Oh, Mollie, you sound so exhausted. Huge, huge hugs.
First, you have NOT failed. Your job is to do what you can to 1) grow your babies, 2) get them safely out and 3) care for them and help them continue to grow. You have big checkmarks on all of those. Yes, it's too bad that you weren't able to have them vaginally, but seriously, twins are tricky. You did what you had to do to get them here safely, and that takes serious effort and sacrifice. You are a wonderful mother, and you gave it an enormous effort. And as for breastfeeding, when your little girl refuses to nurse, what are you supposed to do? It absolutely makes sense to give her formula. When I had trouble breastfeeding my first, every LC I saw plus my local LLL leaders all said, "Rule #1: Feed the baby!" Do not beat yourself up. Do what you can, and if it works, it works. If not, thankfully there are excellent alternatives.
I strongly agree with Katico:
Originally Posted by Katico
I very firmly believe that what is important is your mental health. That the best thing you can give your babies is a mama who is as rested and happy as possible. Do what you can but do not do it at the expense of your sleep or stability. Truly.
As for bonding, I know that feeling of loving but not being in love (excellent description) that you are talking about. I had it with my first. All it meant for me was that bonding was not instantaneous. It took some time, but it absolutely happened. You've been through a heck of a lot. Give yourself a break. Your babies do not care if you call them by name right now. They just need you to heal and take care of yourself as best as you can while caring for them.
Did the hospital give you a follow-up number to call if you are having a hard time? Please try calling it, or your doctor/midwife. You sound really overwhelmed, and it can help just to talk to someone. I had a lot of trouble with my first, and didn't call until he was four months, by which point things had gotten very, very bad. It can make your life much easier if you head things off at the pass.
I'm not sure from your description if it will be possible for your DH to help with nightwakings the way you need him to, but at the very least, if he is available in the evenings, why not feed your boy, hand DH the babies, tell him he's in charge of the kids, and take a nice long nap?