and verbal and very clear of his own mind. It's very difficult to get him to do anything he doesn't want to. He also doesn't seem bothered by being in a soiled nappy/underpants. 

He used the toilet last week for the first time all by himself. He just popped in, did his stuff and came out looking very pleased with himself. Since then, lots of accidents. However, I think it's just round the corner. I put him in underwear at home and pull-up nappies for preschool and when we go out.

GIven my lack of real success I clearly don't have any very good advice! Except, that it does sound like a similar situation and my DS is definitely coming round to it in his own time. I agree with Neera - I think if we relax it will come in their own time.

[MarineWife]

My 4yo ds has completely regressed since I had my baby 3 months ago. He was completely PTed (although I don't do any type of training other than giving them access to the toilet and exposing them to what it's for) for about a month or two before baby was born. I was really upset by this for a while and made a big deal of it, which didn't help anything. So now I'm trying to just let it be. The only way I react when he's pooped his pants is to tell him he needs to get cleaned up. If he refuses to atm, I don't force him. I was kind of hoping that getting a sore bum would motivate him to start using the toilet again but not so far. He just takes a shower to get cleaned up. He ends up taking 2-3 showers a day. It's exhausting, especially with a baby to also take care of.

Sorry I don't have any advice on how to change it. I agree with the PP who said she let it go. Obviously, your methods for trying to make him change aren't working so stop the struggle and just let it be. I firmly believe that they will eventually do it on their own when they are ready as long as we don't make a big deal about not doing it.